Money and narcissism are fascinating topics, one I’ve personally observed through my experiences with many narcissists. One of the most perplexing questions is: Why are narcissists so stingy with money?

With a narcissist, the situation can be completely reversed, from excessive generosity with money, gifts, feasts, and so on, to extreme stinginess, scrutinizing every single purchase.

Nothing comes for free with a narcissist; everything is a transaction for them.

So, if a narcissist spends money on you, it’s because they want something from you. Whether it’s emotional support, self-esteem, compliments, intimacy, a loan, a place to stay, or simply expecting you to be available to them whenever they want, it’s because they want something in return.

If there’s nothing to gain for the narcissist, they’ll become extremely stingy with others and won’t give anything. They see no value in sharing any of their wealth simply out of generosity or giving.

So, let’s explore some topics related to narcissists, money, and stinginess.

Examples of Narcissists’ Stinginess with Money

As my divorce date approached, I was worried about whether my narcissistic ex-husband would actually sign the papers or stall.

He had already made it clear that he didn’t want to spend money on the divorce because buying a new car and home improvements were more important. As for me, I wanted to finalize the contract, tear it up, and burn it! I needed to get that last thing done.

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“What difference does a divorce make? We’re over it anyway,” was his excuse for putting off spending the money.

Then we had a rare opportunity to talk, and I thought it was the perfect chance to bring it up again.

To my surprise, he actually said he was ready to go ahead and get the divorce official. He seemed to be discussing it with his new partner.

His pivotal moment of realizing he wanted a divorce was: “What if I inherit a fortune or win the lottery? Does that mean I’ll still have to pay her anything while she’s still my wife?”

Yes, the reason he signed the divorce papers was so he wouldn’t have to pay me anything if he won the lottery, which, in his stingy, lazy world, was a veritable retirement plan.

I mean, he’d planned everything in advance. He thought that when he got this imaginary fortune, he’d still give me some of it…you know, being the mother of his children.

But, predictably, any “kind” words were quickly laced with condescension. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to make you a millionaire or anything,” he said sarcastically.

I love how the idea of ​​me getting any money never even crossed his mind. It was all about him.

Imagine, just three weeks before this illusory offer of support, my ex was complaining about having to pay for my kids’ school lunches when they stayed with him.

My son came home from his father’s house one day and told me, “Dad said you have to pay for my meals there because he pays for my sisters’ meals.”

I thought to myself, “What is this?” I was so confused and frustrated that someone could be so stingy. I mean, who tells their child, “I’m not paying for both of your meals. Your mom will only pay for one?” That person is a miser and a narcissist, that’s the answer.

Here are some common reasons why narcissists are so stingy.

Narcissists Hate Spending Money

There’s no doubt that narcissists can be incredibly stingy… when it comes to other people.

Examples of narcissists being stingy with money:

If the children suddenly get too big and need new clothes, they say, “Oh my God, didn’t you just buy them clothes?”

And when you need to replace a household item, they say, “What’s wrong with the one we already have?”

After your phone breaks and it’s time to buy a new one, they say, “Take my phone; I needed a new one anyway.”

And if you decide to book a massage or a pampering treatment, they say, “Do you really think we have the money for that right now?”

I remember my narcissistic mother deciding I needed new bras when I was 16 or 17, so she took me shopping for them.

After about an hour of trying on different bras and choosing a few that fit me, we headed to the checkout. As soon as the cashier put the items in the machine and announced the price, my mom looked at me expectantly, as if to say, “Aren’t you going to pay for them?”

I was completely taken aback! Up until that moment, my mom had been implying that she was taking me shopping for new bras. She had never hinted that I would be paying for them. If I had known, the number (and price) of the items I chose might have been different. I only worked a few hours a week at the local grocery store after school, so I didn’t have much money.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that she had decided at the last minute, “Why should I pay for them? She works; she can pay.”

Narcissists tend to change the rules of the game suddenly and without warning, driven by a desire for control and constant dominance.

Narcissists Are Greedy For Money

As we’ve seen, narcissists don’t like spending money on others, but when it comes to spending it on themselves, they have absolutely no problem with it.

They feel entitled to the very best in life and don’t care about the impact this has on their finances in the relationship.

They might take out a loan to buy a new car without consulting you. While they claim they’ll pay for it out of their own pockets, this negatively affects their financial situation. Suddenly, they find themselves unable to cover other household expenses. And if they need to spend money on someone else, they’ll rudely say, “I can’t afford it! I have a car loan to pay off, you know.”

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My ex-husband claimed he couldn’t pay child support because of his mounting debt. I don’t know how I became the reason, especially since his income was three times mine.

The debt was a result of his own choices, yet he expected me to make sacrifices. Then, at the same time, he didn’t hesitate to show off his new purchases.

Narcissists are inconsistent; they believe the rules don’t apply to them.

Narcissists Use Money To Control

Narcissists love complete control over finances because it gives them leverage over others.

They can “buy” their way into other people’s lives with gifts, paying for drinks at dinner, and other forms of emotional manipulation.

I always hated that my mother-in-law (a hidden narcissist) would bring gifts for the children every time she saw them. It got to the point where the children wanted to see her just because they knew she would give them something. After many attempts on her part, she reduced the number of gifts. I tried to explain to her that I wanted the children to enjoy seeing her, not receiving gifts.

I’m sure she didn’t understand my point of view; she thought I was taking away her “right” as a grandmother to spoil the children. I noticed that the children were gradually starting to undervalue material things because they were receiving so much of them. I wanted my children to learn the value of material things, to understand the importance of working for them, not being entitled to them.

My husband always used the phrase “I’m the one who works, so I deserve…” as an excuse for everything. It was his justification for using the credit card and being wasteful, while I managed the food and bills with what was left.

It’s funny how, when he finally had to manage his finances himself, he suddenly stopped overspending on lunches and other small things. In the past, this was never his problem, so he didn’t care at all.

If I was experiencing financial hardship and spoke about it, I always received the same ready-made response: “I work while you stay at home, so don’t tell me I can’t spend the money I earned with so much effort.”

Narcissists_Feel_Entitled_To_Inheritance

When it comes to inheritance and narcissists, they’re like greedy parasites.

My ex-husband made two statements on two separate occasions about losing my inheritance after our separation.

He said, “I’m not just losing you, I’m losing your family and the security of an inheritance.”

He said, “When my parents die, I won’t get anything. But when your parents die, you’ll get an inheritance.”

I was shocked!

It never even crossed my mind that I’d get an inheritance. My parents’ money was their retirement savings. Who can guarantee there’s anything left after they travel and spend it in nursing homes? It’s their hard-earned money, and they’re free to do with it as they please.

The fact that my ex-husband considered my inheritance a financial gain for himself makes me even happier that I left that greedy narcissist!

An inheritance might bring all the narcissistic family members out of hiding to claim their share of the wealth.

Narcissists and Divorce Settlements

If you have to go through any kind of legal settlement with a narcissist, prepare for financial disaster.

Regardless of who left the relationship, the narcissist will feel absolutely entitled to all the money, property, business, and possessions. If you haven’t experienced the narcissist’s stinginess before, you’ll experience it in its ugliest form.

However, don’t be surprised if the narcissist deliberately drags out legal proceedings to drain your finances. Then they’ll refuse to pay their lawyer’s fees, claiming they “didn’t do their job properly.”

It wasn’t enough that they spent the entire relationship abusing, lying to, and possibly even cheating on you; now they want to take everything from you.

Because the narcissist lives in an inflated world of their own false self, they derive their worth from money, material possessions, and appearances.

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For them, separation or divorce is an absolute no-go (even if they leave you—how strange!), something they simply cannot tolerate. To save face and justify everything to the world by blaming you, their egos seek to utterly destroy you.

In their distorted world, they believe that crushing you will eliminate any chance of exposing the narcissist’s hidden nature. They will relentlessly smear your reputation to rewrite the narrative and ensure that no one will ever believe your truth.

Narcissists need to win at all costs, regardless of the circumstances. They believe they are sacred beings who must be revered, and that everyone around them is inferior, merely pawns in their game.

For a narcissist to win a separation or divorce, they must seize everything, or at least the majority of the money and property.

They feel no empathy for you. Everything you have given them (emotionally and materially) up to that point becomes worthless to them. They don’t care. Their only concern is taking. And when you have nothing left to give, they will demand more, then abandon you to find a new source to feed their narcissism.

Narcissists Who Borrow Money

Some narcissists, especially those who don’t manage their money well, tend to borrow excessively from others. Borrowing itself isn’t a problem… until it becomes a recurring habit, not repaid on time or never repaid at all.

When a narcissist constantly borrows money from you, you feel like you’re a bank that doesn’t charge interest. Be aware that the narcissist will never make you feel comfortable asking for your money back, which sets the stage for an uncomfortable conversation.

Another sure thing is that they don’t have the money. They always make excuses for not being able to repay. And if they do repay, it’s usually only a partial repayment.

Then, if they do repay the full amount, they’ll quickly ask for another loan. Their compelling stories about why they need the loan are always heartwarming and persuasive. They’ll exploit your emotions to make it difficult for you to say no.

The narcissist shows no empathy for your financial needs or personal circumstances.

If you find yourself with a narcissist who frequently borrows money, you need to set firm limits and stick to them until they find another ATM.

Narcissistic Thieves

Remember, a narcissist lacks empathy and feels entitled to everything they want without question.

Not all narcissists steal in the traditional sense, like shoplifting. But they may steal in other ways because they feel entitled to certain things.

For example, I doubt my mother ever stole anything, but she certainly took possession of my things and my sisters’ things and claimed them as her own. We had lent her items to take care of and use because we had no room for them. But when it came time to get them back, they had become hers, even though that wasn’t part of the original agreement.

If those things hadn’t had any real value to my mother, she would have gladly returned them. But since she decided she loved them, she claimed ownership.

I know narcissists who steal valuables from their workplaces and then sell them to their friends. I also know narcissists who break into cars and steal them or search them for valuables.

Narcissists don’t hesitate to steal friends, energy, money, and possessions because they feel the world owes them.

Why are narcissists stingy with money?

Entitlement: Narcissists feel they are entitled to special treatment and believe they deserve more than others. This sense of entitlement makes them feel they shouldn’t spend their money on others or contribute equally.

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Control: Their need to control most (if not all) aspects of their lives, as well as the lives of their partners and children, often manifests in their financial management. Stinginess allows them to maintain their sense of power and control over their resources and how they are used.

Lack of empathy: Narcissists lack empathy and are completely selfish. They simply don’t care about the financial needs or suffering of others because their own needs are all that matter to them.

Fear of losing superiority: Generosity is seen as a sign of weakness by narcissists unless it gives them a sense of satisfaction. They may fear that giving will diminish their sense of superiority or control over others.

Resource hoarding: Some narcissists hoard resources to bolster their self-esteem or as a security measure. They may feel that having more money gives them a sense of superiority or security.

Self-interest: Narcissists always prioritize their own needs and desires over those of others. Spending money on themselves is often a priority, and they view giving to others as hindering their personal interests.

Manipulation and control: Using money as a tool for manipulation or control is common among narcissists. Being stingy with money allows them to exert power over others, creating dependency or indebtedness.

Avoiding vulnerability: Narcissists may fear that giving will make them vulnerable to exploitation, so they refrain from providing financial support or generosity to protect themselves.

All about self-interest: Narcissists view everything in life as purely transactional. If there is no personal benefit for them, they will not invest anything. However, if they do spend money on something or someone, they expect something in return.

Securing gratification: Everything in a narcissist’s life revolves around one thing: obtaining narcissistic gratification. Narcissists are stingy with money because they only see value in spending it on things that bring them new gratification (i.e., attention and admiration).

Here are the key points that explain why narcissists are stingy with money:

• Everything is a transaction for them.
• They don’t do anything “for free.”
• They only give in order to receive gratification in return.
• They use money to control others.
• They take what they consider rightfully theirs, without apology.
• They are greedy and arrogant.
• The world revolves solely around them.
• They lack empathy and compassion.