If you’re dealing with a narcissist, one thing is certain: they will abandon you.

It’s incredibly heartbreaking to think that someone you thought loved you, or at least cared about you, could be this cruel. You may have shared your life with them, even married them, had children, and everything. And now you discover they never loved you, that everything was built on lies and manipulation.

It’s soul-crushing. I understand it completely because I’ve been through it. Unbeknownst to me, I was raised by one narcissist, then fell into the arms of another, and spent the next two decades being abused by them.

One might think that after all the hurtful behavior we endure from narcissists, being let go would be a welcome relief.

But it’s not that simple. The excessive dependence, the painful attachment, and the eventual entanglement with the narcissist make letting go an incredibly devastating experience.

So, how can you tell if a narcissist intends to abandon you?

There are three signs that indicate a narcissist is preparing to abandon you, and they use various tactics during this process.

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Let’s look at why narcissists abandon the people they pretend to care about, and how they do it. Then we can explore ways to recover from the trauma and prevent narcissists from entering our lives again.

Why Do Narcissists Abandon Others?

To understand why narcissists abandon others, we must first accept the fact that the relationship was never what we thought it was.

The narcissist made you feel like you were their entire world, especially in intimate relationships.

The truth is that, at their core, narcissists are empty shells, roaming the earth in search of their next energy boost. They view others as mere tools to be consumed and discarded, like yesterday’s trash.

They simply lack the capacity to love anyone.

When a narcissist says, “I love you,” they really mean…

“I love what you do for me and what you give me. I love that you love me.”

Narcissists severed their true selves in childhood, leading them to create a false self, ruled entirely by their ego.

By separating themselves from their true selves, they cut themselves off from the abundant life force and divine connection. Without this power, they become flawed souls consumed by inner hatred and self-loathing as a result of their wounds.

They become addicted to the “narcissistic supply,” which represents the drug they desperately need. Without empathy or conscience, they do, say, and pretend whatever they need to, just to drain others.

Once they’ve drained the person, they abandon them without a second thought and move on to the next victim.

Narcissistic abandonment is an inevitable part of the narcissistic abuse cycle.

Narcissistic Abuse Cycle:

Excessive Glorification – Initially, they place you in a perfect position and shower you with an aura of sanctity (also known as “love bombardment”). This stage can be extremely pleasurable and intoxicating.

Narcissistic Abuse Cycle:

Excessive Glorification – Initially, they place you in a high position and shower you with an aura of perfection (also known as “love bombardment”). This stage can be extremely pleasurable and intoxicating.

The Incident – ​​Something will happen that triggers the narcissist’s instincts.

Belittling – They will then begin to belittle you, insult you, be cruel to you, and act in ways that punish you.

Disposal/Grabbing – Eventually, they will either lure you back into the cycle of abuse (if they still see value in you), or they will get rid of you.

3 Signs Your Narcissist Is Preparing to Drop You

New Victim

Either the narcissist has found a new victim or is actively searching for one. Since you’re no longer useful to them, they’re preparing to discard you.

Here are some clear signs that your narcissist is looking for a new victim or has already found one.

Changes

If you notice drastic changes in your narcissist, it’s likely a sign that they’re preparing to abandon you.

If they’re looking for a new victim, they’ll start paying more attention to their appearance and how they present themselves to others. They might spend more time out of the house or on their phone, and lie about their whereabouts or activities.

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They might even adopt new habits, hobbies, or interests, mimicking their new victim and showering them with affection.

Your intuition is screaming that something is wrong, but you can’t quite put your finger on it.

After being miserable and taking out all their pain on you during the belittling phase, they suddenly seem happier and more energetic.

They start openly boasting about their new victim

Once a narcissist secures a new victim, rest assured everyone will know. They’ll post pictures of their new best friend or “soulmate” on social media without a shred of concern for the pain it causes you. They’ll even enjoy hurting you because your jealousy feeds them even more.

At this point, it’s best to block them on social media so you don’t have to constantly be subjected to their provocations, which is exactly what they want.

They need to present a false image of themselves to the world, as if they are the perfect ones, while you are the flawed one.

Even though everything seems perfect, remember that the new victim is going through a phase of perfection and will eventually be discarded.

If you’re wondering whether the new victim of a narcissist is getting a better version of you, the answer is no. The narcissist has learned a lot from you and their previous victims, but the one thing they’ve truly refined is their manipulative skills.

Stop_Giving_Affection_and_Attention

Once a narcissist stops exploiting you and draining your energy, they will stop giving you any attention or energy. It then becomes clear that they were only doing it to manipulate you.

Here are some signs that a narcissist is preparing to abandon you by withholding time, attention, and affection.

Ignoring_You/Sudden_Disappearance

Once a narcissist has finished exploiting you, they will completely withdraw from you. This might involve completely ignoring your messages and calls, or even disappearing altogether. If you live together, they will completely ignore you and treat you with childish indifference.

The narcissist’s indifference is nothing but a game. They push you away, expecting you to come crawling back. The idea is to keep you in a state of anxiety because they want you to feel like you can’t be happy without them.

While they are most likely the ones who should apologize, the feeling of being excluded from their world is incredibly intense. You might feel the need to do anything to make things right. This is where people often find themselves apologizing for things they didn’t do, just to appease the narcissist and ease their feelings of pain, rejection, and abandonment.

The whole game revolves around your dependence on them, rather than realizing that it’s actually the complete opposite.

During the cycle of abuse, the narcissist repeatedly withdraws their attention and affection as a form of “punishment,” then gradually gives it back as a “reward.” Over time, you become accustomed to seeing the narcissist as the source of your “happiness,” without realizing that they are the primary cause of your pain and suffering.

This is called “trauma bonding,” which is why it’s so devastating when the narcissist completely ignores you as they prepare to finally abandon you.

They Make No Effort

At this stage, the narcissist sees no value in giving you any attention. Everything with a narcissist is based on self-interest. If they can’t get something from you, they certainly won’t give you anything.

If a narcissist isn’t trying to manipulate and exploit you, they won’t waste their energy pretending and perpetuating that charade.

They’ll direct all that energy toward showering their new victim with love and draining their energy there.

Making no effort is also a way for the narcissist to reinforce that they are the only one who matters, and that you are merely a pawn in their game.

They Stop Trying To Win You Back

Once a narcissist loses their value in your eyes, they won’t try to win you back.

Trying to win you back is when they try to lure you back into their web, either by making you feel guilty or scaring you. They’ll exploit your sympathy or highlight your deepest fears, which they knew all too well during their period of self-aggrandizement.

If they’re getting enough from a much better source to satisfy their narcissism, they won’t bother trying to drain your energy anymore.

Remember, narcissists view everyone they’ve exploited in the past as their property. For them, once you’ve experienced their abuse even once, they can try to lure you back at any time. So, if the new source doesn’t work, they’ll likely try again while they continue searching for a new one.

They Blame You

The final stage of the three signs that a narcissist is setting you up for abandonment is when they blame you for everything! Here’s how they’ll ensure you’re held responsible for all the consequences of the relationship ending.

Increased_Devaluation

Before and during the breakup, the narcissist will constantly seem angry and annoyed with you. Their devaluation of you will become increasingly severe.

The narcissist will look at you with disgust and hurl hurtful words at you. You are now simply a nuisance to them, and they will publicly project all their pent-up wounds onto you.

You are no longer the glamorous target of their manipulations. You are less than dirt beneath their feet.

The narcissist will begin listing all your flaws and shortcomings in preparation for getting rid of you. They want the end of the relationship to be entirely your fault so they can escape the storm without taking any responsibility.

Emotional_Emptiness

Let’s be honest, narcissists are emotionally empty at best, but at least they were able to initially put on a false image of themselves. They presented themselves as someone who cared about us somewhat and feigned empathy when necessary.

Then things changed, and that switch flipped inside them.

“You’re not just sensitive, you’re also the reason for everything that happens to you.”

Now, when the narcissist is ready to abandon you, they won’t even flinch at your tears. They are devoid of any real human emotion and are completely unaffected by being the cause of your pain and tears.

In fact, your desperate need for them to see and hear you only reinforces their sense of superiority. The fact that they mean so much to you, that they have so much control over your emotions, only confirms their delusion that they are “special.”

But your feelings mean nothing to them. They are merely a nuisance unless they serve their purposes. They are the ones pulling the strings, and they no longer do that.

Manipulating You To Control The Story

One of the three signs that a narcissist is ready to abandon you is their manipulation of your narrative to control the final outcome.

A narcissist can’t stand the idea of ​​anyone knowing the truth behind their mask, and their greatest fear is that you’ll discover it.

They’ll manipulate you and distort your memories to make you blame them for their abuse and bad behavior. Their goal is for you to ultimately believe that you’re the reason they abandoned you.

In reality, in the narcissist’s fantasy world, they believe they are the victim and you are the aggressor. Their egos simply can’t accept the idea of ​​their own imperfections, so they project all their flaws onto you to justify their delusion.

My narcissistic ex-boyfriend used to draw me into pointless arguments and try to manipulate me psychologically to change the narrative. Even without fully understanding what psychological manipulation meant, I knew there was no right answer.

He would ask me “innocently” questions like:

“I never stopped you from spending money, did I?”

“I never stopped you from seeing your friends, did I?”

If I answered these questions honestly, I knew it would lead me into vague and convoluted discussions, and the conversation would continue to escalate until it exhausted me and forced me to agree with him simply out of exhaustion.

Or, if I agreed with what he said, I would be endorsing his behavior, which would reinforce his public narrative.

The idea is to paint whatever picture they want the world to see, regardless of the truth.