Why don’t you leave if it’s that bad? Easier said than done, right?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that had a lot of highs but at the same time a lot of lows? Were they constantly pulling and pushing at the same time? And it felt like a vicious circle?
This is trauma bonding. Being associated with a destructive, manipulative, and/or abusive person.
Only those who truly love someone, but sometimes feel compelled to hate them, know how strong this bond can be.
But why, why can’t you run away from someone who is clearly causing you pain?
- You become physiologically addicted to the abuse
The reason people become addicted to abuse is because of the body’s natural response to trauma. When we experience a traumatic event, our bodies release hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol.
These hormones can act as a numbing agent and can make us addicted to the endorphins that are released during the abusive experience.
The trauma bond can be so strong that it is difficult to break, even when the victim knows the relationship is unhealthy or harmful. This is because the body has become so accustomed to the experience of abuse that it craves it, even if it is harmful.
- Withdrawal from trauma is painful
Second guessing. The first symptom and most common reason why trauma victims always come back. You start to wonder if you are the toxic person or if you are the one in the wrong.
Long story short: you’re gaslighting yourself.
This withdrawal is always followed by a craving for guilt. You can revisit their social media, and if you notice some of their hints, the first thing you’ll do is text them. And then the whole cycle repeats itself.
- Mirroring and future counterfeiting
Mirroring and future-proofing are dangerous games that abusers play. They pretend to be the perfect match for the victim, absorbing a wealth of information to create a false identity.
These empty promises create false hope for the future and trap the victim in a trauma-related relationship.
You get a false sense of double flame connection from the mirror. A twin flame is a spiritual connection between two people who have a strong bond and connection that transcends the physical world. It is often seen as a soulmate connection but on a much deeper level.
But the sad truth is that it’s all fake. They just copy and paste your behavior so you think you have something real going on.
- Helplessness and fear of abandonment
Have you ever felt stuck in an unhealthy but very strong emotional attachment? Like you’re so afraid of being abandoned that you feel helpless and can’t break free? Well, that’s trauma bonding and it’s not easy to get out of.
It feels like you’re stuck together, and most of the time it’s based on fear of abandonment and helplessness.
The fear of being left out in the cold can be a scary thought, but it can also lead to a strong connection between two people. When faced with fear, an individual is more likely to cling to a person who provides comfort and support, creating a feeling of safety and security.
This can be an invaluable asset in dealing with the traumatic event – creating a strong bond that can help the individual cope.
- Feeling safe
The sense of security that a trauma bond provides is one of the main reasons why these bonds are so strong and difficult to break. When people experience a traumatic event, they often feel unsafe in the world and may develop trust issues.
Having someone who understands their experience and has been through the same situation can provide a sense of security and comfort.
When you share a deep bond with someone special, it can be difficult to break up. But when you feel safe, you can open up and share your deepest thoughts and feelings.
This connection can be incredibly powerful and can create a powerful and memorable connection between two people, which is why a trauma bond is so powerful.
