Is your child being forced to hate you? This is known as narcissistic parental distancing syndrome.

You may have noticed that your once healthy relationship with your children has become increasingly strained after your difficult divorce. Your children may now be avoiding you, showing disrespect, or even being cruel.

You may have noticed that your children have started to use your ex-partner’s language when criticizing you. As a result, you may suspect that your ex-partner is abusing you and perhaps manipulating your children to hate you.

This phenomenon, known as narcissistic parental distancing syndrome, is a serious problem that many parents around the world have experienced.

What is Parental Distancing Syndrome?

Parental distancing syndrome, or PAS, occurs when one parent forcibly tries to isolate their child from the other parent who shows them love. This manipulation leads to the child’s alienation from or rejection of the excluded parent.

The term first appeared in the 1980s when American child psychologist Richard Gardner observed this behavior during child custody disputes.

Gardner found that one parent would deliberately program (or brainwash) the child with certain ideas and attitudes toward the other parent, even when these ideas contradicted the child’s actual experiences.

The child would then participate in these behaviors, demonizing the targeted parent, often because these behaviors were strongly reinforced and rewarded by the excluded parent.

Related : 10 Strategies for Coping with an Adult Narcissistic Child

It is important to note that the term PAS applies only when the targeted parent is considered a good parent and has not committed any act that would warrant such distancing. This term does not apply if the parent separated from their child is actually abusive.

What is narcissistic brainwashing by a parent?

Narcissistic brainwashing occurs when a parent with narcissistic tendencies manipulates a child to instill false ideas about the other parent. This might include portraying the other parent as dangerous, unloving, unintelligent, or otherwise unsuitable for the child.

Many children with parental dissonance syndrome respond to this type of programming in a way that causes them to completely forget or repress any positive feelings or experiences they had with the targeted parent.

Warning Signs of Parental Erosion Syndrome

Signs of parental erosion syndrome may include:

An unjustified or irrational campaign to discredit the loving parent

The child’s excessive veneration of one parent at the expense of the other (intense binary thinking)

Discrediting the entire family and friends of the targeted parent

The child’s endorsement of their own negative behavior and attitudes toward the targeted parent

Denial of guilt or lack of empathy for the harsh treatment the targeted parent is experiencing

The manipulative parent’s strong insistence on their own “own” opinion (e.g., “Chelsea doesn’t like her dad, and she shouldn’t be forced to see him”)

The child using the same tone of voice as the narcissistic parent toward the targeted parent

Examples of Narcissistic Parental Distortion

Narcissistic parental distortion might look like this:

The abusive parent deliberately interferes with the targeted parent’s time with the child. For example, the other parent might “volunteer” at the school cafeteria knowing you’ll be having lunch with your child.

The abusive parent tells the child that the other parent doesn’t care about their life. “Maybe your mom won’t come to pick you up today. She abandoned you before, and she probably will again.”

The abusive parent insists on their position regarding the childcare schedule. For example, you might ask to switch daycare days because you have an important doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, but the other parent refuses to budge, causing you to miss a day with your child.

The abusive parent constantly speaks negatively about the other parent. “Your dad is immoral.”

The abusive parent rewards the child for speaking negatively about the other parent. “I don’t blame you for feeling this way. Let’s have some ice cream together.”

The abusive parent pretends to be hurtful when the child is being kind to them.

The child mimics the abusive parent’s words and tone when speaking to them. For example, “You’re never punctual, Dad.”

The abusive parent prioritizes harming the child over the child’s well-being. For example, the parent refuses to let your child go on a fun trip with you for unreasonable reasons.

The child feels forced to “choose” between their parents.

What Causes Narcissistic Parental Distancing?

Evidence suggests that parental distancing often occurs in stressful and turbulent separations or divorces, particularly during bitter custody battles.

But for parental distancing to occur, one parent must be willing to act with unusual cruelty and cruelty. These behaviors often indicate narcissistic personality disorder, which is characterized by an inflated sense of grandiosity, a desperate need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.

Related : 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Love People P leasers

These parents tend to prioritize their own interests over the child’s and will stop at nothing to “win” or “punish” the other parent.

How to Deal with Narcissistic Parental Distancing Syndrome

It can be difficult for the targeted parent to cope with parenting when they have a partner exhibiting signs of narcissistic parental distancing syndrome.

If you suspect your co-parent is trying to distance you from your child, try to have a friend or family member present when you speak with them. This will help you stay calm if your partner is constantly using manipulative or psychological tactics against you.

It is also advisable to seek help from a licensed therapist or family therapist to find solutions to this difficult problem. In addition, in severe cases, it may be beneficial to consider hiring a lawyer.

To summarize

Narcissistic parental distancing syndrome occurs when one parent with narcissistic traits tries to isolate their child from the other, more loving parent. This is often done by disparaging the other parent in front of the child.

This manipulation can lead to the child rejecting and feeling alienated from the targeted parent.

If you are experiencing this problem, consider consulting a mental health professional to help you navigate these difficult circumstances.