The strong attraction between narcissists and people-pleaders is no coincidence. There’s a powerful, almost unbreakable bond between them because each fulfills a deep need for the other. This isn’t one person’s fault, but rather an unhealthy, dysfunctional connection.
Narcissists crave constant validation, and people-pleaders are the perfect source of it. Contrary to their outward appearance of self-reliance, determination, and independence, narcissists crave validation. They need a constant daily dose of attention, admiration, and affection. This validation is essential to maintaining their sense of superiority. Without it, they become intensely resentful.
People-pleaders, on the other hand, love to impress others, offer support, and feel needed to validate their self-worth. They constantly seek acceptance and belonging, which narcissists provide as long as it goes their way.
People who seek to please others love to impress them, offer them support, and feel needed to validate their self-worth. Narcissists may be fiercely protective of those they seek to please, as they don’t want their source of self-esteem to disappear. People who seek to please others need to feel a sense of belonging, and who better to do so than with a narcissist who seems almost mythical? As a result, both parties gain a sense of control and security.
Related : The 5 Most Painful Things a Narcissist Will Do To You
The ultimate boost to a person’s confidence is gaining the approval of someone as difficult to please as a narcissist. There’s a common belief that if you can get a narcissist’s approval, you can get almost anyone else’s. Naturally, narcissists crave attention and the constant pursuit of approval, as it feeds their ego.
People who seek to please others view narcissists as idealized, overlooking any undesirable qualities. This reinforces the narcissist’s self-image, as they are blind to their own flaws. People who seek to please others are willing to overlook the negative aspects of narcissism in exchange for acceptance.
When narcissists get angry, they often blame those who are simply trying to please others. Instead of holding the narcissist accountable for their behavior, these people prefer to defuse the situation by taking on unnecessary responsibility. Narcissists need someone else to hold them accountable for their failures because their egos cannot tolerate being wrong.
Narcissists love to rescue others, and this feeds their belief that they are better, stronger, and more influential than everyone else. Those who are simply trying to please others often overburden themselves and, as a result, need someone to help them and fix their mistakes. Because those who are trying to please others show great gratitude for help, the narcissist is willing to provide it.
Breaking free from this attraction requires significant effort, but it is possible. It starts with a simple step: identifying the narcissist and acknowledging their tendency to please others. It’s never too late to see things clearly.
