The habits of a narcissist are considered strange, addictive, and stressful. You feel an overwhelming urge to defend yourself, a relentless need to prepare, a desire to prove yourself, and a need to confront, otherwise you will be defeated and exploited.

There is no choice in the presence of a narcissist. Their desire to control and their insatiable hunger for their narcissistic energy are inexhaustible. From the moment you lay eyes on them until the moment you leave, a focused darkness is upon you with intense passion.

Those who haven’t experienced the art of narcissism are easy prey. Why do they feign politeness and good manners, knowing that they are usually listened to? They adhere to the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. Therefore, when they encounter a narcissist, they are supposed to point out someone they want to exchange favors and benefits from. The operation is quickly carried out, and they are completely drained.

Those who have been subjected to this experience know better. They will control their energy to avoid interaction and thus immediately cut off the narcissist’s supply. But if they wisely refuse, they’re in for a verbal battle. They have to put themselves in the line of fire, challenge the narcissist’s ideas and judgments, and ultimately prevail. If you possess sufficient emotional resilience and intelligence, the narcissist will feel defeated. This is your environment!

But what about those who have known a narcissist? Those who have been under constant attack? What becomes of them?

The Glass Ceiling

A weapon of superiority, the narcissist uses a variety of tactics. They might turn red or stare condescendingly. They mock your perceived weaknesses. Provocative questions will hurt you even more, like, “Why did you style your hair like that?” If you want to participate in a shared goal, you’ll eliminate the molecular narcissist from your life. This structure will blatantly compare you to others, making you feel automatically pressured. “They might also enable you to frame your absence while you’re present, portraying you as the object of attention.”

This doesn’t undermine your self-confident self-image. Ultimately, you internalize the resulting shame and develop an inferiority complex, putting you at a disadvantage in any interaction with the narcissist.

The narcissist inflates their own ego through stories, portraying themselves as a hero and painting a picture of a life far superior to yours. They force you to accept their condescending opinions and insist on their ideal solutions to problems. The narcissist will ensure you agree with everything they say and comply with everything they expect. You find yourself repeatedly in a position of inferiority, while the shame accumulates.

Related : How To Stop Being Angry At A Narcissist

If you decide to disagree, set boundaries, or assert yourself, you will be met with resistance, escalating aggression, and either indifference or outright rejection. Fighting for every inch of your relationship eventually becomes exhausting. The new model is no longer revitalizing, and you give up.

As they come to see you as completely yourself, they begin to control you by changing you. However, with the shame of the narcissist and the cruelty of their control over your life, you feel the need to relieve the unbearable tension by becoming a source of humor. By using this kind of humor, you can find a way to cope with the bigger issues. You also believe that the narcissist loves you when you put yourself down.

So you start confessing embarrassing information about yourself. You stammer in the narcissist’s presence, loudly questioning the “truth” of what you’re about to say. They enjoy your self-deprecation, and finally, their laughter when you explain how stupid you were to forget the salt while shopping.

While you’re in your truck, and the narcissist is watching your every move intently, the pocket square slips from your hand as you’re cutting it and falls to the floor. “Oh my God!” the narcissist says, demanding the knife. “Come on, I’ll do it.” And when it’s time to add something, your mind ends up relying on the narcissist’s opinion. And I assure you, with a self-satisfied smile, I gladly agree.

These unconscious attempts to downplay the importance of enjoying the narcissist’s grandiose things help ensure you remain in your place, and therefore, in the narcissist’s favor.

Say It Or Not

While downplaying your own feelings can satisfy a narcissist, you’ll find that certain topics and behaviors have the opposite effect.

For example, your negative emotions seem to bother the narcissist. If they ask what’s bothering you, and you admit to feeling sad or angry, they might downplay it, sigh, and tell you to get over it. If you share an achievement with the narcissist, they might barely react, or they’ll steer the conversation to one of their own accomplishments, leaving you feeling discouraged. These numerous “little distractions” are designed to prevent the narcissist from experiencing their own negative feelings, while ensuring that your needs don’t conflict with your ability to satisfy their narcissistic desires.

As a result, you find it necessary to suppress your “negativity” while being careful not to outshine the narcissist. Hiding aspects of your true personality becomes an ingrained habit, which the narcissist either ignores at best or becomes frustrated and angry at worst.

Thus, you begin to belittle or ignore yourself because your world revolves around the narcissist’s inflated, false self and their desperate need to feed their ego.

Self Love And Self Discovery Your Path To Healing

By recognizing this toxic dynamic and its source, you can shift the situation, allowing your true self to breathe and flourish.

First, pay attention to your self-belittling tendencies and try to identify them before you act them out. Being aware of them will lessen their impact over time. Don’t try to outdo the narcissist or inflate your own ego. Simply observe your urge to belittle yourself and maintain your balance and self-awareness as much as possible.

Second, stop waiting for the narcissist to make room for your suffering or encourage your growth and success. Seek out other allies who recognize, support, and reflect your authenticity.

As for the narcissist’s tendency to control every interaction and drain your energy, you have two options: either withdraw completely and pull away all reciprocal affection, or prepare to confront them.