Narcissistic projection can turn qualities like empathy and compassion against you, but it is possible to protect yourself.

Projection is a defense mechanism that helps us create distance between ourselves and uncomfortable feelings or personal behaviors. While it’s not a constructive way to deal with what we don’t like about ourselves, most of us have probably used it.

“All humans use projection to varying degrees, and some personality types rely on it more than others,” says Dr. Sterling Moseley, an assistant professor of human relations at the University of Oklahoma. But Moseley also points out that for narcissists, projection may be a “core survival strategy.”

In other words, projection can help a narcissist shift responsibility or shame for their actions onto someone else. And some personalities may be easier to project onto than others.

Narcissistic Projection: What Is It?

Narcissistic projection is a behavior that occurs when a person with a narcissistic personality projects a trait or behavior onto another person. This can happen in any relationship, but it’s most common between narcissists and highly empathetic people.

The challenge with projection is that most people aren’t aware they’re doing it. And because narcissism is associated with low emotional intelligence, a person with a narcissistic personality is unlikely to realize they’re projecting their own traits.

What It Looks Like

“You haven’t seemed very busy lately—what’s up?” while they haven’t helped you with chores for weeks, and you’ve had to do them all by yourself.

They accuse you of only thinking about yourself when you share a problem you’re having.

They accuse you of only thinking about yourself when you share a problem you’re facing. When you tell them their words were hurtful, they respond by saying, “I can’t believe you’re saying something like that to me now. Do you ever think about my feelings?”

Related : The Obsessive Narcissist: Stopping the Suffocation

What Is an Empathetic Person? Why Do They Attract Narcissists?

An empathy is someone who possesses a high degree of empathy, meaning they tend to absorb the feelings of those around them, both good and bad.

Many empathy are also highly sensitive. Both types of people are deeply affected by their physical environment and by the moods and feelings of others.

It’s not uncommon for empathy and narcissists to be drawn to each other in relationships.

“Empathy seem to attract narcissists because they absorb other people’s feelings very easily, much like an emotional sponge,” explains Dr. Holly Skiff, a licensed clinical psychologist in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Skiff also points out that this same trait often attracts narcissists. The more altruistic and caring you are, the more the narcissist sees an opportunity to have their needs met without giving much in return.

Empathetic vs. Narcissistic Traits

Although highly empathetic and highly narcissistic individuals may share some traits that could lead to interdependence, the differences between them are fundamental.

Tips for Dealing with Narcissistic Projection

Dealing with narcissistic projection can feel like a hopeless situation.

Ignoring it might seem comfortable for a while, but putting up with other people’s concerns can become incredibly exhausting, especially for the empathetic person. At the same time, confronting the narcissist about the projection can lead to long and unproductive arguments.

While dealing with narcissistic projection isn’t always easy, it is possible. You can benefit from the following tips.

It’s Not Really About You

When a narcissist projects their feelings onto you, understanding what’s happening behind the scenes can help you avoid being burdened by their guilt and shame.

“Narcissistic projection can seem to come out of nowhere,” says Dr. Brian Wind, chief medical officer at Journey Pure. “But remember, it’s often just a projection of how they really feel about themselves.”

Speak Up

If you choose to confront this defense mechanism directly, maintaining clarity and avoiding arguments are key.

A person with narcissistic traits is unlikely to accept your point of view.

But for some people, the opportunity to express themselves—even briefly—can boost their confidence and security. Some research has linked self-esteem with assertiveness.

Try It

Responding to an accusation with something as simple as, “I’m sorry you think that, but it’s not true,” can be effective.

Set Clear Boundaries

Clear boundaries can help you avoid the emotional burnout of the constant accusations you might face due to narcissistic projection.

While setting boundaries can be challenging for many highly sensitive people, it’s a skill you can hone over time.

Related : What Is Narcissistic Collapse and What Are Its Signs?

One way to set boundaries during narcissistic projection is to limit the duration of the conversation and be firm and clear about ending it at that time.

Stay Calm

It’s easy to say “stay calm,” but it’s hard to do when someone is trying to make you feel guilty about something you didn’t do. However, not reacting to a narcissist can be an effective way to stop their attacks.

Sheaf also emphasizes that withdrawing from the situation is a perfectly acceptable way to stay calm.

“Don’t argue with them or get defensive,” she explains. “That will only make things worse and reinforce their feelings. By leaving the conversation and not engaging with it, you let them deal with their emotions on their own.”

To summarize

If you’re a highly sensitive person who projects narcissism, you might be tempted to take on the emotional burden of the narcissist. This could lead you to question whether you’re actually doing what you’re accused of.

While absorbing this projection might be a natural reaction if you’re highly sensitive to others’ feelings, it’s not always in your best interest in the long run.

If you’re still unsure of your position in the relationship, consulting a trusted third party—like a close friend or therapist—to get their perspective can help you feel more grounded and realistic.