Borderline personality disorder and narcissism are intertwined, like a river and water. The narcissist suffers from an inner emptiness and constantly seeks to satisfy their narcissism. This satisfaction may come in the form of sex, attention, favors, flattery, or even an overwhelming surge of energy.
The borderline personality, on the other hand, is childlike and overflowing with energy, sometimes excessively so. They are so overwhelmed by emotions that they seek help to regulate their emotional state. They also think in binary terms, in black and white; they quickly idolize others and just as quickly demonize them. They excel at playing the innocent, helpless victim because they know it garners them support.
Then comes the narcissist, who dreams of making a name for themselves in the world. The borderline personality offers the perfect, ready-made solution in one person. They have been exploited and abused by former friends and lovers. They are helpless in the face of their emotional turmoil. They need an anchor, a rock to hold them steady amidst the overwhelming chaos of their inner lives.
All of this is linked to the narcissist’s sense of grandeur, activating their savior complex. The person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is often highly attractive, which makes the narcissist feel important and needed, along with the added benefit of regular sexual activity and the boost to their self-esteem from having an attractive partner. Thus, the narcissist and the BPD become immersed in a shared fantasy world, fueled by delusions of grandeur and projections.
As with all glittering illusions, the dark side inevitably resurfaces. The BPD oscillates between glorifying and vilifying the narcissist. They judge the narcissist, point out their flaws, express disappointment, ignore them, withdraw, and then lash out. Any indication that the narcissist is withdrawn, secretive, or doesn’t fit the savior image the BPD has created will trigger a severe retribution. There is no logic to this madness. The BPD’s moods fluctuate like the weather, and each shift brings devastating consequences for the narcissist.
Related : Breaking Free Of A Trauma Bond With A Narcissist
To bolster their self-esteem, the person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) also turns to the opposite sex. They maintain past relationships with potential partners, either to boost their own emotional confidence or as a tool to provoke jealousy and manipulate the narcissist into acting according to their needs. This type of manipulation gradually undermines the narcissist’s sense of grandeur, causing them to question their own self-worth. The BPD may declare that their former partner was better or didn’t bother them in the same way.
Using triangulation and the cycle of idealization/devaluation, the BPD torments the narcissist until they break down, at which point the narcissist eventually abandons them. The narcissist then retreats into seclusion to regroup and rebuild their inflated, false image to its former glory.
