Being showered with affection might seem like a dream come true, until you realize it could be “emotional bombardment,” a common tactic used by narcissists.

It’s natural to want your partner to show you affection. Simple reminders that you’re appreciated and cared for can brighten even the darkest days.

Shows of love can help you feel secure in your relationship and ward off negative feelings like resentment, insecurity, and self-doubt.

But when affection seems constant and excessive at the beginning of a relationship, to the point where it makes you uncomfortable, it might not just be an expression of feelings; you could be a victim of “emotional bombardment.”

Unbelievably Beautiful: The Meaning of “Emotional Bombardment”

“Emotional bombardment” isn’t a diagnostic term, although it’s used by mental health professionals to describe a form of emotional abuse.

When someone bombards you with “love bombardment,” they often shower you with excessive or even overwhelming levels of affection and admiration.

While this might not seem inherently negative, the goal behind so-called “love bombardment” isn’t always that simple.

“Some common features of love bombardment include showering excessive amounts of attention, admiration, and affection,” explains Alexander Burgomaster, a clinical psychologist and author from Amsterdam, Netherlands. “The aim is to make the recipient feel dependent on and obligated to the person.”

Love Bombardment And Control

Love bombardment can be a way to control someone.

It can make you feel guilty or ungrateful if you’re having a disagreement with your partner. You might suppress your own basic instincts, for example, because you feel obligated to fulfill their desires.

The Effect of Love Bombing

If you’re being bombed with love, you might start doing things you wouldn’t normally do. Your reaction might be: “Well, I don’t usually do that, but my partner spends a lot of money on me, so I guess this is the least I can do.”

What Isn’t Love Bombing

Not all displays of affection are love bombs.

Love bombs are often persistent and intense, and they can make you feel uncomfortable.

Usually, it’s not just a fleeting romantic surprise from your partner. However, if the goal is to manipulate you, you may be a victim of love bombs.

Why Do People Bomb Love?

Love bombs are a form of emotional abuse. And like all forms of abuse, they involve exerting control and dominating another person.

“This happens within what’s called the ‘abuse cycle,’ where the emotionally manipulative person tries to create a false sense of connection and trust at the beginning of a relationship in order to control or emotionally harm the other person later,” says Emily Simona, MD, a licensed psychotherapist and head of training at Thrive Works in Washington, D.C.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Emotional Manipulation

While anyone can exhibit emotional manipulation, this type of emotional tactic is most often associated with narcissism, and especially with narcissistic personality disorder.

According to Simona, it’s important to distinguish between narcissistic personality traits and narcissistic personality disorder when discussing emotional manipulation.

“Many people may have one or even several narcissistic traits, such as a constant need for praise or admiration, a sense of entitlement, or an inflated sense of self-importance, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are narcissists,” she explains.

When narcissistic traits overlap with long-standing patterns of behavior in relationships, such as exploitation and manipulation, then narcissistic personality disorder becomes a contributing factor.

Simony an says, “This is where ‘love bombing’ comes in. Some people use it to create a false sense of intimacy for personal gain, which aligns with narcissism.”

Narcissistic personality disorder is classified as a diagnose mental health condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), meaning it causes significant impairment in key areas of functioning.

How Long Does the “Love Bombing” Phenomenon Last?

According to Poltergeist, once your narcissistic partner gains control through “love bombing,” they will move into a more manipulative role, often focusing on belittling you. The time it takes them to feel they have secured your loyalty in the relationship varies.

“Love bombing” typically occurs during the courtship period, which can last days or weeks, but can extend to months if you resist.

Ultimately, there is no set time frame for “love bombing.” It may continue until your partner feels they have achieved their desired level of control.

Poltergeist says, “Love bombing is usually an unconscious behavior, and the process is largely about securing a relationship with another person. Once that is achieved, the narcissist typically becomes a manipulative and controlling partner.”

The “Love Bombing” Cycle

Narcissistic “love bombing” varies depending on the partner and the circumstances. Everyone is unique, and the meaning of “love bombing” can differ from relationship to relationship.

In general, love-bombing is often followed by what’s known as the narcissistic abuse cycle, which typically includes:

Praising
Belittling
Abandoning
Repeated attempts to win you over, or what’s known as “renewed love-bombing.”

Poltergeist notes that these phases usually overlap and continue until you decide to leave. Then, the narcissist may start love-bombing again in an attempt to keep you.

Praising

“In its early stages, love-bombing often involves compliments, gifts, and excessive attention,” he says. “The person will want to constantly communicate with you, which may seem appealing, but it isn’t always the case.”

As the behavior develops, Poltergeist explains, a partner who engages in love-bombing may pressure you to commit early on, while simultaneously becoming upset if you try to set boundaries.

Devaluing

Once they feel secure in the relationship, they may gradually withdraw affection altogether, becoming manipulative and critical.

He says, “They’ll start devaluing the other person, making them feel unwanted by everyone else.”

Abandonment

In some narcissistic relationships, the partner with narcissistic traits may abruptly abandon the relationship. They might end it suddenly or even appear to replace you with someone new immediately.

This is often referred to as the abandonment phase in the narcissistic abuse cycle.

Obstruction

If you reach a point where you’re ready to end the relationship, your partner may revive their “love-bombing” tactics, insisting they’ve “changed” or are “making a genuine effort.”

This phase is often referred to as “obstruction”—a term inspired by a vacuum cleaner—because your partner may try to “snuggle you back” using the same “love-bombing” tactics again.

Although this may often seem genuine, in the case of narcissistic “love bombing,” it is often the beginning of a new cycle of abuse.

Warning Signs: Signs of Love Bombing

Here are some common warning signs that might indicate love bombing:

They give you expensive gifts or spend lavishly on you.

They shower you with compliments.

They constantly contact you.

They pressure you to commit early in the relationship.

They refer to you as a “soulmate” or talk about destiny.

You feel the relationship is unnervingly intense.

They hate it when you set boundaries.

You feel uncomfortable with their level of affection or communication.

Example of Love Bombing

After a couple of dates, they suddenly show up at your door and announce an all-expenses-paid trip to the Caribbean. They say, “You’re truly my soulmate. I’ve never met anyone like you. I feel so confident with you—let’s travel together.”

How to Avoid Manipulative Tactics

“Pay attention to whether you feel balanced or overwhelmed in the relationship, and observe your partner’s reactions when they’re not happy,” warns Simony an.

She explains that it’s natural for new partners to be enthusiastic, but they must still respect your boundaries and opinions.

She adds that how someone reacts to your opinion can often reveal whether their intentions are innocent or manipulative.

To summarize

When you care about someone, expressing your feelings can mean a great deal to them.

However, conditional love can be a hallmark of what’s known as “love bombing.”

Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse. While anyone can exhibit this behavior, it’s most commonly seen in individuals with narcissistic personality disorder.

Recognizing narcissistic “love bombing” behavior and trusting your instincts when a relationship feels overly emotionally charged can help you avoid the cycle of abuse that can develop in this type of relationship.