Crying is one of the most natural human emotions, closely linked to pain, sadness, joy, elation, and intense emotion.

Some might think that narcissists are too heartless to cry, but this isn’t always true. While some narcissists never cry, others cry very easily!

The only reason a narcissist cries is for manipulation. Either they want to elicit your sympathy so you won’t leave them and will continue giving them what they need… or they do it to control you in some other way.

Narcissists never cry for anyone else; they only cry for themselves.

Let’s explore why narcissists cry and what lies behind their tears.

About Narcissism

During childhood, the narcissist experienced some kind of trauma, which unconsciously led them to reject themselves. This might have manifested as neglect (emotional or physical) or perhaps as excessive indulgence, resulting in a distorted and unhealthy self-image.

In both cases, the narcissist completely severed ties with their true self to protect themselves from their most painful truth—that they are imperfect, like everyone else.

Their true self instilled in them profound feelings of shame, inadequacy, and unworthiness, leading to feelings of rejection and abandonment. They simply couldn’t acknowledge these aspects of themselves, so they unconsciously allowed their ego to dominate.

To ensure the ego’s survival, the narcissist must never, under any circumstances, see the painful truth of their imperfection. To achieve this, they create a false self, a complete inversion of their true self.

The false self lives in a fabricated reality, where the narcissist imagines themselves to be a superior and perfect being. This sense of superiority is accompanied by a feeling of entitlement and arrogance, believing that the entire universe revolves around them and that everyone in it is merely a tool in their hands.

The fundamental problem with the reality of the false self is that it doesn’t exist in reality. However, this false reality is essential for the narcissist’s psychological survival. If this world were to vanish, all that would remain is their inner emptiness, the place where they lived their true selves before expelling them.

To maintain this false reality, the narcissist needs to constantly amplify it. They rely on constant confirmation from the outside world that their false reality is, in fact, “real.”

The narcissist obtains this constant confirmation through attention. Narcissists exploit both positive and negative attention because it validates their ego’s existence.

On a deeper level, narcissists sever their connection to the divine life energy with which we are all born. Through this energy, we can experience true love, happiness, empathy, kindness, and compassion.

Narcissists are true energy vampires.

Without this energy, the narcissist surrenders themselves to a life devoid of conscience, incapable of experiencing any genuine human emotion.

Ultimately, the narcissist is left with an inner emptiness that is only temporarily filled by draining the life force from others. This is called narcissistic sustenance.

Therefore, when a narcissist mimics crying, sadness, or any other human emotion, it is important to remember that it can never be genuine. They are, in fact, incapable of experiencing those emotions.

So, if they’re using fake emotions to try to control you, it’s nothing but emotional blackmail.

Why do narcissists cry?

In reality, narcissists don’t feel sadness or remorse the way we do, but they are masters at feigning it if given the chance to get what they want.

If you’ve ever witnessed a genuine narcissistic crying spell, complete with jerky shoulders, sharp sobs, and copious tears, you’ll naturally be skeptical of what I’m about to tell you.

The only reason a narcissist cries is for manipulation.

A narcissist’s tears are meticulously crafted to control others and situations, meaning they have to be incredibly convincing.

So, if a narcissist doesn’t truly feel the intense emotions needed to feign sadness in this way, how do they manage it?

The answer is quite simple. After years of watching you cry because of their words and actions, and observing others cry, they know how to mimic it down to the smallest detail. Since there is no genuine sadness, remorse, or pain behind a narcissist’s tears, it’s all just a theatrical performance.

Do narcissists believe their own tears?

To some extent, a narcissist does believe their own tears, but perhaps not for the reasons you might expect.

In moments of loss, pain, or grief, a narcissist doesn’t genuinely feel any of those intense human emotions because they lack the capacity to do so. What they feel is an intense fear of losing control over a person or situation.

The terror they experience is undoubtedly real because, for them, losing control means losing a precious source of ego gratification.

Let’s look at some examples:

You’re about to leave because you’re fed up with their behavior.

They cry to exploit your sympathy and convince you to stay, so they can continue draining your energy and resources.

A close family member dies.

The narcissist cries for themselves because they’ve lost a valuable ally who believed in their fabricated reality and helped them perpetuate it.

The narcissist doesn’t cry for you or anyone else. They cry for themselves and for what they’re about to lose (or have just lost).

Narcissists Cry For Sympathy

If a narcissist doesn’t get what they want, they’ll cry to elicit sympathy. This reveals their emotional inadequacy; it’s like dealing with a big, inflated child.

In short, the narcissist’s needs aren’t met, so they cry.

Their tears will touch the hearts of those capable of empathy. These empathy will listen, try to help, and offer support and attention.

The narcissist will make others feel guilty and ashamed if they don’t pity and help them. The bottom line is that the narcissist refuses to take responsibility for themselves and expects others to do so.

Empathy, in particular, will sense the narcissist’s desperate need and will want to do everything they can to alleviate their “suffering.”

All this attention is nothing more than feeding their narcissism. Crying puts the narcissist back at the center of the universe, making them the focus of attention.

No matter how many despicable actions and words the narcissist commits, their sense of superiority makes them believe they are never wrong.

This manifests itself in the narcissist constantly seeing themselves as a victim of others.

The moment anyone tries to hold the narcissist accountable for their behavior, their ego projects the same actions onto the victim. In doing so, they transform the real victim into the guilty party (in their fabricated world).

If the narcissist ever feels targeted, they point the finger at the person responsible and try to eliminate them. Throughout this narrative, they portray themselves as the victim, thus justifying their reprehensible behavior.

In the world of the narcissist, they genuinely believe they are the victim at your hands. Even your mere escape from their abuse makes them feel wronged.

“How dare you deprive me of my medication (my livelihood)?!”

The narcissist will cry as much as necessary to validate their story and gain sympathy.

Narcissists Cry For Control

As skilled manipulators, narcissists have no qualms about crying to control others.

Subtle narcissists, in particular, are adept at shedding crocodile tears to manipulate those around them. They will cry if they don’t get what they want, if they don’t receive enough attention (their livelihood), and if you try to escape.

For narcissists who rarely cry (if they cry at all), crying in those rare moments has a powerful effect. Their tears in this case suggest that they genuinely and deeply care about you, if they actually shed any tears at all.

Expect a narcissist who doesn’t usually cry to shed copious tears if you’re trying to break free from the cycle of abuse. This is a desperate attempt on their part to maintain control over you and keep you as a primary source of gratification.

Narcissists Cry Out Of Fear

A narcissist’s life’s purpose is to constantly search for and drain the source of gratification for their narcissistic desires. Without this source, they will fall into an abyss of darkness, resentment, and self-loathing—their true nature.

Anyone who has ever dealt with a narcissist will tell you that glimpses of this hidden monster emerge when the supply of attention dwindles.

The Arrogant Narcissist

The arrogant narcissist is usually more outgoing and self-confident, making it easier for them to attract attention and admiration from those around them.

They may be skilled at a particular hobby, excel at their work, and be attractive enough to consistently receive the admiration they crave.

The arrogant narcissist can frequently shift their sources of attention, but this becomes more difficult as they age and their beauty and resources diminish.

The Covered Narcissist

The covert narcissist is more introverted, less charismatic, and less self-confident. Their ego will still believe they are superior and deserving, just like the overt narcissist, but they obtain their attention in a different way.

The covert narcissist exploits their victims’ need for attention by displaying feigned humility and empathy, leading people to believe they are not narcissistic at all. The covert narcissist always plays the victim!

The covert narcissist seeks to secure their livelihood for life as a form of security.

Altruistic Narcissists

There are also altruistic narcissists who derive their self-worth from helping others. I know, that doesn’t sound narcissistic at all, does it?

With an altruistic narcissist, it’s more like, “I’ll help you, and you have to appreciate me immensely, or else!”

Malignant Narcissists

Then there are the malignant narcissists, who are much more subtle and make a living by hurting others. In fact, malignant narcissists are driven by a powerful urge to control every aspect of their partners’ lives, to a sickening degree. And they won’t let their victims escape easily.

Regardless of the type of narcissist you’re dealing with, the fear of losing their supply is terrifying. They’re no different from a drug addict who might resort to violence and do anything to get another hit.

For a narcissist, losing their supply is worse than death.

So, it’s common for a narcissist to cry out of fear of losing their supply, whether it’s due to losing a partner, their social status, or anything else that fuels their cravings.

The problem is that normal, empathetic people don’t realize they’re dealing with a demon in disguise and easily fall prey to their tears.

And that’s how people repeatedly fall into the clutches of abusive relationships. I can attest to these very tactics, which my narcissistic ex-boyfriend used on me countless times, keeping me tied down and draining my energy for almost 20 years.

When Narcissists Don’t Cry

If you’ve been in contact with a narcissist long enough, you’ve probably noticed that they often don’t cry in situations that would normally elicit an emotional response.

There are many situations in life that can be stressful or emotionally impactful, where non-narcissists can easily become overwhelmed with emotion. Examples include the birth or death of a family member, financial pressures, health problems, and successes and achievements in hobbies and work.

However, the narcissist remains neutral in expressing their feelings. Why is that?

Essentially, narcissists don’t feel happiness, sadness, or stress, so their lack of emotional expression is perfectly normal.

The only reason they don’t resort to emotional manipulation is because they believe it offers no real benefit. If crying or feigning any kind of emotion would bring them something, rest assured they would!

More about Narcissists and Crying

Do Narcissists Cry When Someone Dies or at Funerals?

Certainly, a narcissist might cry when someone dies, but not from the deep grief we feel when losing a loved one. In fact, some narcissists may show no emotion at all when a friend or family member dies.

Here are some reasons why a narcissist might cry when someone dies:

To attract attention – to draw attention to themselves at the entire event and monopolize as much attention as possible.

To feel a loss of support – to cry for themselves because they have lost a valuable source of support.

To feel cheated – if they don’t receive a large inheritance.

To improve their public image – if they need to appear as a grieving widow/daughter/father/close friend.

To feel angry – “How selfish of them to leave me. How dare they!”

Do Narcissists Cry Alone?

Since crying is often used as a tool for manipulation, there’s no logical reason for a narcissist to cry when they’re alone.

You might expect a narcissist to burst into tears when you enter the room, implying they’ve been crying, but this is just another manipulation to exploit your sympathy.

Unless the narcissist is experiencing a lack of emotional support in their life and is deeply saddened by it, they won’t cry alone.

Do narcissists cry while watching movies?

Narcissists don’t usually cry while watching movies, as empathetic people often do. However, if they can see themselves in the character on screen and feel that the story is their own, they might cry.

However, their tears aren’t an expression of empathy for the story or the character; they’re tears for themselves alone.

If they want to make you believe they’re sensitive, modern people, they can certainly feign crying and emotional reactions in movies during the “love bombardment” phase. These tears are used to program you with a false image of who they really are.

Do Narcissists Cry When You Leave?

Absolutely, narcissists will cry when you leave them! The only time in a relationship where you can be almost 100% sure a narcissist will cry is when you finally find the strength to break free.

They won’t cry when you’re gone and they’re feeling lonely. No, they’ll save those tears for when they need to play the victim, broken and defeated, in front of others because of your abuse.

They’ll save their tears for you, too.

They want to embarrass you and make you feel incredibly guilty for draining your energy and leaving them. They hope to use your empathy and good nature as a weapon against you, to lure you back into the relationship and keep you there.

Narcissist Crying

Narcissists are masters of deception. Their fake crying is so convincing that they can fool even the most astute people.

After breaking up with an abusive narcissist partner of two decades, I struggled to cope with his fake crying. As a highly sensitive person, I was fooled by my ex-boyfriend’s fake tears many times. Those tears even kept me in the relationship for an extra seven years after I told him I was ending it (for the first time)! I started to doubt my instincts; I’d been easily deceived by a manipulative and dark-spirited person for so long.

Narcissists learn how to act and react in certain situations to achieve their goal… which is always to get attention, resources, and feed their ego.

That’s why they deserve an Oscar.

But what if you’re the one crying? How does a narcissist react when they see you cry? Find out in the article below.

How do narcissists react when you cry?

Narcissists either love it or hate it.

They are incapable of feeling any real empathy for what you’re feeling or going through, so you won’t get any pity from them.

If your tears are because of someone else or a situation, they don’t benefit the narcissist in any way, so you should stop. Your crying deprives him of his attention and precious attention, and that’s unacceptable to him.

If your tears are because of the narcissist, whether they are tears of joy or sadness, the narcissist will feel elated. These tears make him feel incredibly powerful for being able to elicit this emotional response from you, which feeds his ego.