Narcissists are self-obsessed, even obsessed, beings. It’s difficult to grasp the idea of their obsession with anyone outside their own self-image.

There are several reasons why narcissists are obsessed with others, but ultimately, their motives are purely selfish.

If you’re wondering how to make a narcissist obsessed with you, I don’t recommend going down that path. A narcissist is a person without conscience, without identity, and lacking any moral compass. Most people who fall into a narcissist’s trap emerge shattered.

Nevertheless, out of curiosity, I wrote this article to explore the reasons why narcissists are obsessed with others and how to make them obsessed with you.

Why Do Narcissists Become Obsessed With People

Data Collection

During the “love bombardment” phase, a narcissist spends hours, days, or even weeks studying their chosen target. Here, people rightly misunderstand the narcissist’s excessive interest, mistaking them for a “very attentive and good listener.”

In reality, what the narcissist is doing is gathering as much information as possible about their victim and storing it for later use.

The narcissist’s mechanism works as follows:

The narcissist presents a temporary, false image of what you truly want them to be.

You feel safe and trust the narcissist quickly. You open up to them and share your deepest hopes, dreams, desires, fears, and insecurities.

The narcissist stores all the information you give them to use against you later.

Once you fall into the narcissist’s trap, they begin to undermine your sense of self, completely controlling you.

The deeper you become in the relationship, the more you surrender to the narcissist, becoming, in their eyes, insignificant, worthless, and degraded.

Although the narcissist doesn’t intend to put in any significant effort in the relationship, they don’t hesitate to become obsessed with it from the very beginning. He seeks to understand this new person completely in order to control and manipulate him to achieve his goals.

Possessiveness

Narcissists don’t see people as independent beings with their own feelings, goals, and desires. Instead, they see the person merely as a tool to achieve their own ends.

A narcissist’s ego needs constant attention from the outside world to bolster it and validate their imagined importance. To get this attention, the narcissist always strives to excel in everything. They want the best car, a house in a more prestigious neighborhood than their friends’ and family’s, a more beautiful or successful partner, the best job, the most stylish clothes, and so on.

Once a narcissist sets their sights on someone to fulfill their goals, they become possessive of them. They believe they want this person because they provide what their ego needs, and therefore, no one else has the right to possess them.

Remember, narcissists see people as objects.

Narcissists become obsessed with others when they believe they “own” them. This also applies to their former partners. In their fantasy world, if they own you once, they own you forever. They don’t want you to move on and be happy with someone else, and they certainly don’t want you to start a relationship with anyone they know. Narcissists are like sulky little children who hate sharing. How dare anyone play with their neglected toy!

There are countless stories in this community of people who have been stalked by their obsessive, narcissistic ex-partners who refused to let go of their control. Please don’t mistakenly think that the narcissist loves you and misses you. They simply can’t bear to lose control over you and their source of inspiration. That’s all there is to it.

FearAndControl

If you get too close to a narcissist, or if they realize you know the truth behind their mask, they may become obsessed with you.

For a narcissist, being exposed is their greatest fear. Their fabricated image, created by their ego, must be protected at all costs. Without this facade, their imaginary world collapses, and all that remains for the narcissist is their inner reality. At the heart of a narcissist lies the deepest shame, self-loathing, and sense of unworthiness. To a narcissist, wallowing in this mire is worse than death.

If a narcissist feels threatened by your exposure of any truth about them, they will scrutinize everything you do, who you associate with, and what you say to others.

After my separation from my narcissistic husband of twenty years, he became obsessed with who I spoke to, what he asked me, and what I said to him. Clearly, he didn’t want me to tell any of our mutual friends or family anything that didn’t serve his interests. He wanted to be seen as the innocent victim who had done nothing wrong to deserve being left by his family. He interrogated me, demanding to know every detail of our conversations, down to the smallest point: “What did the other person say? Did they ask about me? Because it’s all your fault.”

When a narcissist fears being exposed, they become obsessed with rewriting history and manipulating events. Don’t be surprised if you see him using his followers to publicly smear your reputation. If a narcissist feels threatened by you, you will become his number one enemy, and you must be eliminated before you can eliminate him.

The Need For Supply

A narcissist is like a drug addict. Their entire life revolves around getting their next fix of their favorite drug: narcissistic supply.

In short, narcissistic supply is everything that feeds a narcissist’s ego—attention, admiration, validation, and flattery. To get these things, the narcissist believes they must always be the best in everything, thus maintaining the spotlight and monopolizing everyone’s attention.

Essentially, this attention is a vital energy source. Deep down, the narcissist feels utterly worthless, and to mask this detestable aspect of themselves, their ego takes over. Ego isn’t a real aspect; it’s merely a false illusion. And to maintain this illusion, it needs constant feeding.

When the narcissist’s supply of narcissistic supply runs dry, they begin to withdraw into themselves as their false self-image crumbles.

The narcissist cannot tolerate this situation at all, so they become obsessed with people they believe will provide them with the vital energy they so desperately crave. And the worse the situation gets, the more obsessed the narcissist becomes at securing a new source of this energy.

How to Make a Narcissist Obsessed with You?

The basic idea behind making a narcissist obsessed with you is to outsmart them at their own game. In fact, the way you should treat and respond to them is extremely narcissistic, which is why I don’t recommend it.

These strategies may or may not work. On one hand, they might succeed and make the narcissist obsessed with you. Or they might backfire completely, and the narcissist will abandon you because you’re not giving them what they’re looking for.

Here’s how…

Be Physically Attractive

Narcissists are completely obsessed with appearance and how others perceive them based on that appearance. If they see you as physically attractive, they’ll want you around because you’ll make them look good. The attention your good looks attract from others will be reflected directly on the narcissist.

How do you make a narcissist obsessed with you? Since they see you as a tool to gain their favor, they don’t really care about your essence. As long as you look good (like a designer handbag or watch), you’re playing into their false image.

By making yourself physically attractive, the narcissist will see how much attention you receive from others and will see you as a prize to be won.

Narcissists are incredibly competitive! Their egos constantly whisper to them that their worth lies in being the best. To them, losing means being less than the dirt under their shoes. That can’t be allowed.

How do you make a narcissist obsessed with you? Make yourself a prize to be won.

Make Them Jealous

Another way to make a narcissist obsessed with you is to flirt with others and make them jealous. If the narcissist decides he wants you, but sees you enjoying the attention of others, his possessive instincts will kick in.

Deep down, he’s already decided you belong to him, so he’ll be intensely jealous when he sees you flirting and interacting with others.

You need to give him just enough fleeting glances to make him feel like he has a chance, but at the same time, direct the attention a narcissist craves toward others.

Ultimately, a narcissist suffers from profound inner unhappiness and seeks to fill this void with external things he believes will bring him happiness. As he sees you giving that “happiness” to someone else, his craving for it will only intensify.

Ignore Them Completely

Narcissists are accustomed to controlling and manipulating those around them, making people fawn over them. If you know they desire you, yet completely ignore them, you pose a challenge to them.

Your self-confidence and lack of need for or dependence on others are initially very attractive to many narcissists. Over time, they will continue to expect you to hand over the reins because they believe they are superior and that this is what they deserve.

But by ignoring them, they will see you as a prize. Winning your favor and ultimately controlling you is a much greater challenge for them than being an “easy” prey that readily submits. It’s not that they see you as more worthy; it’s that they see it as a greater victory.

They will think: “I am so powerful that I can even make confident people easily submit to me.”

Don’t Give in to the allure of excessive love

During the excessive love phase, the narcissist goes to great lengths to maintain a false image, pretending to be the “perfect” person you’re looking for. At the same time, they gather as much information as possible about you to figure out how to hurt your feelings later and drain your energy.

Knowing this inside information allows you to make the narcissist obsessed with you, giving you significant power.

While the narcissist paints an aura of perfection around you, they will be obsessed because they genuinely believe you are the one who will fill the void in their life with the happiness they so desperately crave. They will take you on lavish dates, shower you with attention, lavish compliments, and make you feel like the most precious person in the world.

They will be completely controlling during this initial phase because they want to quickly gain your trust and become attached to you. The idea is that they need to secure and control you before you can abandon or reject them.

They want to feed you, and they need to maintain a tight grip on you so you keep giving it to them.

How can you use the “love bombardment” phase to your advantage?

Enjoy the attention they shower on you without becoming dependent on it.

Don’t fulfill every request they make.

Avoid sharing any deeply personal information, and keep things light and fun.

Once a narcissist thinks you’re attached to them, they’ll start testing you by subtly belittling you to see your reaction. If you back down and lose your sparkle in the face of their insults, they’ll know they’ve got you under control. But if you laugh and respond to their insults with even better comments directed at them, they’ll know you’re not easily manipulated.

How do you keep a narcissist interested during the “love bombardment” phase without falling into their trap? It’s very delicate. You need to give them enough attention and appreciation to feed their ego, but without surrendering yourself completely. Ultimately, if they can’t get past the flattery stage and convince you to stay with them, they’ll tire of the charade and move on to a new target. However, they’ll likely keep you available as a future resource if needed.

Be Evasive

Since a narcissist wants you to live and breathe them, they will try to monopolize all your time, especially during periods of showering affection.

What a narcissist wants is for you to feel needed. They plan to hurt you and create a strong emotional bond so you believe they are your only source of satisfaction and security, thus making you dependent and unable to let go.

To counter this expectation and keep them obsessed, you need to be consistently unavailable. This is where you can play their game of alternating between kindness and coldness. We know this tactic works because they use it constantly with others!

If they call or text you wanting to connect, instead of being available all the time, be busy at least half the time. Give them a glimpse of what they want, then withdraw at random intervals. Let them not know when you’ll be back or when you’ll be free.

Your inability to connect emotionally will make them obsessed and want you even more… for a while.

But be prepared for a narcissist to quickly lose interest if they don’t see any progress with you. Ultimately, everything to them revolves around satisfying their desires. If you don’t fulfill those desires, they’ll abandon you and seek them elsewhere.

Stay Exciting

Narcissists thrive on gossip, drama, and excitement. These things make them feel energized, important, and valued.

If a narcissist has information (gossip) about someone else, they’ll use it as a tool to reinforce their need to feel important and informed.

Excitement and adventure give them a sense of superiority, as if their lives are far better than others because they’re doing all these amazing things. This is what makes them feel superior.

Drama evokes strong reactions and emotions in people, both positive and negative. Narcissists love to feed on the life energy that naturally arises in dramatic situations. Whether it’s a domestic disaster, chaos at work, conflict with those around them, or ups and downs in your relationship, drama provides a rich source of narcissistic gratification.

To keep a narcissist obsessed with you, keep your life full of drama, gossip, excitement, and adventure, and they’ll come back to you again and again.

Maintain Your Independence

A narcissist seeks to control your thoughts, feelings, and overall perspective. They want complete control over the course of events and will work to make you doubt your memories and experiences.

Staying independent will make the narcissist obsessed with you because you represent a challenge to them.

It’s important to hold onto your true account of events, as well as your feelings, memories, and decision-making abilities. Narcissists are adept at distorting other people’s reality and making them doubt themselves without realizing it.

Get Rid Of The Narcissist First

What infuriates a narcissist most is being discarded first. It’s natural for a narcissist to let you go at some point in their life, but they don’t believe you have the right to let them go. Being discarded will severely damage their pride, as they will feel rejected, which completely contradicts their false image of perfection.

Letting go of the narcissist first will completely throw them off balance, as their focus will shift to how to win you back. At this stage, it’s crucial to understand that he doesn’t want you back because he cares about you or misses you; rather, he wants you back to regain control, then punish and discard you on his own terms.

I advise you to seize this opportunity to completely sever your relationship with the narcissist and never allow him back into your life.

Move over and be happy without them

The best way to make a narcissist obsessed with you is to move on and be completely free and happy without them. Seeing how happy you are without them will infuriate them because they see you as far superior. How can you be happy without them?

A narcissist spends their life searching for a way to fill their dark void with happiness, but they don’t know where to find it or how to fix it. Everything they get only offers temporary comfort. Seeing you move on and find happiness without them is the most devastating blow they can receive.

At this point, it’s best to completely cut ties with the narcissist and remove them from your life. Some narcissists can become extremely vindictive and will stop at nothing to destroy your happiness to feel better.

Their distorted view of reality will justify their despicable behavior at every turn, claiming they are the victims and that you deserve punishment.

It’s truly baffling, but the most important thing is to protect yourself. Why You Shouldn’t Let a Narcissist Obsess You

Narcissists are experts at this. They will outsmart you more than you can imagine. You might think you’re in control of playing the narcissist, but they will skillfully breach your defenses without you even realizing it!

I believe that letting a narcissist obsess you is completely unhealthy because they are souls possessed by negative energy, devoid of conscience.

A person without conscience is extremely dangerous because they feel no remorse for their actions. The deliberate desire to manipulate someone who lives their life by seeking to destroy them is complete self-sabotage on a grand scale.

A relationship with a narcissist might start off fun and exciting, only to find yourself years later trapped in a toxic relationship, burdened with trauma.

Narcissists aren’t who they are simply by being ordinary people. They are master manipulators who believe their own lies. They think they are gods to be worshipped, above everyone else. Therefore, they mistakenly believe that the laws of karmic consciousness don’t apply to them, making them incredibly dangerous and malevolent. Yet, they are also adept at making others bear the burden of their karma while they go free to destroy another soul.

If you truly want a narcissist obsessed with you, it’s time to look at yourself and ask, “Why?” Are you seeking their approval and validation? Are you desperately seeking revenge? Are you bored and think this is a fun way to pass the time?

Whatever your reasons, I’ll always respond with the same thought: The only thing you should focus on (and even obsessively focus on) is healing yourself.

The ultimate goal of narcissists in our lives is to test our willingness to surrender control to an external source. Throughout history, we have been conditioned to believe that the love, acceptance, and security we seek must be found outside ourselves. But this is far from the truth.

We all possess the capacity to connect with our true selves and with the Divine Creator of all that exists. Narcissists are an exception because they severed their connection with their true selves long ago. You cannot heal them or manipulate them into anything other than what they are—a flawed, incomplete soul.

This has nothing to do with religion; it’s about returning to our true selves. When we learn to set healthy boundaries, take full responsibility for ourselves, and feel no guilt toward those who don’t accept us, we are at our strongest. When we process our deepest traumas and release them from our consciousness, we become the source of our own love, contentment, and security.

The narcissist becomes insignificant, and there’s no way you can lower yourself to their level trying to make them obsessed with you. In fact, the very idea is repulsive because you never want to be associated with such a dark soul again!

I hope this article has been helpful and has given you a better understanding of the reasons behind and the behavior of obsessive narcissists.

Now it’s time to focus on yourself. Take care of yourself, practice self-care daily, and create for yourself a beautiful, narcissistic life, the life you have always dreamed of.