Have you ever thought – “Why do I attract toxic people?” Is there something wrong with you? Are you sending the wrong letters and messages? Or do you possess certain qualities that toxic people look for in their victims?
Are you attracted to toxicity?
We often get frustrated with all the toxic people in our lives because they can greatly affect our mental and emotional health. However, before we start blaming others for their toxicity, we need to take a hard look at ourselves to understand why we are attracted to them in the first place. We need to realize that our thoughts, behaviors, and actions are the main causes of this toxic attraction. “Who we attract has a lot to do with who we are,” explains author and leadership coach Lolly Daskal.
no. This does not mean that something is wrong with you. It simply means that you are attracted to toxic people because of certain traits that toxic people specifically find alluring and attractive. “Modern dating is no walk in the park, but sometimes, we’re setting ourselves up for failure,” HuffPost senior correspondent Brittany Wong writes. “Think of yourself as the pebble in your shoe that makes walking more difficult.” So before you ask, “Why do I attract toxic people?” Find out if you are subconsciously drawn to toxicity.
Read also: How A Narcissist Poisons You And Your Whole Being
Positivity attracts toxicity
Unfortunately, your positive attitude, unique perspective, and healthy approach to life are what cause you to attract the wrong people. Author and spiritual pastor Kylon George explains, “It may not occur to you that some of your strongest positive qualities might attract bad people.”
Toxic individuals feel very threatened because your positivity and optimism about life make you an easy target for them. They believe that by controlling you, controlling you, and bullying you, by taking away your inner peace and happiness, they will feel powerful. It helps them boost their fragile egos and shattered self-esteem. “The key is not to suppress your positive personality strengths, but to educate yourself so that toxic people can’t use them against you,” Cylon suggests.
Why do I attract toxic people? Here is the answer
If you are a magnet for toxic people, here are 7 reasons why you attract toxic people and how to stop attracting toxic people:
- You listen and understand others
You are a great listener and toxic people love to be heard. They take advantage of this to talk to you about everything and anything just to make them feel important and wanted. They will talk for hours even if you are not interested and share their negativity with you every time you meet them. Since you are an empathetic listener, they will constantly talk about themselves, without hearing your opinions or stories. “You may unintentionally find yourself the target of a bully or narcissist in conversation,” Calon adds.
How to deal with it:
Instead of asking, “Why do I attract toxic people?” Set some healthy boundaries when dealing with toxic people and pre-determine the amount of time you want to spend with them. Have an exit strategy and use it with confidence when the predetermined time is up. Cylon suggests “limiting your conversations with bad guys to no more than a few minutes.”
Read also: What It Means When a Narcissist Says “I Love You”
- You are a problem solver
You love to fix things and people. You love helping others heal. This can be a surefire way to attract toxic people. “You find it hard to just leave things alone. You consider yourself a problem solver, but that often means crossing boundaries and wreaking havoc on your relationships,” writes Lolly Daskal. Toxic people love emotional therapists because it’s easy for them to take advantage of your compassionate nature and willingness to help others selflessly.
How to deal with it:
If you want an answer to the question “Why do I attract toxic people?” You need to learn to let things go. Realize that you cannot fix everything and everyone. Being a therapist and repairman can be a great perk, but a good rule of thumb is to only help when asked. When you put yourself out there and willingly help others out of your good nature, you are making yourself a target for toxic people.
- You are generous
I keep wondering, “Why do I attract toxic people?” This is because of your kind heart. Although generosity may be a trait that most of us would like to have, it is often a recipe for attracting toxic people. Narcissists and abusers will be drawn to you when you meet their every need and give them the attention they so desperately seek. As you continue to give in to their demands, they will demand more and control you. This can make you feel bitter and resentful.
How to deal with it:
It’s okay to be generous but it’s also important to set healthy boundaries. Learn how to decline requests that may harm your mental and emotional health. “Generosity without borders is a recipe for toxic relationships,” Carillon explains. To establish healthy, reasonable boundaries, start by being aware of your feelings and needs.
Read also: Why Narcissists Behave The Way They Do
- You are emotional
Toxic people are often attracted to individuals who are driven and have a certain positive energy that enables them to pursue their dreams. They often feel intimidated by people who have dreams and are motivated to make them come true. So they will spread their toxicity and discourage you to prevent you from succeeding. They will try to sow the seeds of fear and doubt. And when you start to make progress, they’ll double down on their strategy,” adds Kyle. I hope this helps answer the nagging question — “Why do I attract toxic people?”
How to deal with it:
Be around passionate people like you. People who have the same dreams and goals as you and are as motivated as you are. Surround yourself with positive people and don’t share your dreams with closed-off or negative people.
- You have personal effects
Most of us have some emotional baggage that we carry from our past into our present. Childhood trauma, past experiences, and toxic relationships with your ex often leave you feeling insecure and vulnerable. And this can be very attractive to toxic people. Your vulnerability and emotional scars make it easy for them to assault, control, and abuse you. They drag you down by making you feel more insecure and making you doubt your self-worth.
Relationship therapist Aaron Anderson says, “No one likes to hear this, but let’s face it, baggage is a possibility. You can’t help it if you’re stressed with your ex or if your parents weren’t exactly the best and you’re repeating the same patterns.” This is perhaps one of the wildest realizations when discovering, “Why do I attract toxic people?”
How to deal with it:
Instead of running from the past, start facing it. Acknowledge your emotional baggage and start healing yourself from the inside. Instead of looking for someone else to help you overcome your baggage, empower yourself through self-love and self-care. “Do some work on you,” Anderson suggests.
Read also: 7 Things That Look Like Love But Are Actually Emotional Abuse
- You are a perfectionist
You strive for perfection in every aspect of your life, including your relationships. Attracting toxic people becomes a lot easier when you’re always striving for perfection. By constantly striving hard for the perfect relationship, the perfect partner, or to be the perfect spouse, you are showing toxic people that you are willing to do anything to make your relationship great. “Toxic people quickly manipulate you into doing all sorts of things in the name of perfection,” Lolly Daskal writes. You may not always find the most satisfying answer to your question – “Why do I attract toxic people?”, but accepting the truth is a great place to start change.
How to deal with it:
She suggests: “Raise your self-esteem to healthy levels.” When you have a healthy sense of self-worth and self-esteem, you will stop striving for perfection unnecessarily. It’s also important to set healthy personal boundaries. Lolly adds, “Practice positive thinking and affirmations, be grateful for your opportunities and abilities, and focus on your mission and goal to unburden yourself.”
“No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. You have to be willing to balance expectations with accepting your partner for who they are,” says therapist Jennifer Behnke.
- You are a positive person
Why do I attract toxic people? Because you are optimistic. It may be that your positive approach to life attracts toxic people. Narcissists and negative individuals live in a dark world with heavy hearts. Your positivity is addictive because you make them feel good and see the light. However, instead of entering the light themselves, they will pull you into their darkness. “As the saying goes, opposites attract. Sometimes the positive light you shine attracts people who crave the light themselves,” explains spiritual pastor Kylon George.
Unfortunately, your positivity makes you very tolerant of toxic people. He adds, “You may find yourself putting up with their negative and even abusive behavior. You may not realize you are in a relationship with a toxic person until the situation becomes dire.”
How to deal with it:
Trust your instincts. Listen to your gut feelings when they tell you to be careful and careful around someone. Although your optimism and positivity make it difficult for you to withdraw from others, you need to consider the warning signs and protect yourself mentally and emotionally. Cylon suggests “If you’re in a negative emotional or abusive situation, feel free to second-guess the discomfort you’re feeling inside.”
Read also: Signs Of A Toxic Marriage That Seem Normal But Are Not
Avoid toxicity, embrace positivity
Once you start implementing the above suggestions in your life, you can finally stop attracting toxic people and set healthy boundaries. “Focus on taking care of yourself and remove yourself from believing that a relationship is a shortcut to happiness or feeling good about where you are in life,” Brittany Wong writes.
Your positivity is undoubtedly a gift that you need to protect from those who intend to abuse it. Despite how much these toxic individuals may try to influence you, never allow them to convince you to be your most authentic self. “Just be aware of this fact so you can better identify danger as it arises and take positive preventive measures,” concludes Kyle.
Read also: 4 Levels of Gaslighting: From Unconscious to Malicious
