When a narcissist says I love you, do they mean it? Can a narcissist fall in love? Or is this another type of their manipulation to control you and your emotions?
What does it mean when a narcissist says I love you
Dear Certified Partner,
What I will say is not something I would ever say or admit (to you), because doing so would end the winner-takes-all game that is my chief source of pleasure in life—the game that effectively keeps you carrying my burden in our relationship.
And that’s the whole point.
When I say “I love you” I mean I love how hard you work to make me feel like I am everything, that I am the center of your life, that you want me to be happy, and that I would never be expected to do the same.
I love the power I have to take advantage of your kindness and your intentions to be kind, the pleasure I derive when I make myself feel so large compared to you, and take every opportunity to make you feel small and insignificant.
I love the feeling it makes me think of you as a weak, vulnerable, and emotionally tender person, and I love to look down on you for your childlike innocence and naivety, as a weakness.
I love the way I feel knowing that, through the use of gaslighting, what you want to discuss or address will never happen, and I love this “power” of training you to feel “crazy” even when you’re asking or bringing up issues that I don’t care about, effectively, where It lowers your expectations of me and what I can give you, while I am of you.
I love how easy it is to keep your sole focus on easing my pain (never yours!), and no matter what you do, you’ll never make me feel good enough, loved enough, respected enough, appreciated enough, and soon. (Misery loves company).
(It’s not about the closeness, the sympathy, the emotional connection you want, or what I did that hurt or embarrassed you, or how little time I spend connecting with you or the kids, etc. It’s about my position and doing my job to keep you where you are, in your pain, and focused To feel my pain, and to prevent you from feeling appreciative of me. I am superior and deserving of all the fun and admiration and comfort between us, remember?)
“I love you” means that I love the way I feel when you are with me, and more specifically, about you as a piece of property that I have, my property. Like driving a hot car, I love how it enhances my status in other people’s eyes, telling them I’m the best dog, etc. I like to think other people are jealous of my possessions.
I love the power I have to keep you working hard to prove your love and devotion, and I wonder what else you need to do to “prove” your loyalty.
“I love you” means I love the way I feel when I’m with you. Because of how often I hate others and generally look down on others, the mirror neurons in my brain are constantly making me feel feelings of self-loathing; Therefore, I love that I can love myself through you, and I also love that I hate you for my “need” to depend on you or anyone for anything.
I love that you are there to take the blame whenever I feel that “need”; Feeling contempt for you seems to protect me from something I hate to admit, which is that I feel completely dependent on you to ‘nourish’ my sense of superiority and entitlement and to keep my illusion of power alive in my mind.
(Nothing makes me feel weaker and weaker than not being in control of something that would tarnish my image and my superior state, like when you ask “how” do I treat you as if you still don’t understand that it pushes you to accept yourself as a pleasure, a happy thing no matter what How I treat you or children – is the main proof of my superiority over the world.
You belong to me, remember? My job is to teach you to hate and be mean to those “crazy” things that only “weak” people need, like “closeness” and “sentimental stuff”; And by the way, I know this “works” because my childhood taught me to do it myself inside.)
It makes me feel so happy (more proof of my superiority) that I can easily make you feel confused, make you act “crazy” for not getting what you want from me, make you repeat yourself, and say and do the things you want. You will hate yourself later (for your “kindness”!).
Whatever you say, any hurts or complaints you share, you can be sure, I’m going to make fun of you later, for keeping you always spinning your wheels, always trying to explain yourself, doubting yourself and getting confused, trying to figure out why I didn’t get it.
(There’s nothing you get! To break the code, you have to look through my
“I love you” means that I love to fix and shape your thoughts and beliefs, to be in control of your mind so that you think I am your miracle and savior, the source of life and the power you depend on and bounce from. . to, like gravity, no matter how far you try to fly or jump.
I love that it makes me feel like a god, that I make you centered (obsessed…) and feel worshiped and worshipped, that I sacrifice everything to prove myself till I condemn you, that I seek to please all, and by nature, with sole rights to administer rewards and punishments as I please.
I love how I can use my power to keep you down, question yourself, question yourself, question your own sanity, bother explaining yourself to me (and others), declare your loyalty, and wonder what’s wrong with you (instead of realizing that…you can’t make someone up) happy” by extracting his sense of power and pleasure from feeling snubbed by others…and you!).
“I love you” means I love the way I feel when I see myself through the eyes of your fan, you are a good dope, my loyal fan, my biggest fan, etc.
You, and in particular, look upon me, no doubt, as the omnipotent and never-false, all-knowing source of knowledge, my favorite medicine. (You may have noticed how sensitive I am to any signs of being questioned; yes, I hate how fragile I am at any sign of my thinking that you, or the world, could judge me for my failure to keep my possessions in line.)
And I like that, no matter how hard I beg and beg for my love and admiration, to feel appreciated in return, it won’t happen, as long as I’m in control. Why should I give it up, being so addicted to the pleasure of depriving you of all that the wind may have under your wings, at the risk that you will fly away from me?
It is my greatest pleasure not to give you what you crave, the tenderness you need and want, to burst every dream and every bubble, and then tell myself, ‘I’m no fool.'”
I love being able to control your attempts to reach me, by controlling your mind, in particular, by shifting the focus of any “discussion” to what’s wrong with you, your failure to appreciate me and make me feel loved, good enough – and of course, I remind you of everything I have done for you, how ungrateful you are.
I love how I subtly manipulate other people’s opinions of you, make them take my side as a “good” person, take your side as a “bad” person, see you as needy, dissatisfied, always complaining, selfish, controlling and the like.
I love how easy it is to say “No!” To what might give you a sense of worth and importance to me, with endless excuses, that I would instead keep you focused on my needs and want my annoyance or my pain.
I love feeling like I own your thoughts, your aspirations, and making sure your wants and needs are just focused on not bothering me, keeping me happy.
I love being your drug of choice, no matter how I mistreat you, despite all the signs that your addiction to me is draining energy from your life, and that you’re at risk of losing more and more of what you most value, and hold dear, to include the people you love, and those you love. They love and support you.
I like to be able to isolate you from others who might feed you, break the spell, and I like to make you distrust them until you conclude that no one really wants to put up with you, but me.
I love that I can make you feel like I’m doing you a favor by being with you and throwing crumbs your way. Like a void, the emptiness within me constantly needs to suck out the life, breath, and vitality you bring into my life, which I crave like a drug can never be satisfied, which I fight to hoard, and hate the thought of sharing.
While I hate you and my addiction to your attention, my need makes me long to see myself through your nurturing eyes, always ready to admire and adore and forgive and make excuses and fall into my lies and traps.
I like you to constantly tell me how much I hurt you, without knowing it. To me, this is like a free marketing report, letting me know how effective my tactics are at keeping you in pain, and focus on relieving my pain – so that I can be the absolute winner in this contest – To ensure that you do not weaken (control) me with things of love and emotional closeness.
In short, when I say “I love you,” I love the strength to remain a mystery you will never solve because of what you don’t know (and refuse to believe), which is: the only person who can win a zero-sum game is the one who knows “the rules.” .
My sense of strength rests on ensuring that you will never succeed in persuading me to join you in creating a relationship of the mutual kind, because in my worldview, being vulnerable, emotionally expressive, kind, caring, empathetic, or innocent are signs of weakness, evidence of inferiority. .
Thanks, but no thanks, I’m determined to stay on the winner-takes-all ground, always vying for the prize, gloating at my narcissistic ability to be heartless, callous, cold, calculating…and proud, to ensure I need to feel superior not hinder.
limit love forever,
Note: I really, really need help – but you can’t do this work for me (not without making things worse for both of us!). Remember, we are addicted to each other, so we would never go to an addict for help, right?
Only a therapist, who has experience with this, has a chance, and even then, only if you choose to really, really, really let him/her! (This is because I must face my greatest fears that not only am I not superior to all, and therefore have no right to make and break rules as I please, but that I also have to own–that my actions and thoughts, and beliefs about myself and others–are the primary cause of suffering in my life.. .. and change it, the solution. I could never do this for a single reason, from my worldview, only the weak-minded and the weak do such things!)