The need for constant recognition, admiration, and superiority are the things that make a person a narcissist. But when their beliefs are threatened, they experience a sense of narcissistic breakdown. Fear of public humiliation can lead them to stop working.
Learn more about narcissistic collapsing behavior.
the main points
Narcissists can suffer a narcissistic breakdown when they are faced with a situation that leads to public humiliation and failure.
During a narcissistic breakdown, the narcissistic defenses that keep them confident no longer work.
In a narcissistic breakdown, they feel very anxious, depressed, and ashamed and may be unable to continue functioning.
Many people picture narcissists as being very sure of themselves and never suffering from self-doubt. The reality is completely different. People with narcissistic personality disorder experience unstable self-esteem, underlying shame, and worthlessness. They rely on other people to give them the external validation they need to feel confident and special.
As a result of their dependence on external validation and their value over their public image, narcissists can experience a debilitating narcissistic breakdown when they anticipate a humiliating public failure.
Anxiety associated with the idea of being flawed can interfere with mustering enough defensive grandiosity to support their self-esteem. Without the support of their greatness, they can sink into a shame-based depression in which they fear the future and are no longer able to function in the present.
In extreme cases, narcissists may even attempt suicide because they view death as less terrible than exposing it publicly as an inadequate fake.
Note: I am using the terms narcissist, narcissist, and NPD in this article as an acronym to describe someone who qualifies for a full diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.
God’s defense of exhibitionist narcissists
If we look at the exceptionally common subtype of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) that most people think of when they hear the term narcissist, it’s fairly easy to see that they use a simple three-part defense to create a facade of their extreme self. trust. I call this “God’s Defense”.
G- Greatness:
They act as if they are privileged and entitled to do or say whatever they want. Grandiose’s motto: “I am special.”
O – able:
They make all kinds of unrealistic claims about how powerful and knowledgeable they are. The almighty motto: “I can do anything, and I know everything worth knowing.”
D- Depreciation:
They feel free to attack and devalue anyone who is not clearly above them in the hierarchy of their status. The devaluation motto: “You’re worthless, flawed trash, and you’re here to serve me.”
Show-off narcissists act as if they are special, make exaggerated claims about what they know and can do, and devalue others. As long as their defense of God works well, they feel good.
What is a narcissistic breakdown?
I’ve seen a few media to high functioning clients with narcissistic personality disorder who enter psychotherapy have a meltdown because they can no longer keep pretending to be special. The breakdown meant that they were too anxious and depressed to continue functioning at work or home.
These clients were high achievers at work, and on the surface, their lives seemed completely enviable. Now, something had changed, they could no longer maintain their defensive greatness, and thought they were in danger of being exposed publicly as fake and a failure – or indeed they were.
Signs of a narcissistic breakdown through examples
Below are some examples with details that have been changed to protect these customers.
Example – unique and exam
Fred, a showmanship narcissist, has risen through the ranks at his company. Over the years, as he gained power, he became more and more open.
When the company was sold, and a new owner took over, Fred wasn’t too impressed with what he had accomplished. Changes were implemented, and one of those changes was that additional training was required of all managers. As part of this training, they were to take a new state licensing exam that would qualify them for new responsibilities.
Unfortunately, Fred was never a good student, and passing exams was very difficult for him. As more and more members of the department passed the exam, Fred felt increasingly frightened. He had lost all faith that he would pass and imagined how everyone in the department would laugh at him when they learned he had failed.
Fred felt trapped. He knew he wasn’t making progress in studying, but he was too embarrassed to admit it and ask for help. And he knew that if he took the exam and failed, he would be publicly humiliated in front of his classmates.
Fred collapsed and could no longer function at work. At home, he drank a lot and quarreled with his family over trivial matters. In the end, he made a serious suicide attempt.
Fortunately, he was found in time, rushed to the hospital, and survived. He spent a month in a private mental hospital, had excellent treatment, and I saw him for treatment after he was discharged.
Fred gradually regained his sense of proportion and some of his self-confidence. He came to terms with his limitations and found a new job at a different company that didn’t require him to pass any exams.
Example – Carol and her boss
An attractive woman with wardrobe narcissistic personality disorder, Carol was a senior saleswoman at her company. Her boss thought she was amazing, and her self-confidence skyrocketed with every compliment he gave her. Pleasing her boss was the narcissist’s main source of supply.
When her boss leaves to take a job at another company, Carol completely loses her confidence because she no longer needs him to validate her. She has convinced herself that she will fail without her old boss backing her up, and everyone will see her fail.
All of this made Carol so anxious that she took time off from work. When she came in for her first therapy session with me, she was trembling with anxiety, her confidence was in pieces.
The good news was that Carol was a good candidate for psychotherapy. Within a few months, she had calmed down enough to face her fears and get back to work. The last I heard was that she had developed a good relationship with her new boss, and Carol was working hard to hear him praise her.
Example – William the Conqueror
William was a strikingly good-looking man, a natural athlete, who had gone to all the right schools. He married well, had kids, and seemed to have a perfect life.
But unlike Fred and Carol, William did the bare minimum and cut corners where he could. He also repeatedly cheated on his wife and his marriage was in jeopardy.
William was so arrogant and his sense of entitlement so great that he was shocked when his utter selfishness, laziness, and disregard for other people’s feelings finally caught up to him. His company failed, his wife caught him cheating and asked for a divorce, and his so-called friends dumped him.
By the time he entered therapy, he was deeply depressed. He suffered a complete breakdown and could no longer function at all. He sank into a shame-filled pit of self-loathing. He hardly left his home.
Despite his struggles, William was still looking for an easy way out of his dilemma. His failures taught him nothing. He continued the same pattern in therapy that ruined his life: cutting corners, not taking his therapy seriously, and wasting most of his sessions on self-pity.
