Narcissistic control extends to finances and creates monetary hierarchies. Narcissistic financial abuse is another way for narcissists to further torture and control their victims. There are many ways narcissists use the money to control their victims. Most of the time, their victims don’t even realize they are being financially abused until it’s too late.

the main points:

Narcissists tend to focus on external motivations, such as money and rewards, rather than personal growth and fulfillment.
Because money and material wealth are so important to narcissists, they often become a focal point in their relationships—sometimes leading to financial abuse.
Some forms of financial abuse, such as lying about wages or hours, can be covert or difficult to detect; Others (such as controlling partner spending) are more straightforward.
Anyone who has been a victim of financial abuse should seek help immediately.
It can be said that it is money – not love – that makes the world go round. Money is what keeps us clothed and fed, a roof over our heads, and gas in our cars. It lets us go on vacations and sip coffee while shopping for both essentials and tinkerers. Money can also be a major source of stress when bills come due, the furnace breaks down, or we lose a steady paycheck.

Modern capitalist culture enforces the power of the mighty dollar by equating the good with the rich and prosperous (Werner, Smyth, & Milyavskaya, 2019). For narcissists, this flourishing is not only a non-negotiable but another way to dominate and excel in a relationship.

Related: 5 Things That Someone Who Is Gaslighting You Will Say

Money as a motive

Money is an example of an external or extrinsic objective and motivator. Whereas non-narcissistic people aim to find meaning and personal fulfillment in a well-paid job, narcissists lack this inner drive. Keep in mind that with a narcissist, wealth and prosperity are often exaggerated – just like the ego.

Obsessing about money or other external goals — like a higher job title at work, a better car, or a bigger house — isn’t always a good thing. Studies have shown that preoccupation with external goals can be detrimental to physical and mental health (Werner et al, 2019). It’s completely normal to want to upgrade your phone or work towards a promotion, but there should also be an inner desire for personal growth and improvement.

For example, a non-narcissistic, non-toxic person may seek additional opportunities to improve their chances of promotion and increase their knowledge. They have intrinsic motivations that drive them toward their goals – perhaps a natural curiosity, enjoyment of a sport or a subject of study, or spending time with someone for their friendship.

However, the narcissist will enroll in a program to impress others, join a team rigorously to win a prize, or befriend someone to increase their chances of gaining popularity or favor.

The more a person invests in internal goals and motivations, the lower their penchant for negative and destructive behaviors (Werner et al, 2019). The focus becomes on growth, expansion, and positivity.

Too much focus on external motives and goals will increase a person’s bad behavior: cheating on company records or licensing exams, engaging in drug and alcohol abuse, or getting involved in affairs and neglecting family.

The narcissist’s inflated and undeserved ego leads them to believe that they are worth more than they are and that they deserve the affair, the higher pay, and the better exam grade. There is a positive relationship between narcissists and their dependence on extrinsic goals and motivations (Werner et al, 2019).

Narcissists and those with similar toxic traits are naturally attracted to empathetic people with low or no boundaries. These non-sublime individuals are the same people who rely on inner motivations to reach their goals.

Money may be important to them, but it is not the end goal. These people focus on self-fulfillment, family, honesty, and fairness…and unfortunately find themselves in relationships with narcissists.

Narcissistic financial abuse: Forms of financial abuse

Financial abuse can take many forms. It can affect possessions, assets, personal possessions, bank accounts, investments, work locations, and even education and housing needs. The simplest form of financial abuse is control over paychecks or the amount offered.

Ava recalls how, during their 10-year marriage, her husband would hide bills and receipts and even lie about overtime and salaries. “He would claim he was working extra shifts, but the payroll never reflected that. He would then say the payroll department screwed up, but that would be the end of it.”

When she was dating her ex-partner, Izzy recalls, she was forced to deposit her entire salary into a joint account, but then was unable to make any withdrawals. “I couldn’t drive due to medical issues, so when I needed a lift, he would charge me.” Not only was Izzy dependent on her boyfriend for transportation, but her financial freedom was also under her control.

Narcissists also have no suspicions or remorse for destroying someone else’s property. Destroying personal things makes the narcissist feel powerful. They have no qualms about throwing away irreplaceable childhood mementos, photos, and albums, or causing hundreds of dollars to repair a laptop that was smashed in a fit of jealousy. The narcissist will never offer to pay for or replace what they have destroyed and instead tries to embarrass you into acting as they did.

Another way to practice financial abuse is by refusing to contribute to shared expenses, repairs, or utilities. The burden of paying the mortgage or rent, coming up with the money to replace a hole in the kitchen floor, or even financing a family vacation will fall on only one partner in the relationship: the non-narcissist.

This narcissist is also more likely to have a secret bank account and shame the other partner for their spending habits. A more covert way of being financially abused is not allowing her to flourish professionally or academically. Talking to a partner outside of an upgrade or degree program is a selfish, controlling move and ensures that the narcissist remains in control.

Related: 10 Signs of A Trauma Bond Relationship

Narcissists and material wealth

Narcissists are overly preoccupied with material possessions and wealth. It’s about the presentation, not about substance. Narcissists will feel the need to show off their possessions and apparent wealth and use these things to win people over.

They may brag about their paychecks, titles (“I make $50 an hour and I’m in charge, I’m not as important as I am!”), cars or houses (“My house is bigger and my car is cleaner than yours!”) but then refuse to pay half the bill or expect monetary compensation in return. service.

Narcissists have also been known to lie or hide their bank statements in legal situations to get more money in alimony or child support. People become pawns – even lawyers and judges – and child support becomes more about destroying the ex-partner financially than caring for the children of the relationship.

Other people—even those they claim to love—might just become dollar tokens. Many narcissists are unable to establish genuine relationships with others. Friends, lovers, children, and even parents are just a means to an end. What the narcissist can get from another person is the ultimate goal of the relationship.