Relationships can be complicated (trust me, I’ve had my fair share of experience).
Don’t get me wrong.
I understand that you can’t always agree and move on perfectly.
This is not realistic.
But even though a fight is inevitable, it’s important to be aware of whether your partner is up to something more cynical.
In other words, if they are trying to control and manipulate you.
Related : 12 signs that you’re finally healing from a toxic relationship (even if you don’t know it yet)
It’s highly toxic and it simply isn’t.
How can you spot this controlling behavior? Well, there is a specific language you can search for.
How many of these eight phrases do you know?
1) “I don’t need anyone else, you’re with me.”
On the face of it, hearing this from your partner seems like a positive thing.
But be careful!
If they constantly badmouth your friends and family or suggest you move away together, they may be trying to isolate you.
Because this ultimately helps them control you.
After all, you’ll be more vulnerable if you don’t have the support of other people in your life (and they know it).
They are basically trying to make you more dependent on them.
2) “It wasn’t like that.”
Let me add some context to this one.
Imagine that your partner stayed out late without any explanation.
When you confront them about this, they ignore your feelings and deny any wrongdoing. How do you detect gaslighting?
Ask yourself this question, does your partner at least acknowledge your concerns?
Here’s the need.
Even if it’s completely harmless (and can be resolved with better communication), it’s a fact that you feel the way you do, and it needs to be addressed, not just ignored.
3) “You always prioritize others more than me.”
This is an example of guilt.
Let me explain.
If you’re like me, you’ll care deeply about your partner (you love them, after all).
So when they criticize you in this way, it can seem very harsh.
You will instinctively feel guilty and want to fix the situation. This puts you in a submissive position and (you guessed it) makes it easier for them to control you.
Ultimately, they try to get you to do what they want.
That should be a big red flag!
Some other examples of guilt include: “I sacrificed a lot for you, and this is how you repay me?” “I thought I could count on you, but I guess I was wrong.”
They’ll probably say something like, “You’re making things up.” Or “You’re paranoid.”
This is a form of gaslighting.
It can lead you to question your perception of events and make you feel like you are wrong.
It’s a particularly effective manipulation tactic because it can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and helpless.
4) “You are the most amazing person I have ever met.”
Wait a minute!
You might be thinking that this doesn’t sound so bad.
Okay, listen to me.
While this phrase (when used in isolation) can be completely true, it could also be an attempt to love bomb you.
It’s all about context.
If you’ve only been together for three weeks and they’re already declaring their undying love for you (like, every day), maybe hold back for a moment.
Keep in mind that they may be telling you exactly what you want to hear.
Why?
To manipulate and control you!
Love bombing occurs when your partner shows excessive interest and affection to make you feel connected to him or her.
It’s more of an attitude than just a single statement, but beware of overly dramatic language like: “I’ve never felt this way,” “You complete me,” and “I’ve never met anyone as perfect as you.” . You are my soulmate.”
5) “If you don’t do what I say, I’ll leave.”
This one is a little less accurate!
But threats and ultimatums are an effective form of control.
Here’s the need.
Your partner is essentially forcing you to imagine the worst-case scenario (the end of the relationship). This creates fear, which acts as a powerful motivator.
If you care about them, the last thing you want is for them to leave. So you’ll probably do what they want.
Of course, they are well aware of this.
Related : 9 phrases covert narcissists use to subtly manipulate you
Threats are a particularly vicious form of manipulation because they promote fear and panic.
If your partner gives you an ultimatum, you should question whether you really want to be with someone who is happy to instill fear in you to get what they want.
6) “You can’t do anything right without my help.”
Strong, independent people are difficult to control and manipulate.
This phrase tries to undermine your self-confidence and break you down to make you more vulnerable.
Again, this probably won’t have much of an impact on your self-esteem.
But continued use over time may slowly crush you until you become more dependent on your partner.
It is important to recognize and confront this behavior early in your relationship.
7) “I need to know where you are at all times.”
The need for control may sometimes be driven by your partner’s insecurities.
In this example, they are seeking to monitor your physical location.
This may be because they don’t trust you, or they have been hurt in the past.
But you have the right to your privacy and being monitored in this way will not end well. It gives them power in the relationship, making it seem one-sided.
Instead, they need to deal with their fears, because, quite simply, it’s not fair for them to not trust you (if you haven’t done anything wrong). You will only grow to resent them over time.
8) “Nothing I do is good enough.”
Finally, this statement is an example of playing the victim.
If your partner is constantly saying things like this, he or she is probably trying to get sympathy, avoid taking responsibility for his actions, and ultimately control you.
This emotional manipulation is designed to make them appear helpless or treated unfairly.
If you find your partner constantly playing the victim (or displaying any of the other behaviors on this list), you should have a direct and frank conversation.
Share your concerns and tell them you feel manipulated. In some cases, you may suggest they seek professional help.
