The narcissist is the true test of your spiritual practice. Your desires may consume you, and excessive identification with the narcissist can lead to your downfall. Like a frog in slowly boiling water, you won’t even realize what’s happening.
Grandiosity isn’t exclusive to narcissists. We all harbor grand visions of a better, brighter future. Life strives for progress, and grandeur is the fuel that propels us. We imagine the perfect relationship, the perfect home, prosperity, connection, and everything that makes life worth living.
We also tend to exaggerate things. The classic example is the child who sees their parents as absolute authority, brimming with infinite power and wisdom. They see them as endlessly loving and supportive; the perfect embodiment of humanity.
This perception gradually fades in a healthy individual. The truth gradually emerges as the developing child realizes that their parents have limitations, wounds, and flaws. Their parents weren’t perfect.
This also applies to the wider world. Our sense of wonder at the beginning of our lives gradually fades as we begin to perceive the ugliness of things. We face bullying, mental illness, and homelessness. Some people gradually awaken from their bliss, while others are abruptly stripped of it by a painful experience or a harsh childhood.
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Yet, we cling to our hope and our belief that things will get better. We believe that beauty awaits us despite everything. This is natural and expected. Life is beautiful, and we can learn to see the beauty in it.
Our mistake lies in placing our hopes and faith in the narcissist, believing that everyone strives for love and justice, that there is a perfect person, flawless in essence and appearance, boundlessly curious about us, loving us without limits, and who would never harm us. This shared fantasy is a product of our cooperation. The narcissist does their utmost to cultivate this image, and we do our utmost to help them. The most important question a victim of narcissism might ask is: Why? Why did the narcissist help us create this fantasy? This is where the journey to recovery begins.
Among the few positive outcomes of narcissistic abuse is that it brings us closer to falling from the Garden of Eden. We glimpse hell and are shocked by what we see. There is so much more lurking behind the mask of beauty: power, hatred, anger, shame, control, manipulation, pain, and sorrow. Why did we think these things would never affect us? Why did we think this person was the one meant? Because we hadn’t yet awakened. We worshiped what we hadn’t yet awakened to.
What is the truth? That only God is worthy of worship. Those who have no connection to or do not believe in any deity are more likely to replace God with a narcissist. This is where our spiritual practice must begin.
Abandon your urge to worship others. Look within yourself and seek the truth. Welcome the beauty in your life, but always be aware of its ugliness. Be prepared for it to visit you. And when it comes, be prepared to face it. The narcissist is cunning. Be that cunning one. Worship only the truth, and never the narcissist.
