1, 2, 3, 4 – Here are the steps:
- Seduction
To achieve narcissistic gratification, the narcissist creates a suitable environment for their victim to enter. This environment is often a social group, such as a company, a spiritual movement, a circle of friends, or even family.
This environment may be psychological, where the narcissist verbally addresses you to assess your willingness to cross your boundaries and enter their world.
It may also be emotional, where the narcissist might try to entice you.
In both cases, the narcissist needs you in their “territory.”
- Charming
The narcissist has your time and attention. Now, they need your investment in yourself. To soften you up, they will shower you with attention, care, and praise.
At the same time, they assess your needs and provide them unconditionally. The first stage is smooth, dreamlike, a fantasy world full of possibilities. This stage is designed to make you feel safe, loved, and, above all, special. Over time, you let your guard down, become attached to the narcissist, and immerse yourself in their world.
- Relationship Consolidation
Over time, the narcissist will feel increasingly controlled. When they realize you’ve given in enough, they’ll test how much they can exploit your loyalty and how much support they can drain from you. If you resist, they’ll shame you, ridicule you, question you, judge you, withdraw their love, or ignore you completely.
Related : Why It Took So Long To See Your Mother’s Narcissism
You’ll feel a drastic shift in your energy, and it will shake you to your core. But by now, you’re too deeply entangled. You’re attached, and breaking free will be painful. Instead, you redouble your efforts to find ways to please the narcissist.
- Evolution
The deeper you delve into the narcissist’s world, the weaker your will becomes. This process can last for years, even a lifetime.
Many reach a breaking point. They may not be ready to leave, but they find themselves unable to endure the treatment any longer.
The narcissist senses you’ve reached this point and promises to change, altering their behavior. Seeing the effect of your resistance, you invest in them again, filled with hope. But the narcissist quickly reverts to their old ways, draining you of all your narcissistic gratification, and the cycle begins anew.
As the relationship drains you, resentment may build up, or you may feel an inner emptiness. In the case of resentment, you become fiercely resistant and constantly angry, which eventually drives the narcissist away because it’s difficult to obtain narcissistic gratification from them. If your heart is broken, your inner depletion means the narcissist’s supply line is cut off, and they are likely to leave as well. Even the most powerful narcissists can become completely drained over many years.
Regardless of the method, most relationships with narcissists end in separation, leaving you feeling abandoned, angry, and heartbroken, and requiring a long road to recovery.
