For the narcissist, control is the name of the game.
This is especially true in romantic relationships, where they feel entitled to ownership of the other person.
Hence, they will not hesitate to use all tricks, no matter how dirty, to control their partner emotionally, mentally, and in extreme cases, physically.
In this article, I’ll walk you through the distinct ways narcissists try to control their partners.
If you suspect that you are dating a narcissist, I hope the contents of this article provide you with clarity and inspiration to move forward.
Let’s dive in!
1) They will highlight you
Here’s the thing: when you’re with a narcissist, you always have to be on your toes.
Show your weakness and like a predator smelling blood, they will manipulate your emotions and use them to their advantage.
This is when the gaslighting comes on.
Gaslighting occurs when a narcissist makes their partner question their memory, perception, and ultimately their sanity.
They may completely deny saying or doing something (even though they know full well they did).
Their tone is often very stubborn and persuasive, ultimately making us doubt and question our complete recollection of things.
This is a particularly effective strategy for an easily influenced partner, in which case extra precautions should be taken.
2) They are love bombers
A narcissist can be more two-faced than a Batman villain (you know, that guy Harvey Dent).
For example, at the beginning of a relationship, they are the picture of perfection.
You may feel like you’ve bagged the proverbial jackpot.
They start things off by smothering you with praise, extra attention, gifts, romantic gestures, etc.
However, there will inevitably come a point when this stormy behavior fades, leaving you with a deep feeling of confusion and despair. You will strive endlessly to regain your ex’s affection, making you more vulnerable to their controlling ways.
3) They will try to isolate you
Do you know what a cult leader and a narcissistic partner have in common?
Well, among other things, narcissists often try to isolate their partners from family and friends, and distort facts so that their loved ones appear as toxic influences.
This is a subtle form of brainwashing, the ultimate goal of which is control.
Think about it: If you don’t have close friends or family present in your life, there will only be minimal forces to convince you to step out of their control – perhaps their worst nightmare.
4) They will underestimate your value
When the honeymoon period is over, the narcissist may begin to gradually insult or belittle their partner.
This belittlement often comes in the form of subtle criticism about your appearance or your general competence as a living, breathing human being.
They want to erode your self-worth; Because when you feel worthless, you won’t feel able to break away.
Related : If someone displays these 17 behaviors, they’re playing mind games with you
At that point, you’ll have you exactly where they want you: in the palm of their hand.
This is not sustainable – eventually, you will have to muster the strength and courage to make the move.
5) They will use triangulation
As a way to create tension, insecurity, and general disharmony, the narcissist may bring a third person into the mix, such as an ex-partner or a new “friend.”
They don’t want you to feel too comfortable, because when you are secure in a relationship, you feel confident.
Independence and individuality are concepts that are like kryptonite for the narcissistic partner because they make control significantly more difficult.
In my early twenties, I dated a girl from work.
I made it clear from the beginning that I wanted to take things one step at a time.
Although she agreed to the arrangement, she would often gossip about her ex, talking about missing him, his jokes, and even his bedroom habits.
This of course bothered me. This wasn’t exactly normal speech, especially with a potential romantic partner.
Whatever her ultimate goal was with these statements, I’m still not entirely sure.
I think it was to control me until I settled down.
Regardless, after a few months, we ended things for good. I have no regrets.
6) They will withhold things from you
This one is pretty blatant.
Like a strict parent with authoritarian tendencies, a narcissist will reward you for good behavior and punish you when you are not completely obedient.
Perhaps they will withhold things like money, affection, sex, or any other resource that you may value or long for.
Eventually, unconsciously or not, you’ll get the message: You must adhere to their standards or face dire consequences.
7) They will play the victim
Real talk: Playing the victim is one of the oldest tricks in the narcissists’ book.
They have an uncanny knack for twisting the narrative.
They may push your buttons relentlessly, but the moment you react, they will take on the role of the miserable abused victim, shedding crocodile tears and all, begging for sympathy and then using your guilt against you.
By distorting reality, they effectively use your emotions to further their controlling agenda.
If you feel like something is wrong, trust your gut.
You cannot let them get away with their scheming ways any longer, as the damage may be irreparable.
My ex used to harass me a lot.
Her jabs would be so subtle and so deeply ingrained in mundane conversation, I’d barely notice them.
Sometimes though, it bothered me enough to say something.
She was acting like she was completely innocent and without doing anything wrong, calling me “overly sensitive.”
It was compelling enough that I bought the act for a while.
In fact, I was often the one who ended up apologizing. And using my good feelings against me, I became controlling again.
Fortunately, she finally realized her ways and put an end to things. It will never happen again!
8) They will be watching you
Like Big Brother from 1984, your narcissistic partner aims to monitor you regularly.
They want to know where you are, who you are with, and what time you will be home at all times.
They want regular updates and may ask to read your messages or browse your phone.
Like a true tyrant, in their eyes you are their subject; Your rights to independence, sovereignty and privacy are almost non-existent.
Adhering to their stifling rules is no way to live. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to rock the boat.
Related : 7 types of people you need to leave behind (for your own good)
To keep on topic, I will end this section with a relevant quote from the famous George Orwell novel mentioned above: “The two aims of the Party are to seize the entire surface of the earth and to extinguish the possibility of independence once and for all.” belief.”
Tosh, George.
finalthoughts
If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, you are definitely not alone.
Attachment is complicated and intoxicating, especially when it involves a manipulative narcissist.
Their grip on you may be so tight, the idea of leaving may seem impossible, so don’t even try.
