A tendency toward grandiosity and a need for admiration are traits that may contribute to infidelity patterns in relationships.
Narcissism is a personality trait and the core characteristic of a mental disorder known as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
The term “narcissist” is typically used to describe individuals who meet the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder or who exhibit a high level of narcissistic traits on the personality spectrum.
Narcissism, often described as “self-contentedness,” is not simply an inflated ego. Living with narcissistic personality disorder also involves a craving for admiration and praise, a need for immediate gratification, and a lack of empathy.
Not everyone with narcissistic personality disorder cheats on their partner, but the core traits that constitute narcissism may inherently encourage infidelity.
How do narcissistic infidelity patterns differ from traditional infidelity?
Infidelity can occur in any relationship for a variety of reasons. Narcissistic infidelity patterns differ from traditional infidelity because they are linked to the distinctive characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder.
Dolly Ferraro, a licensed clinical social worker in Safety Harbor, Florida, explains that a person exhibiting narcissistic infidelity behavior typically displays the following:
Lack of remorse or guilt
Manipulative tactics
Persistent deception and betrayal
An exploitative view of the partner
Justifications that serve their own self-interest
When infidelity occurs, these traits manifest in specific patterns of narcissistic infidelity.
- Frequent Infidelity
Personality disorders are characterized by a profound weakness in interpersonal relationships. In narcissistic personality disorder, a lack of empathy and a focus on self-interest can lead to rapid partner switching.
People with narcissistic personality disorder behaviors may find that the attraction to a new partner fades quickly, leading to boredom. The need for excitement and a lack of commitment can also drive them to seek out someone else.
- Harem Formation
In addition to frequent infidelity, narcissistic infidelity in narcissistic personality disorder may involve having multiple partners simultaneously.
Ravioli suggests this is a way to keep options open. A harem ensures a constant source of praise and admiration, and it’s a way to gather partners who may each add something that satisfies their ego in some way.
- Storytelling
Tricia Chandler, a psychotherapist specializing in rapid conversion therapy in South field, Michigan, says that extravagant stories about sexual relationships may be part of the pattern of infidelity in narcissists.
Related : How to Tell a Narcissist by Their Writing
She adds, “These stories are often entirely fabricated, intended to prove their worth to the partner, to hurt the partner, or sometimes to test the partner’s reaction in case they actually cheat.”
- Prolonged Distances
A change in the duration of distances can be a warning sign of both narcissistic and traditional infidelity.
Chandler points out that increased distances might come in the form of commitments like business trips, or they might result from suddenly developing new hobbies or friendships. All of this happens without involving the primary partner.
People with narcissistic cheating behaviors might express how much they enjoy these new activities and new people—especially potential new partners—as a way to make their current partner jealous and inflate their own self-esteem.
- Justifying Infidelity
“Narcissists tend to justify their infidelity by attributing it to external factors, such as feeling dissatisfied or deserving more attention and admiration,” says Veracious.
This can also manifest as blaming the other partner with statements like, “I wouldn’t have done this if you hadn’t done that.”
- Protecting Social Media Accounts
A common warning sign of infidelity is excessive protection of social media accounts and personal devices.
But in the case of narcissism, spying on your partner can quickly backfire, says Chandler.
“Because the narcissist is cheating, they can’t trust their partner, even if they are the one cheating.”
This might manifest as demanding full access to passwords and accounts, and refusing to comply is met with harsh reactions or punishment.
- Increasing Harshness
Chandler notes that increasing harshness can be a pattern of infidelity in narcissists.
The partner is not seen as an equal to the narcissist who is unfaithful. Rather, they may be viewed as a tool to fulfill the narcissist’s needs.
Once the partner stops fulfilling those needs, the narcissist loses their incentive to stay.
She explains, “Increased cruelty and abuse may indicate that the narcissist has found a new source of validation, and the negative behavior toward the partner serves as punishment for not being as perfect as they once were, or for not being as perfect as this new source.”
Dealing with Someone with Narcissistic Behavior
The emotional manipulation of a partner with narcissistic personality disorder can make it difficult to detect infidelity or know how to deal with it if it occurs.
You can protect your mental health from narcissistic infidelity by:
Learning to recognize the warning signs of infidelity in people with narcissistic personality disorder
Staying calm during conflicts to avoid giving in to your partner’s desire to make you jealous or assert dominance
Setting clear boundaries and communicating relationship expectations
Respecting your own boundaries
Taking care of yourself
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition. Even with treatment, it remains a chronic condition. Many people with this disorder don’t realize that their behaviors are harmful to others.
A relationship professional can help you determine if this relationship is worth saving.
In conclusion
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that causes significant dysfunction in interpersonal relationships. It is characterized by grandiosity, an inflated sense of self-importance, and a lack of empathy for the needs and feelings of others.
Not everyone with narcissistic personality traits cheats on their partner, but narcissism can increase the likelihood of infidelity.
Repeated infidelity, multiple partners, and increasing cruelty are all patterns of narcissistic infidelity to watch out for.
