Dating can be a totally fun phase when you’re with the right person. However, some relationships can be so difficult at times that you may not even understand what is going on. Eat This, Not That! Mind + Body reached out to Leanna Stockard, a licensed marriage and family therapist for LifeStance Health, who reveals the red flags that the person you’re dating is a narcissist. Since narcissists start out as all things lovey-dovey, the signs may leave you feeling a little overwhelmed and not knowing exactly what to do. So keep reading and pay close attention to these warning signs that you are dating a narcissist.
1 Narcissists start your relationship with love bombing.
Stockard reveals, “Narcissists often engage in love bombing at the beginning of a relationship.” A kind of manipulation, love bombing is how the narcissist expresses how much they want to spend time together. They will make you a priority and will surround you with lots of affection.
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Beware, when a narcissist feels as though he has captured you, your importance and affection begin to wane. Stockard warns, “If you notice that your partner isn’t what they were to begin with, and you’re constantly doing things to get that person back, you may be dating a narcissist.”
Related: What I Learned From Living With A Narcissist
They lack empathy for others.
It is very difficult for narcissists to empathize with others. Stockard explains, “Your partner may display this by not recognizing your needs or emotions in a situation, and their main concern remains their needs or emotions.”
They will always make themselves a top priority, believing that they matter more than anyone else and that they are, simply put, so special. They may experience poor relationships with other individuals unless the narcissist thinks of them as equally unique and important.
You always feel like you are being manipulated in your relationship.
If you always feel like you are being manipulated, this is another the signs that you are dating a narcissist. Narcissists commonly use a manipulative tactic known as gaslighting. This includes being manipulative in a particular situation with the intent of making you feel like you imagined something, and/or that your feelings and version of what happened are “crazy.”
Stockard says, “In addition to gaslighting, the partner who participates in the silent treatment also uses this as a manipulative tactic. Often, the silent treatment makes you feel as if you’ve done something wrong, and need to work toward something or take responsibility, just to get them to talk.” to you again.” She adds, “Narcissists take no responsibility for what they did, won’t apologize, and can often use defense mechanisms to blame you, criticize you, and make you feel less than worthy.”
It is necessary to be mindful of manipulation, as it sometimes occurs gradually over time. The way you handle it may also vary. Stockard explains, “For this reason, I continually recommend taking the time to assess how often these manipulation tactics occur, and how the relationship dynamic affects you overall.”
If you feel like you are not good enough, you may have a narcissist on your hands.
“I’m not good enough” is a very common phrase Stockard hears and one of the signs you’re dating a narcissist. She tells us, “The narcissist’s goal is to feel adored by the people close to him. If you constantly feel like you’re not good enough in the relationship, or you feel like you can’t do anything right, or if you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, You may be dating a narcissist.”
Narcissists are always seeking admiration.
Does your partner always direct a conversation to be all about them? Stockard tells us that narcissists are constantly trying to be overwhelmed with emotion, to be the center of admiration, and for everyone to see their “greatness.”
Insecurity and low self-esteem are characteristic of a narcissistic person.
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You may wonder what is going on in the narcissist’s mind that causes them to act this way. Well, one of the other signs you’re dating a narcissist has to deal with their insecurities. “Often a narcissist’s behavior stems from insecurity or poor self-esteem,” Stockard explains, adding, “Because of this feeling, they are selfish and constantly looking for admiration. This self-focus leads to manipulative tactics to avoid blame. They will engage in things that only benefit them, And they will do so at the expense of others.”
Understand the narcissist’s behavior and learn how to say no to it.
Others who are narcissistic will likely know that they are a narcissist and may want to learn more about themselves and inculcate changes in their behavior. If so, adjustments are possible that can lead to a successful positive relationship.
“If this is the case in your relationship, it is very important to set boundaries with your narcissistic partner,” Stockard tells us, adding, “I recommend being part of their process by understanding their narcissistic behavior, learning to say ‘no’ to them, letting them know your expectations from the relationship, and explaining What you are and what you are willing to put up with.”
However, if your significant other continues with the same old behaviors, Stockard recommends remaining calm but firm and addressing his or her behavior with them. The narcissist’s expectations may be that you will lose your cool and scream, giving them the perfect opportunity to blame you to confront them. This is why your presentation and approach are so important.
Stockard adds, “I also encourage partners who are dating a narcissist to take care of themselves and not put your entire focus on your partner; engage in your hobbies, rely on your friends, and take care of your feelings. You matter in this relationship, and it’s important to understand that the work your narcissistic partner will be doing is on themselves.” It will be a consistent process.” You will need to be patient, as it can be quite a stressful process. As Stockard suggests, be mindful throughout the process and acknowledge how much it’s affecting you.
If your partner’s behavior is abusive or you feel like you’ve lost yourself, end the relationship as soon as possible.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is hard, and the decision to leave them can be even more difficult. “The love and affection you received at the beginning of the relationship often keeps the person in the relationship,” Stockard points out, adding, “Partners of a narcissist sometimes feel that ‘if they do z or y or z differently afterward, their partner will go back to the person they were. it before.”
