When the time comes for you to finally confront the narcissist, you’ll feel a lot of emotions.
This empowerment isn’t easy, and what makes it even harder is that this is what the narcissist will take from you.
When you take it back and acknowledge it, there’s no going back.
As for the narcissist—well, there are things they’ll do in response.
I’ve laid them out for you here.
Prepare For A Hard Time
I never promise you a rosy morning in your narcissistic abuse recovery journey.
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I won’t lie—it’s hard to confront a narcissist. They’ve gotten used to you being at their beck and call.
You’ve gotten used to playing your part, slipping deeper and deeper into the deepest version of yourself.
The dynamics seem like they’ll never change, so what do you do?
My advice is to always do what feels right. Once you begin to uncover the truth about the narcissist behind everything they demand, there’s no going back. You can’t undo this awareness once your eyes begin to open.
Don’t Avoid Standing Up – That’s What They Want
Of course they want it!
They don’t want to hear your voice. They love your silence and thrive on it.
But by remaining silent, you feed their motivation, and that motivation is very dangerous.
Punishment
I’m going to tell you to prepare for anything, and as I do, I’m also extending a hand of compassion.
Punishment looks like this:
Anger. You’ll see the narcissist at their most furious.
Words will cut like a knife. The narcissist will act as cruelly, even viciously, as they can in the moment to seek revenge.
You’re also likely to lose those around you when the narcissist reveals a smear campaign designed to discredit you.
Punishment will immediately cast you as the lesser person, or the child in this dynamic, no matter how old you are.
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If you refuse to accept it and continue to stand up for yourself and speak up, you’ll avoid this trap.
Silence
Silence is the most disturbing way for a narcissist to get to you when you confront them.
They’ll act like you don’t matter to them, which really relates to the rest of your time with them, doesn’t it?
Strange Looks? Here’s why!
I want to be more specific now. Only then will you be able to empathize, or pay attention to what narcissists are really capable of when you confront them.
Smear Campaign
Smear Campaigns are a cold, calculated way for narcissists to isolate you and make everyone believe you’re a bad person.
You know you’re not, yet you see people running away from you like flies because of what they hear from the narcissist.
This person is crazy.
They clearly miss me and will say anything to get my attention.
I’ve always known something was wrong with them.
They’ve always told me the same things about you, too.
They seem to be trying to cause trouble.
I urge you to stay away from them for your own good.
I see this all the time with victims, and they spend a lot of time sleeping because of the changes that happen in their lives.
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It’s beyond their control. The narcissist will fight every ounce of reason in you, and it all starts when you start confronting them.
Lies
Lies are second nature to a narcissist. If there’s anything that can get them out of a difficult situation, they’ll use it to do so.
Lies can look like this:
Telling others that you’re the problem.
Trying to deny your reality by manipulating you.
Lying to your face about what they did or didn’t do.
Confronting them will reveal an ugly side of the narcissist that you’ve never seen before.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Blame Change
I don’t think I’ve ever met a narcissist who would throw up their hands and say, “You know what? I need to stop blaming people for my mistakes.”
I think many victims’ lives would be much easier if they could only have that kind of justification, but unfortunately, we’re not. We never will be as long as narcissists are—well—narcissists.
Have you ever been blamed for something that wasn’t really your fault?
Have you ever stood up to a narcissist and received everything you think about them?
Have you mustered the courage to confront them about a problem that bothers you, only to hear them accuse you of doing the same thing, or hurt their feelings with that accusation?
And then what?
Do you feel guilty? Ashamed? Embarrassed?
Let’s take it a step further here.
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Because you feel any of these feelings, you stay silent. Don’t repeat them. The narcissist silences that brave part of you.
You dared to speak up, and they pushed you back into the corner they prefer to keep you in.
Why do you have to stay there?
You shouldn’t.
Victim
Please don’t yell at me.
I’m doing my best.
I don’t mean to hurt you, but you seem intent on hurting me right now.
I don’t know what I keep doing wrong.
I know what might be going through your mind.
Alexander, why are you provoking me with these comments?
I don’t mean to provoke anyone, but these phrases are common, and they can damage the victim’s mindset as they finally try to take a stand.
I repeat, any opportunity a narcissist gets to portray themselves as a victim, they will.
Not only is this a blatant lie, it also undermines every real experience you’ve had with the narcissist.
How dare they suddenly take it away from you at this moment?
Keep Doing What You’re Doing
It’s hard to accept, but confronting a narcissist has its consequences.
It never works, but that’s because you’re designed to shut up and stay silent, otherwise you’ll get into trouble.
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What does this mean for you?
It gives you two options.
Absolutely. Shut up, stay silent, and allow the abuse to continue. This is your first option, and it’s the option many victims take for reasons of comfort and familiarity.
The second option is harder, but it will give you the freedom you deserve, and it’s your right.
You resist anyway.
The people left behind are the right people.
