Relationships can be difficult sometimes. Just as they can be the biggest cause of your happiness, they can also sometimes be the biggest cause of your sadness and pain. Cheating is one of those things that can break a person apart from within, and actually destroy even the most stable relationships. However, sometimes infidelity is more than just having sex with someone who is not your spouse.

There are a lot of couples who go for marital counseling or marital counseling, hoping that it will heal their broken relationship. They open up about their biggest fears as well as their deepest longings and desires when it comes to love, companionship, and commitment with a partner.

The pain of infidelity is one of the most difficult experiences a couple can go through. However, this is not the only thing that has to be reckoned with as there are many types of infidelity in other relationships that destroy, break up, and end relationships for good.

Let’s find out what these infidelities in relationships are, which can be worse than cheating.

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6 Relationship infidelities that have nothing to do with cheating

You don’t value the relationship.
Relationships are living and dynamic things. They need to be taken care of day in and day out. Many couples have bought into the idea that once they find and commit to a great partner, no more effort is required and the relationship will naturally take care of itself. This is one of the many things that can ruin relationships forever.

So instead of prioritizing quality time and connecting with their partner (as they did when they were dating), the relationship is pushed to the back burner.

Your relationship will not thrive if you only invest in it when it suits you. This kind of neglect is your one-way ticket to Splitsville. Your partner requires (and deserves) more than scraps of time and attention left over.

Not making an effort on yourself physically and/or mentally.
Some couples achieve a certain level of comfort in the relationship, and then gradually stop caring about their physical and emotional health. This can mean that your physical health is by the wayside, or that your work for your personal growth is not given priority. This can lead to poor communication, complacency, and selfish disregard for your partner’s feelings.

When you focus less on being the best version of yourself, you bring less happiness and satisfaction to your relationship. You start to develop two opposite feelings: boredom and dissatisfaction. Real closeness to a partner requires a real closeness and value for yourself. Your healing and self-care strengthen your relationship.

Neglecting the quality of your relationship.
This is one of the worst relationship betrayals. Humans receive a lot of cultural messages that teach them to think that they are not good enough, important enough, or desirable enough if they are single. In response, many people go on a fanatical quest to find a partner, get an engagement ring, and run down the aisle.

This way of dealing with relationships puts the “relationship” label on a pedestal and distracts us from what matters most: having the human experience we most desire. Dr. Robert Firestone refers to this as the “imaginary bond”. In his book, Conquering Your Critical Inner Voice, Dr. Firestone says that the fictional bond is the single most important factor that degrades love and attraction in a relationship.

When you make naming the relationship a higher priority than the actual relationship, the intimacy, affection, and strength of the bond will begin to wane, and in time disappear altogether. This is one of those betrayals in relationships that can be very difficult to come back from.

You should develop a strong friendship with your partner and check in on a routine basis. Sometimes you should ask yourselves, “Is our relationship everything it could be? Or should we do more to make it better, stronger, and healthier?”.

Not being responsible for your personal growth.
If you don’t truly own your development and growth as an individual, you can easily fall into interdependent patterns and start (unconsciously) expecting your partner to be responsible for your happiness. This is incredibly draining for your significant other.

Many people resist the business of personal growth and then place the onus on their partners to make up for the emotional foundation they are unwilling to cover themselves. This creates extreme inequality in the relationship – one person is mostly in the “give” position, and one person is mostly in the “take” position.

When you take responsibility for your inner healing and your feelings, you consciously remove the weight of unfair expectations from your partner and help them support you as an equal, rather than having to hold you or being responsible for how you feel.

Focus on “getting right,” more than solving the problem.
When it comes to fear and insecurity, people sometimes react to it by shaming and putting others down. This is one of the worst relationship betrayals you can be involved in.

When you are afraid, feel threatened, or drive to use your coping mechanisms, sometimes you try to undermine the person you see as a “threat” by shaming or attacking them. The best way to handle sensitive situations like this is to work through it, by stepping back from your vulnerability.

Shame can be a statement, tone of voice, or facial expression that conveys the idea that we think the other person is inferior—and that there is something wrong with their identity. You can also shame someone simply by rolling your eyes or making a sneer.

Here are some examples of defamatory language:

“What is with you?”

“You are just like your mother.”

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“Be a real man.”

“you are crazy!”

“You are so needy!”

Learning to express how you feel versus calling names, returning to judgment, or trying to undermine your partner is the difference between pushing love away and building a deeper, more valuable relationship and feeling confident in your relationship.

When we don’t deal with our baggage or develop healthy coping strategies to trigger conditions, we often fall back into harmful behaviors like comparison, belittling, shame, and disrespecting our partners.

Such behavior gradually destroys the emotional security and emotional depth of the relationship, and when you don’t feel safe and secure, intimacy takes a backseat.

Lack of intimacy pushes any relationship towards destruction, a downward spiral, and ultimately leads to its end. The need to be right should never lose sight of the need to have a healthy and happy relationship.

Change your partner into someone you think they should be.
It is normal for it to grow and change over time. While changing, your relationship with your partner must adjust and change as well. As long as there is transparent and emotional communication in the relationship, it will always develop in a positive, effortless way.

As you grow together over time, you should always focus on having a positive and open approach to it, and not try to change your partner into someone who they are not.

What’s so unhealthy is trying to change the core of who your partner is — their unique qualities and personality traits. Trying to create this kind of change sends your partner the message that “I don’t accept you as you are” or “I would love you more if…”

This is not unconditional love. This love comes with a checklist.

When you try to change your partner (their wardrobe, their friends, the way they talk, their career, or their business dreams), you are telling them that they can only have your love and affection if they get rid of their true selves and become everything you want them to be.

When you do this to your partner, you are putting them through a sore spot by making them choose between being loved by you, and being their true selves. This breeds resentment and almost always leads to relationship breakdown, as well as poor self-esteem and emotional health for both parties.

6 Relationship infidelities that have nothing to do with cheating

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