Every great relationship starts with a spark. A moment when the world becomes brighter and more important. You have always felt lost, aimless, just existing, lost in the void, surrounded by people, but unable to communicate with them. Until your soulmate appears.

Suddenly, your world was filled with meaning. You felt an endless purpose coming from within you. Everything is possible. You were finally ready to face the world, and your soulmate was with you on this journey.

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We all experience intense euphoria during the first months of love. This is not a metaphor. We are literally flooded with dopamine and noradrenaline. It’s like we’re under the influence of drugs.

In this case, it is almost impossible to see the reality in front of us. Who the other person is in secret, what are their true intentions, what dynamics are developing between you; None of that matters. Even if that is the case, you have no way of knowing the truth. You are under the influence of drugs. It’s not that your hands look weird, it’s your entire life.

If you have actually met a psychopath, you are being used to offer them sex, money, or status, to serve their malicious agenda. You are being hired to get this person what they want. There is no love on his side. You are being exploited, plain and simple.

If you have met a narcissist, you are being lured into their fantasy world. The narcissist seeks perfection, and he has projected this perfection onto you. The narcissist recruits you as a partner to feed his ego. The narcissist is on the run, not from the law, but from his own internal reservoir of toxic shame. He was looking for a partner to complement him, and you gladly accepted this role.

If you encounter someone with borderline personality disorder, you have been placed in the role of rescuer. This person is a helpless victim, and you are going to save him. This person needs your presence and attention every waking moment. His mood fluctuates between euphoria, anxiety, and sadness, then returns to euphoria. His life is full of misfortunes and failures. However, none of that matters in the ecstasy of the moment you share. You like to be wanted. But you don’t know that you are being used as an emotional bandage, a kind of therapist who keeps this person’s feelings or life from spiraling out of control.

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While each of the above situations is unique, they share one essential characteristic: you’re being showered with attention based on a lie.

Although all love stories begin with a dazzling start, those that last are often accompanied by a healthy dose of reality. It’s true that you both feel euphoric, but this feeling will fade with time. Instead of the initial phase being the foundation of your relationship, it fades into the past, becoming “our relationship legend”—a beautiful story about how you met.

Related : Why You Secretly Love Narcissists

In a healthy relationship, what remains after the euphoria subsides are shared values, mutual respect, commitment, loyalty, accepting mistakes, compromise, struggle, steps toward building a future, and a true love that deepens with time. You soon realize that the initial euphoria was merely the spark for the true fire that is real love.

In an unhealthy relationship, nothing matters but the euphoria. You mistake the spark for the fire. Unlike a healthy relationship that grows steadily, you’ll only experience an overwhelming urgency. Instead of a smooth courtship and dating phase, you end up constantly in contact with this person. You’re bombarded with messages and calls every waking moment. When you wake up and check your phone, you’re greeted by a morning love message. You spend every spare minute together. You can’t stop touching each other. You make grand, daring plans. A feeling of suffocation gradually creeps in, but you ignore it. You’re in a state of euphoria.

But what you don’t realize in your intoxication is that you’re being bombarded with love, being groomed to be used for malicious purposes. And on top of all that, this isn’t real love; it’s pure obsession.

Fake Love

Pure obsession is an irrational infatuation and an absolute obsession. It’s your heart overflowing with joy and wonder just thinking about the other person.

Infatuation is characterized by the following:

Intrusive thoughts: The person is constantly on your mind, from the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep. You think about them constantly throughout the day, whether you like it or not, and feel an overwhelming need to be with them when they are away.

A drastic shift in priorities: You give up your hobbies, friends, and even long-term plans to dedicate your life to this person.

Emotional dependency: You go to great lengths to keep them happy and are extremely anxious about making any mistake that might upset them. You analyze every communication, decision, boundary, and facial expression, fearing that this “perfect” relationship might suddenly collapse.

In romantic relationships, infatuation is often confused with love, as we believe we have finally found “the one.” But what we overlook is that infatuation is a powerful remnant of childhood; an immature form of love. When emotional attachment is intertwined with trauma, it persists into adulthood, where we project perfection onto others and overlook their flaws.

The fundamental difference between love and attachment lies in the fact that love stems from an abundance of qualities, while attachment stems from a lack of them. In other words, when we meet someone who seems to possess qualities we lack, attachment arises, compelling us to connect with them. This connection might manifest as a romantic relationship, a friendship, a work relationship, or even personal growth. In all these cases, we feel attachment because we believe this person will complement us in some way, and we strive to maintain this feeling.

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Narcissists and those with borderline personality disorder are deeply wounded individuals. Their childhoods were so traumatic, sad, and tragic that they became detached from reality. Their true selves were overwhelmed by feelings of shame, shock, guilt, and grief. To cope with this, they severed their connection to their true selves and used their imagination to alleviate the pain. Every action they take stems from this fantasy.

A psychopath is also deeply wounded, but they are not driven solely by fantasy. They see the world clearly while lacking a conscience. Consequently, they are not ashamed to exploit someone’s admiration for their own personal gain.

Remember that the initial stage of any relationship is the same for everyone. A single spark is necessary to ignite the flame of true love.

This raises a crucial question: How do you know if the other person is showing genuine signs of love, or if they are simply showering you with affection to weaken and manipulate you?

The short answer is: Time.

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You won’t see reality clearly until the initial euphoria fades. Even if you understand the mechanics of infatuation, once you fall into it, you’ll likely ignore your intuition and all your doubts. And once you lose touch with reality, you’ll probably only regain it after the crash.

Infatuation is like a supernova, a dazzling explosion that quickly fades, leaving only emptiness and darkness. True love, on the other hand, is like the sun, growing brighter with each passing year.

To understand whether you’re experiencing a whirlwind of love or on the verge of a mature and profound one, remember this crucial fact: everyone reveals their true nature within 18 months, often within the first three.

When meeting someone new, remind yourself that they’re on trial. If you declare your love and move in within three weeks, you’ve been caught up in a fanciful, shock-induced reaction. You’re no longer living in reality.

If you can maintain your personal boundaries and cultivate healthy caution and skepticism for at least three months (ideally eighteen), you will have all the information you need.

Most people instinctively know they are with a toxic person, but they ignore the facts because of their deep attachment and a need for love rooted in childhood trauma. Often, it takes several cycles before a person awakens to the underlying truth and fully heals.

Instead of losing hope, you can view these repeated failures as part of a broader journey leading to higher levels of awareness and healing from painful past wounds. Self-forgiveness and self-compassion are essential. Combined with knowledge, courage, and persistent healing, they can lead you to a better, more stable future. And who knows? Perhaps even to true love.