You can’t put your finger on it, but something just isn’t right with the new keystroke. When you tell your boyfriend your feelings, he considers them unworthy of his attention. That’s when he listens to you at all.
What you’re going through is never as bad as what you’re going through. It starts out as if everything revolves around him. He could even betray you and somehow find a way to be the victim. None of his friends had a bad word to say about him. In fact, it is always praise. He always knows what to say to negatively manipulate people around him. But when he’s behind closed doors, he’s judgmental of everyone who seems to get along with him, often tearing them apart. It almost makes you wonder what he really thinks about you.
Related: If He Says Any Of These 5 Things, He’s Trying To Control You
The truth is, there is a monster hiding just beneath the surface.
While it may be easy to recognize a classic narcissist, sometimes the narcissist can be right under your nose and you don’t even know it. Your sensitive introvert man may actually be a secret narcissist. Psychologist Elinor Greenberg took to Quora to reveal the three signs that someone is a covert narcissist. Tip: Instead of looking at what he does, pay attention to the things he can’t do.
What is a closet narcissist?
In contrast to exhibitionistic narcissists who seek the spotlight and openly declare their specialty, narcissists have been trained from early childhood to avoid saying: Look at me! Some also lack the temperament that allows them to show off in public in an open and clear way.
At home as children, they were often punished or devalued for bragging about their accomplishments. They have the same basic problems we have with exhibitionist narcissists:
Unstable self-esteem
Little or no emotional empathy
An acute awareness of the hierarchy of a situation and each person’s place in it
The desire to be special and superior to others
The inability to see oneself and others in a realistic and stable way as a mixture of likeable and disliked qualities (lack of “comprehensive relations between things”).
Inability to maintain a positive emotional connection with those they care about when they feel angry, disappointed, hurt, or frustrated with them (lack of “object constancy”).
Related: How A Narcissist Thinks (Warning: It’s Pretty Messed Up)
What are some things that a person with Closed Narcissistic Disorder will have difficulty doing:
- Public speaking
They will probably find it very intimidating and unpleasant to have to give a speech about themselves and their accomplishments.
- To be the center of attention in the group
Most people with narcissistic adaptations are uncomfortable being in the spotlight. It makes them feel very exposed and vulnerable to being devalued or inferior in some way.
- Publicly confront the overt narcissist
This combines two of their main fears: being in the spotlight and risking public devaluation.
Punchline: The name “closeted narcissistic disorder” itself strongly suggests that these narcissists prefer to keep a low profile and obtain their narcissistic supplies in a more covert manner. Anything that puts them in the harsh, bright glare of lights is likely to make them feel extremely dangerous and is best avoided.
