Do you think you have a narcissistic abuser in your life? Someone you can’t stay away from, at least not yet? The goal of the gray rock method is simple: act like gray rocks.
With a narcissist, this is easier said than done. However, there are ways to make it work.
The Gray Rock Method is essentially a way to end a narcissist’s interest in you by not responding emotionally. Essentially, you are depriving them of your response and attention, which will eventually lead the narcissist to find someone else to abuse and get rid of.
Related: 10 Personality Traits Of People Who Can’t Show Compassion
But what does this method really mean? What makes it not easy with a narcissist? Partly it’s about reversing the roles and putting yourself first.
Challenges of dealing with a narcissistic person.
As you well know by now, the narcissist should be the center of everyone’s world. When that doesn’t happen, there will be hell to pay.
If you live with, work with, or are even a child of a narcissistic abuser, you know. You have to keep them front and center, or else. This “or else” is terrible.
You should give them complete control and not have any opinions or needs of your own. Or you are turned on. Criticize. He shouted at me. Names called. threatening. humiliation. Made to feel fear. And small.
You don’t want to be small. you want to see. Maybe try to challenge them. Stand up for yourself. All you get is more abuse.
What do you do? Especially if you need it. It’s closed. Go quietly. All the time boiling inside. However, this need is strong. For love. Or work. You are desperate.
The best thing you can do is cut them out of your life completely. There is no place for you in their homes. But if you can’t, this is where the gray rock method comes in handy.
What is the gray rock method?
The gray rock method is very straightforward in principle. You make yourself as difficult, boring and uninteresting as a gray rock. I’ve put a shield around you.
Being a gray rock is that armor. The narcissist wants attention. If you don’t give them what they want, the theory is they’ll get it somewhere else.
The gray rock is unresponsive. The gray rock gives as little as possible and does not react. “Yes No. “Uh,” or just keep doing the job as simply as possible. Nothing else. Give too little, you’ve lost.
Don’t let the narcissist lure you. He will try to dismantle your determination and personality. They want to own you, control you, and make you give them what they want.
Yes, you want to be admired, loved and appreciated. Especially if it’s your parents, your spouse, or even your boss.
We all need appreciation and love, but you won’t get it from an abusive narcissist.
never. You have to accept that. If it looks like you did it, that’s seduction – then they’ve got you. Don’t let that happen.
Return to the gray rock. Set your intentions within yourself clearly. Don’t tell them what you’re doing. Hold on tight.
Difficult. And if you need something, it’s very sad. There are other places to love. Protect yourself. Set strict limits against abuse. Be that gray rock.
The gray rock method means setting boundaries.
Your boundaries should be more than good, and they should be impenetrable.
Everyone needs boundaries. It protects you from use, abuse, exploitation and giving too much away.
The narcissist will do anything to break them. That’s why gray, rocky boundaries are especially important with a narcissistic abuser. Narcissists will abuse your goodwill and exploit your need for love and appreciation.
Narcissists will not change.
The real sticking point is your own desire – that this person, this narcissist, will finally change – and give you what you’ve been looking for.
But a narcissist can’t, so you have to be able to stick to your guns. And if you have suffered trauma at the hands of a narcissistic abuser, this is not easy.
You are angry, which means you may be arguing or trying to be heard. It never works. You will get more abuse. Even if you are right or logical, and you probably are.
