Do you really know what it feels like to receive sympathy from the person you love? Or does empathy seem to be a personality trait they sorely lack?

Empathy seems like an uncomplicated feeling, but for the narcissist, it doesn’t exist.

Related: The #1 Way To Know You Love A Narcissist Is A Thing You Do — Not Them

What does a lack of empathy in behavior look like?

I remember watching a movie once about a couple in love. In one of the scenes, there was an argument between them. She started crying and he said to her: Don’t cry. You know I can’t handle it when you cry. Then he put his arms around her.

To this day, I can remember my reaction. I felt nauseous, sad, jealous, and disappointed in what my life had become.

As with most romance films I’ve come across, I rarely made it to the end of any of them. At some point, it became unbearable for me, and the TV went out.

I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship where someone showed that kind of compassion for me.
To this day, nearly six years after I left, I can still see the expressions on my ex-husband’s face when he entered emotional territory that was unfamiliar to him.

He knew he should be sympathetic, but he had no idea what to do, felt nothing, and didn’t care to find out. He was telling me something so toxic it might burn, something I didn’t have time to prepare myself for.

Before I could stop, my eyes were filling with tears. Often it would happen so fast, the tears would flow before I had a chance to fight them back.

His reaction was always the same: he looked at me as if an alien had just landed in our kitchen. He stared at the strange liquid in my eyes.

Then he turns and leaves the room without another word. Every time, for 20 years.

As a survivor of domestic violence and an advocate for victims and survivors of emotional abuse, I now know that I was married to a classic abuser – a narcissist. I also know why this is important.

According to Psychology Today, individuals with personality disorders, or narcissists, view the world from a black-and-white perspective. They have a polarized point of view, which either idealizes or denigrates people.

Individuals are viewed as good or bad. Often times, individuals with a personality disorder value people who agree with their point of view and devalue or lack empathy for people who disagree with them.

Here are 10 personality traits that mean you are dealing with someone who is incapable of compassion.

1. They control conversations
   Narcissists love to talk about themselves and will dominate conversations. If you don’t agree with their opinions, you will quickly be fired or ignored.

2. They interrupt conversations
   Narcissists will interrupt the conversation to make sure the topic returns to themselves – their favorite topic.

Related: Narcissistic Supply: 5 Reasons Narcissists Target Strong, Confident Women

3. They will break the rules.
   Not only do narcissists frequently break rules, they also enjoy doing so. They will lie, cheat, and steal just for the sake of enjoying something.
4. They frequently violate boundaries.
   Narcissists will overtake others and use them without regard for their feelings. They will break promises and “forget” their obligations.
5. They show a false personality,
   Narcissists often exaggerate who they are, what they own, and who they know in high positions. They will make up stories about great experiences to make themselves seem better than others.
6. They have a great sense of entitlement
   Narcissists often expect special treatment and for their needs to be put before others. They expect others to meet their needs, but they will not return the favor.
7. They can be charming
   Narcissists often have charismatic and exciting personalities. When they care about you, they will make you feel like you are the center of the universe. Once you become theirs, you become less important to them.
8. They have an exaggerated sense of self
   Narcissists believe that they are very important, and that others cannot live without them or their contributions to their lives.
9. They are skilled at cutting you off.
   Narcissists can be emotionally abusive. They put others down in order to feel superior.

10. They are very manipulative.
    Narcissists specialize in controlling others and their surrounding environment to suit their own needs. They don’t worry about the consequences of their decisions on anyone else involved.

Looking back now, if I had understood back then who I was dating, who I was marrying, and what those personality types looked like… If I had known that they weren’t changing, that things were getting worse, and what the warning signs were for that maybe I wouldn’t have… To stop those romantic movies all those years ago.