For weeks, I returned to this article again and again to write it. But each time I stopped, doubt and anxiety overwhelmed me. How could I write about something whose causes I couldn’t connect to its effects?
The only tangible evidence is the pain you feel, which you call “narcissistic abuse.” But what if I told you that behind these attacks lies something deeper? What if it’s revenge for something you did days, weeks, or even months ago?
Proving the existence of this secret “black book” is like proving the existence of the devil. I usually only write about something I’ve seen myself, or that someone else has confirmed for me. In this case, neither of those things happened. So, I’ll be completely honest: I have no proof of this. I’m relying solely on my intuition.
A World of Resentment and Revenge
Narcissists harbor immense anger and envy.
Anger stems from the feeling that their souls have been drained by an emotionally detached parent, before that parent molded the narcissist to their liking. Their humanity was stripped away, and they were forced to play a part in a lavish show, only to end up seething with suppressed rage.
Envy, on the other hand, arises from seeing others living authentically, true to themselves, burdened by their vulnerabilities, yet brimming with a profound sense of meaning and purpose. The narcissist lacks all of this and is always on the verge of envy.
Related : The Effects Of Narcissism On Children
As a result, the narcissist is always on the lookout for any insult. You may have said something hurtful to them. But often, it’s not what you said or did that’s the issue, but rather who you are.
Your true self contains your joy, your delight, and your spontaneous, boundless energy. The narcissist wants all of this from you as a source of gratification for their narcissism and to fill their void. As long as you cater to their every need, they will be satisfied—at least initially.
Sometimes you might not feel like it, so you draw the line. Other times you might be too exhausted, or your intuition might tell you to say no.
Often you give it your all, but it’s never enough for the narcissist. Just like any addict, the narcissist will need more of their favorite drug to feel good. And like any addiction, there will come a time when what you offer isn’t enough to satisfy their narcissism, especially during times of stress.
The Angry Jury
Narcissists frequently disconnect from reality, especially when provoked. When you anger them with your honesty, your boundaries, or even your actions, they detach from the present moment and disappear. It can take moments or days for them to return to normal.
I don’t know where they go during this time, but what remains is the anger you stirred within them. A narcissist might seethe with rage for a while, oscillating between presence and detachment. You might see them lost in thought, lost in vague ideas. This is perhaps the best sign I’ve seen.
Furthermore, narcissists need to feel superior and in control. They absolutely cannot afford to appear petty. So they will harbor their anger, plotting until the opportune moment arrives.
I suspect that the “rumination phase” is when they slip into the realm of psychopathy and malice. They might plot to punish you through their psychopathic behavior, then disconnect from reality before they even realize what’s happening.
Or if they’re truly malicious, they’ll know exactly what they’re doing.
They’re teaching you a lesson.
While the narcissist is seething with anger and meticulously planning when and how to punish you, you’ve already moved on. Days have passed since that awkward moment, and you barely noticed their sudden silence.
Revenge often comes when you’re feeling relaxed and carefree, comfortable in a state of vulnerability and acceptance. As you try to connect with the narcissist, their envy of your happiness grows, and they sense your helplessness.
Then they pounce.
They might make a jabbing comment, hitting the nail on the head. Or perhaps the narcissist gradually becomes more aggressive as you try to have a calm conversation. They might suddenly do something you’ve previously told them you don’t like. Whatever it is, it a) comes at an unexpected time, and b) strikes you where you least expect it.
If the narcissist has perfected their game, they’ll leave you reeling for hours, or even days. Shame washes over you, pain gnaws at your chest, and confusion takes hold. You don’t know what happened, let alone that it was premeditated and planned days or weeks in advance.
This is my understanding of the hidden justice of the narcissist. I have no proof of it, but I felt compelled to share it. I suspect that if this happened to you, it’s not just narcissism, but rather an awakening of a psychopathic state, one that many narcissists and even those with borderline personality disorder possess.
