Parents are the guiding force in their children’s lives, and children grow up imitating and loving their parents. For every child, their parents are the people to look to when it comes to understanding what life is like and what it means to be a fit and healthy person. However, this does not apply to emotionally immature parents.

Emotionally immature parents are controlling, narrow-minded, unreliable, and demanding. They tend to shame and guilt their children for doing what they want them to do and have no regard for what their children might want. Your parents never met your emotional needs, and even as a child, you felt lonely and depressed. You can never have a healthy, normal, happy relationship with them, and all you crave is love and some parental affection.

Adult children of emotionally immature people never knew what parental affection was, and never experienced any kind of emotional intimacy from them. Even after you grow up, your turbulent and unhappy childhood continues to haunt you, and your emotional wounds always prevent you from feeling happy.

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Who is the emotionally immature parent?

What does it mean to be immature? Immature means when you are not fully developing the way you are supposed to be, be it physically, emotionally, mentally or even psychologically. Emotionally immature parents have no idea how to regulate their emotions, and this leads them to act in ways that end up hurting their children in one way or another.

They may have gone through their fair share of childhood trauma, and were unable to deal with it in a healthy way. Since they have not healed their own pain, they intentionally or unintentionally inflict the same pain on their children, unaware of the harm they are doing.

Some of the reasons behind their emotional immaturity are as follows:

• Unresolved childhood trauma
• Emotional neglect in childhood
• Dysfunctional upbringing
• Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
• Unresolved psychological issues and differences
• Untreated addiction

4 The types of parents who are emotionally immature

1. Parents driven
   From the outside, motivated parents look like the average parents who care deeply about and are invested in their children’s lives and activities. And they honestly. But the catch is that they are very controlling and intrusive, giving absolutely no space for their children to do their own thing.

They are goal-oriented and reward-oriented people, who only care about winning and achieving. They only care that their children succeed and achieve great things in life. However, they show absolutely no sympathy or affection. There is an absolute lack of emotional connection, support, and intimacy on their part.

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2. Parental rejection
   Disapproving parents usually dominate, control, and rule their families with an iron fist. Everyone is afraid of them and tries very hard not to disturb them in any way. They do not have any kind of closeness and communication with their children and apart from issuing orders, being abusive, yelling and screaming, they love to be left alone.

If you try to initiate any kind of closeness and emotional intimacy with them, they get very uncomfortable and angry and choose to leave the situation. In short, they reject all kinds of intimacy and communication from their children.

3. Emotional parents
   Sentimental parents are extreme in every sense of the word, and there is no middle ground for them. The smallest setbacks and issues tend to push them over the edge and they act like it’s the end of the world for them. Parents like them are unhealthily involved in their children’s lives, or they are too far away.

Whenever they feel upset about something, they look to external factors to make them feel better, like maybe they are really drunk or relying on other people to calm them down. They are never able to regulate their emotions and deal with them on their own.

4. Negative parents
   Negative parents do their best to get away from annoying and negative situations, and they don’t try to do anything constructive. They are often seen as the “favorite parent” or “good cop”, as they never try to stop their children from doing anything. They hate being disciplined and prefer taking a backseat when it comes to the difficult parts of parenting.

A passive parent does not guide or educate their children on how to navigate the world and its complexities. Moreover, they also choose to ignore the egregious things their children are subjected to by the other parent, such as corporal punishment, abuse, and neglect. They do not have any kind of confidence and even interest in wanting to raise their children in a normal and healthy way.

7 signs she was raised by emotionally immature parents

1. They are very selfish.
   Emotionally immature parents only care about themselves, and least of all their children. However, they are convinced that they are the best parents for their children, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Parents like them tend to impose their opinions, decisions, and choices on their children, even if it makes them very unhappy.

They think in their heads that whatever they do is for the best of their children and they don’t care whether their children are happy with it or not. They live in a delusional bubble of being the best parents in this world, and they can do no wrong.

2. They are never emotionally vulnerable to you.
   Emotionally immature parents tend to be very uncomfortable showing their feelings to their children. They feel that if they are weak with their children, it will undermine and eliminate their parental authority, which is why they always keep an emotional distance between them.

Vulnerability, emotional connection, and emotional vulnerability are all foreign concepts to them. However, when it comes to being strict, overly observing, imposing their decisions and opinions, and issuing orders, they show no hesitation. Expecting emotional intimacy from them will always be wishful thinking.

3. They are inflexible and rigid in thinking.
   This is one of the main signs of emotionally immature parents. There is no way in hell they are going to listen or even try to understand your feelings. They live in a world of their own, where they are always right and just; With emotionally immature parents, it’s always “my way or the highway.”

They cannot understand that you may think differently than they do, that they have different opinions, dreams, and choices in life. They are always so stuck in their heads that they forget that the world does not revolve around them and their desires.

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4. They have no respect for your boundaries and your choices.
   Emotionally immature parents do not understand the concept of personal boundaries and personal choices. They are experts at violating their children’s boundaries by constantly forcing their choices on them and completely ignoring what they want and desire.

They never respect your privacy, and if you tell them you need some space, they take it very personally and act as if the world has crashed on their heads. A sense of entitlement and a superiority complex makes them so controlling that they are only happy when you allow them to disrupt your life, impose their decisions on you and allow them to do whatever they want without any problems.

5 They are people who are completely ruled by their egos.

For parents like them, everything they do, say, and believe is decided by their egos. They can be so selfish that it is almost impossible to even have a normal, civil conversation with them. They are entitled, narcissistic, aggressive, self-absorbed and don’t care how much they hurt their children.

On the other hand, they can also be experts at playing the victim and be passive aggressive, when they see that you are not giving them the importance and attention they crave. As long as you do what they say, all is well, but the moment you go against their desires, their selfish side comes out.

6. They are experts when it comes to using toxic defense mechanisms.
   This is one of the most important things you need to know and understand when it comes to the checklist for emotionally immature parents.

Unable to understand their flaws and mistakes, they choose to resort to toxic defense mechanisms to save face. By the way, they do this, even when they know they are wrong. They’re afraid of someone bursting their bubble, which is why they can go to any lengths to make sure that doesn’t happen.

They resort to outright denial, as they refuse to take responsibility for their mistakes, no matter how terrible and heartbreaking they may be. They also resort to projection where they blame you for their mistakes and insecurities and beat you until you believe their lies and manipulations.

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7. They hold you responsible for their happiness, their sadness, and everything else.
   Emotionally immature parents depend on the emotional stability of their children, which is why they will always hold you responsible for all their emotions and moods. In addition, their emotional state depends on you and how they feel. If you don’t do what they want you to do, they will quickly spiral into depression and immense unhappiness and will blame you for hurting them and breaking their hearts.

Even though they’re your parents, most of the time, you seem to be the one doing the upbringing. Obsessed with themselves, they always put their feelings and emotions first, even at the expense of yours.

How to deal with emotionally immature parents

1. Learn to prioritize yourself and your needs without feeling guilty.
   This is probably the most important and best thing you can do when it comes to healing an emotionally immature parent. You will feel shame and guilt when you choose yourself and your happiness, but this is what you need to do if you want to keep your sanity.

Prioritize your own happiness and peace of mind, because that is the only way you have any hope of preserving your sanity. Love yourself and take care of your best friends and don’t compromise with them at any cost.

2. Take charge of every conversation and interaction between you.
   Although emotionally immature parents can be very manipulative and controlling, you should try to take charge of every conversation you have with them. Immature people are usually not very knowledgeable or intelligent and this is what you need to remember so that you can lead your interactions with them.

Navigate conversations judiciously by not responding to their inflammatory comments, ignoring them when they try to emotionally blackmail and manipulate you, and trying to steer the conversation toward topics that matter to you. Direct the conversation without being passive and fearful.

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3. Practice emotional detachment.
   This may be the hardest thing for you to do. Emotionally detaching yourself when your parents try to tease you or ignore your feelings can be difficult, but necessary. Emotional detachment can protect you from much of the pain your father causes, and it will stop you from being his emotional victim.

The more you realize and understand their toxicity and their games, the better you will be at training yourself in the art of emotional detachment. Emotionally immature parents will have no power over you if you stop allowing them to control and manipulate your emotions.

Children of emotionally immature parents suffer a lot, but most of them have mental, emotional and psychological problems. When parents are not mature enough to understand and raise their children, it naturally takes a heavy toll on the offspring. If you are someone with emotionally immature parents, then I hope this article was able to help you understand how they think and what you can do to deal with them.