Depriving a narcissist of their narcissistic supply can be as simple as a professional athlete making their sport seem effortless. With the right training, you can be among the small percentage of “elite” psychic athletes who can brilliantly withstand a narcissist under any pressure.
Imagine Neo in “The Matrix,” who spends the entire film on the run from the Agents. The Agents are very much like narcissists: arrogant and haughty, wearing “authority” suits as they seek to control the Matrix. Neo’s peers are led to believe that no one is on par with the Agents, that fighting them is suicidal. However, after long training and deep reflection, a moment comes when Neo is ready. He realizes he is “the Chosen One,” and he not only believes he can defeat the Agents, he is certain of it.
In the final scene, the Agents unleash a hail of bullets on Neo. But instead of trying to dodge the bullets as he did before, he simply raises his hand and stops them mid-flight. Then he nonchalantly lowered his arm and watched the bullets fall to the ground. Finally, he lunged at the group leader, Agent Smith, and lunged at him. Agent Smith looked visibly shaken before Neo exploded, taking his place and sending the remnants of him into oblivion.
This is a powerful symbol of what it looks like to “defeat” a narcissist. Just as agents use bullets to attack, narcissists use their words to unsettle you psychologically and emotionally. And just as agents use their arrogant body language and facial expressions to intimidate, narcissists dominate you with their presence, staring intently into your soul.
When you are ready, the narcissist’s words will have no effect on you. You will be able to deflect them as Neo deflected the bullets. Instead of being intimidated by the narcissist’s gaze and presence, you will look directly at him, piercing his eyes with a steady stare, unsettling him and consigning him to oblivion.
Here is a summary of what is required to reach this high level of enlightenment:
- Find Your Center
Narcissists try to provoke you, launching a relentless assault on your mind and emotions. It’s like being adrift in an ocean during a raging storm, losing your bearings. Over weeks and months, as your shame, self-doubt, and confusion grow, and as the narcissist reprograms your beliefs, you begin to forget who you are. Over months and years, you won’t even remember who you were before the abuse.
In the midst of this chaos lies a great opportunity.
Most victims of narcissistic abuse fall prey to the narcissist because they derive their identity from others. They only know themselves through how others perceive them. Narcissistic abuse is so mind-numbing that it drives you to desperately seek a way out. Whether through conscious effort or by chance, there will come a time when you must let go completely.
Meanwhile, the psychological storm continues to batter you, before your own soul’s ocean completely engulfs you. What’s left?
Death, of course.
But not that kind. It’s the best kind of death.
The ego is a powerful analytical tool that helps us find solutions to our problems. But you can’t get rid of narcissistic abuse by thinking alone. It has penetrated beyond the mind. The only solution, then, is to transcend the mind. To let go of the ego’s “safety” and allow yourself to fall. When the ego surrenders, even temporarily, what’s left?
You, of course.
You notice a unique presence watching over you. And with the right perspective, you realize that this presence is you. You are the center. You are “the One.”
This center becomes your guiding star as you navigate the treacherous seas of narcissistic abuse, helping you reach safe harbor. Whatever happens outside, whatever your mind tells you, however much things crumble around you, you remain here.
- Discover a Psychopath
This subheading might seem exaggerated, but bear with me.
When I think of a psychopath, I picture someone devoid of feeling, coldly observing the world, unaffected by what they see. If a child cries, for example, the psychopath sees only a crying child. No sadness in their eyes, no desire to comfort the child. Just tears streaming down their faces. That’s it.
What a life!
However, this perspective can be useful for limited purposes. Imagine a narcissist telling you how amazing their ex-girlfriend was and how you could never be anything like her. Imagine a narcissist questioning whether they want to stay in the relationship while calling you selfish and stupid. Imagine a narcissist belittling your accomplishments. In all these cases, you might feel inferior, scared, or guilty. These are perfectly normal reactions.
Related : How To Deal With A Narcissist Effectively
Now, imagine the narcissist doing the same thing to someone with a psychopathic disorder.
A person with a psychological disorder might be aware of what a narcissist is trying to do without feeling anything. They might simply shrug and walk away. Or they might step forward, stare into the narcissist’s wide, dark eyes, and challenge them directly.
As long as you maintain your humanity, this will be nearly impossible. But what if you reframe things to fit reality? A narcissist is human, but they act inhumanly. They avoid feeling their own humanity while trying to manipulate you into feeling inferior. And what happens when someone doesn’t play by the rules? Game over.
We are emotionally detached all the time. When watching a live game, our hearts race and our veins throb with excitement. But when it’s a replay, where we already know the result? We don’t feel the same excitement. New fashion excites us. Do we want to wear baggy, brightly colored jeans from the 90s? No, thank you.
View the narcissist as a caricature, and detach your emotions from them. It plays the same scenario over and over again, trying to prevent you from evolving and growing. When you see it this way, it becomes easier to feel nothing towards it.
- Uncover Your Dark Side
The dark side is what hinders us most when dealing with narcissists.
In our unconscious mind lie all our repressed aspects; the aspects of our true selves that are rejected. Everything that makes us “bad.”
“Bad” in this context means the aspects of us that our families and societies initially rejected: our curiosity, our sexuality, our ability to make decisions, our strength. All of this and more can be repressed and buried deep in our unconscious, where it remains.
But these aspects don’t simply stop—they remain active and find other outlets outside our conscious awareness. For example, the ability to make decisions and strength are needs that narcissists are happy to fulfill. Their confidence draws us to them and resonates with our need for assertiveness. In other words, we express our confidence indirectly through the narcissist.
If you deny your sexuality and consider it a “sin,” the narcissist will find a way to justify it and use it as a weapon to increase your dependence. Because you have little control over your sexuality, the narcissist is likely to succeed in this.
When a narcissist mistreats you, it deeply affects you, subtly reinforcing the idea that you are “bad” or unworthy of respect. The more they mistreat you, the more dependent you become. As long as you remain unaware of this, you will remain vulnerable.
Working on the darker aspects of your personality is crucial for developing immunity against narcissistic abuse. Regularly reflect on your negative feelings. Ask yourself: What makes me “bad”? Write down your critical and judgmental thoughts about yourself. Reflect on aspects of your personality that you may be hiding. Explore why you are attracted to or repelled by certain people or things. Both will give you insight into what lies deep within you.
Find your core and deepen your connection to it. Recognize your troubled side within a limited context by separating your feelings from those who don’t conform to the rules. Explore your dark side, love it, and accept it. Integrate and unleash your repressed parts. Find the “good” by accepting the “bad” within you.
If you develop these three aspects within yourself, you will become grounded, strong, and whole. You will find it easy to challenge the narcissist’s intimidating gaze and be able to dismiss them completely by ignoring their words in the blink of an eye.
