It seems some people attract narcissists into their lives. They don’t intend to; it happens automatically. Perhaps they are recreating family dynamics stemming from being raised by a narcissistic parent. This may be true. But another reason might be less related to upbringing and more to personality; they may simply be highly sensitive.
This relationship between the highly sensitive and the narcissist seems perfectly compatible, and for good reason.
The Highly Sensitive and the Narcissist: The Sensitive Creator Meets the Selfish Taker
Highly sensitive people, as they are called:
Creative.
Experience their emotions quickly and intensely before they are exhausted. They often feel tired and have a strong need for solitude to recharge.
Attuned to the feelings of others, they may even adopt those feelings, which can also be draining if they are not careful.
Good listeners, they can sacrifice their attention for long periods.
They find it more difficult than others to keep up with daily life, and therefore tend to seek guidance and support from a higher power.
They are more easily influenced than others.
Their emotional world is vibrant. They are artists and dreamers, inspiring others with their energy and passion for life.
They crave love and connection more than others. Because of this deep need for emotional fulfillment, their personal boundaries are often weak. That is, their need for connection outweighs their need for self-protection. They thrive in familiarity and suffer from isolation.
Their emotional vulnerabilities are also more easily provoked than others, making them easy prey for narcissists who are constantly searching for an easy source to satisfy their narcissistic desires.
The Tragedy of the Narcissist
Unlike the idealistic empath, the narcissist is a deceiver. While the empath seeks connection, beauty, and love, the narcissist seeks control, dominance, and self-gratification.
Being seen and accepted by those we love enhances the value of life, while being ignored is deeply painful and shameful. The narcissist is a product of a system in which they never saw their true self. Eventually, the pain of their denied humanity became unbearable. So, the narcissist disowned their true self—including their feelings. Instead, they created an illusion in their mind that restored their self-confidence. In other words, they became a narcissist.
To complete this Faustian bargain, the narcissist sold their soul and began to experience an inner death. They no longer feel alive except through external attention and energy. This explains the narcissist’s addiction to whatever feeds their ego.
When people set boundaries with a narcissist, they force them to confront their inner emptiness and the shame of rejection. But when people shower them with love, appreciation, and attention, the narcissist regains their vitality. Eventually, they are drawn to those who give generously and with minimal complaint: the empaths.
The Misunderstood Empath
Above all, empaths need deep connection. They have a constant yearning to experience the beauty of life and to connect with others. Unlike narcissists, they haven’t relinquished their desire to be seen for who they truly are.
Not every environment can meet the needs of empaths. They operate emotionally at a higher frequency than others. This demanding way of communicating often leads to misunderstanding and, consequently, rejection.
Because of their rich emotional world, empaths are extremely sensitive to any interruption in communication. In many families, especially conservative, traditional, or violent ones, the empath’s need for creativity and deep understanding may be neglected. Even worse, the empath may be shamed for their “tenderness.” These unmet needs, coupled with persistent shyness, can lead to low self-esteem in the empathetic individual and an intense, almost unconscious, desire for love.
Related : Healing PTSD After Narcissistic Abuse
Then the narcissist steps in, showering the empathetic with their undivided attention. The narcissist doesn’t find the intensity of the empathetic’s feelings problematic; on the contrary, they welcome them. The more intense, the better. When the empathetic person is seen and accepted in this way, they feel as though they have found their soulmate.
How a Narcissist Attracts an Empath
An empath needs constant, harmonious interaction from another person to satisfy their emotional needs and maintain their psychological equilibrium. They simply cannot ignore their feelings.
A narcissist will sense this like a shark senses blood and will pounce. The empath’s inner beauty and vulnerable personal boundaries make them a valuable asset for feeding their narcissism. Narcissists know how to provoke emotions, and they know that empaths can’t help but respond.
The narcissist’s charm can be irresistibly captivating to the empath. Most people are lukewarm when they don’t know someone, while narcissists can be intensely attentive instantly. To make the empath fall for them, the narcissist will mirror and reinforce the empath’s emotional side.
The empath will believe they’ve found their soulmate, finally someone who can tolerate their intensity. It’s like a powerful force of attraction working against their will and clouding their judgment. Empathy and narcissism together create a perfect storm.
When The Drug Breath Widespread
No one has all the answers, so the average person can’t offer the empath the depth and security they crave. But the narcissist steps in, with their inflated (and false) sense of self and self-confidence.
As the relationship between the empath and the narcissist develops, the empath gradually comes to understand the narcissist’s oppressive and manipulative nature. At the same time, the relationship deteriorates due to the narcissist’s cycle of idealization, belittling, and abandonment. Initially, the narcissist is captivated by the empath’s vitality and zest for life. In contrast to the narcissist’s emotional detachment, the empath seems like a shining star.
But everything has an end.
As with all narcissistic relationships, the inevitable shift occurs when the narcissist becomes disillusioned or bored with the empath.
The empath, having tasted the sweetness of the relationship with the narcissist, finds it incredibly difficult to let go of the memory of that idealized image. Losing his sense of belonging, his devoted lover, his soulmate, is incredibly painful and difficult to accept.
He panics and desperately seeks to regain the unconditional positive approval of the narcissist, unaware that the path to freedom and fulfillment was, and still is, within his grasp.
Falling_Compassionate, Falling: Liberation from the Narcissist
Now it’s clear why compassionates repeatedly fall for narcissists. But this isn’t the end of the story; there’s another way. It’s not just about leaving the narcissist behind.
Compassionate_Must_Take_a_Step_of_Faith
This requires courage, as doing so will evoke great fear. When the compassionate finally agrees to surrender, their spiritual journey begins. They then realize that their sensitivity is not a curse, but a powerful strength.
The two missing elements for the compassionate have always been a witness and a nurturer. The compassionate longs to be seen for who they truly are, to be safely embraced as they express themselves fully. Their mistake was seeking this outside themselves, through the narcissist.
Spiritual teachings affirm that within each of us is an inner witness, an observer who communicates through our consciousness—a higher self capable of seeing, verifying, and embracing. The spiritual journey of a compassionate person is about discovering and developing this aspect of themselves to its fullest potential.
This can be incredibly difficult for someone accustomed to constant inner turmoil. However, great opportunities arise from crises, and every compassionate person needs to recognize their true strength. To achieve this, they need to practice a specific form of meditation.
Self-Meditation
Self-meditation is the process of sitting for a specific period of time, allowing the time and space for the true self to emerge.
In essence, you are inviting the witness to awaken, while simultaneously cultivating the capacity to absorb what they see. It is simply a matter of waiting, and it is the perfect exercise for a compassionate person seeking to develop their inner strength.
The goal of self-meditation is to sit with your “self” for as long as possible. That’s all. You sit there without expecting anything to happen (though, paradoxically, something does happen eventually).
The instructions are as follows:
Find a quiet room free from distractions.
Sit cross-legged with your back and neck straight. It’s advisable to use a cushion or towel to sit on, as elevating your upper body helps maintain good posture, making meditation easier. The most important thing is to feel as comfortable as possible while maintaining an upright posture.
Set a timer. The ideal duration is 20 minutes. You may need to start with a shorter time and gradually increase it.
Place your hands on your thighs.
Keep your eyes open throughout the meditation. Focus on something simple, such as a mandala, a dot on the ground, or anything without writing on it. This will be your reference point throughout the meditation, allowing you to concentrate calmly without distractions. If you feel like closing your eyes, do so, but open them again when you’re ready.
Try to remain relaxed and focused throughout the meditation.
Obstacles to Self-Reflection
During meditation, you will encounter some difficulties. Sitting completely still in silence is not a state the mind enjoys, and it will rebel. Be prepared for persistent thoughts, discomfort, doubts, and impatience. But if you persevere, you will be rewarded.
It is a balancing act. Excessive focus leads to an inflated ego, blocking the path to your true self. Insufficient focus leads to a loss of awareness, meaning the ego will take control.
Self-reflection has one goal: to open the way for your true self to emerge and for you to encounter it. However, you will begin the practice without a specific goal. The moment you set a goal, you activate your mind, thus keeping the path to your true self closed.
This practice is about transcending the mind and discovering another world within you. You must be as open and relaxed as possible. Rest assured, the process will unfold naturally. You need to do nothing but focus.
Simply sit and wait. You need to be alert, yet at ease. It’s a seemingly paradoxical state, but it will become clearer with each session.
Permission To Be And Create
As the compassionate person practices self-reflection regularly, their relationship with others, with narcissists, and with themselves will change. They awaken not only their true self but also their higher self, which sees and loves everything.
The compassionate person begins to cultivate what they once longed for in others. Over time, they become calmer, more confident, and more independent, and their tendency to attract narcissists diminishes.
As the compassionate person embraces spirituality and personal strength, they can also pursue art. Their deepest passion is not just for love, but for expressing and seeking beauty. They need to give a part of themselves to the abstract world and minimize analytical tasks as much as possible. They will need to overcome the social stigma that often surrounds artists and accept their true nature.
Artistic creation will greatly contribute to satisfying this inexhaustible passion. An empath doesn’t need to search far to discover the kind of art they can create; they often feel it from a young age. All they need is permission to practice their art, and that permission comes from within.
The next step is finding genuine, loving people who can provide the empath with the support they need—people who understand and empathize with their feelings.
Rigid structures won’t work. An empath needs a space to move around, express themselves, and feel accepted.
They also need a non-intrusive and non-manipulative environment. They need people who respect their boundaries and allow them to express their feelings freely. Finally, they need people who give them time for solitude to recharge after they’ve exhausted themselves.
Solid and Spacious Structures
By ending their relationship with the narcissist, the empath will face the challenge of taking responsibility for themselves.
Working in a traditional job may be impossible, and it may also be necessary to let go of some people who cannot tolerate the empath’s hypersensitivity. The empath has a complex set of needs, so they will often need to be creative and innovative in meeting them. The empath will need to learn to accept their inner emotional turmoil and master the art of managing its complexities while quenching their emotional thirst.
The relationship between the narcissist and the empath is the easiest way out. In reality, the empath has two choices: either leave the door open and allow the narcissist to plunder their wealth, or take the initiative, let go of the shame of expectations, and embrace their true nature. They were made to shine.
