A while ago, I was exploring Greek mythology, and while reading the story of Hephaestus and Aphrodite, I was struck by a surprise. I thought to myself, “I know this story, but how? I’ve never read it before.” It took me a moment, and then I realized: it’s a story about a relationship between a hidden, insecure narcissist and someone with borderline personality disorder.
Now, get ready. Here’s the story:
Hephaestus was born to Hera, queen and wife of Zeus. After discovering that her son was deformed and walked abnormally, she learned to walk down Mount Olympus out of disgust. Hephaestus fell for a whole day before landing in the ocean. He would have died had Thetis, Achilles’ mother, not rescued him.
Hephaestus then grew up on the island of Lemnos, where he learned from the islanders to become a skilled craftsman. There, he set up a workshop beneath a volcano and used various metals to create exquisite jewelry and ingenious tools.
He quickly became famous among all the gods of Mount Olympus for his skill in crafting weapons, jewelry, and armor. He made gifts for all the gods, including Achilles’ shield, Athena’s spear, and Heracles’ shield.
When Hera heard of Hephaestus’s genius, she demanded his return. But Hephaestus, still angry at her abandonment, replied, “I have no mother.” Knowing that Hera only wanted him back to create what she requested, Hephaestus built a special golden throne and sent it to her. As soon as she sat upon it, golden ropes and chains were unleashed, trapping her on her throne.
She remained there, trapped, unable to eat or sleep. Everyone on Mount Olympus tried to free Hera from Hephaestus’s trap, but they all failed. The trap was impenetrable. Zeus retaliated by sending his son Ares, the god of war, to drag Hephaestus back to Mount Olympus and free his mother. But the mighty Ares failed. Hephaestus used fire to attack Ares and force him to flee. Zeus then sent Dionysus, the god of wine, to trick Hephaestus and bring him back. This time they succeeded. Dionysus used wine to intoxicate Hephaestus and carried him up the mountain on a mule.
After finally returning to Mount Olympus, Hephaestus still refused to release Hera. Zeus then offered Hephaestus the hand of Aphrodite, the goddess of love, beauty, and fertility, in exchange for Hera’s freedom. Hephaestus was captivated by Aphrodite and her enchanting charm, so he accepted, and they married. But Hephaestus never forgave Hera.
He remained infatuated with Aphrodite. He bestowed upon her many gifts and even gave her a magical girdle that made her irresistibly alluring to men. However, their marriage was turbulent and painful, filled with deceit. Aphrodite never loved Hephaestus and found his appearance repulsive. Instead, she spent her time flirting with Ares. Every time Aphrodite cheated on Hephaestus, he would smash his tools and unleash a volcano upon his workshop.
One day, Hephaestus caught Aphrodite and Ares in a compromising position. His reaction was to lock them in bed and send them naked to Mount Olympus to be mocked by all the gods and goddesses.
The latent/vulnerable narcissist arises primarily from a harsh rejection by their mother. The mother may be depressed or traumatized, suffer from a personality disorder, or the child may be the product of an unplanned or forced pregnancy that the mother resented. Regardless of the cause, the divine child, initially content in their utopia, begins to believe they are deformed and repulsive, feeling rejected and ostracized by their mother. This echoes the origins of Hephaestus. The latent narcissist was also banished from Mount Olympus by the queen of the gods in his own realm.
At the heart of Hephaestus’s relationship with his mother lies anger, abandonment, rejection, and prolonged grief. This, too, resonates with the story of the narcissist. Just as the narcissist spends their time consumed by rage over their mother’s betrayal, Hephaestus spent his days beneath a volcano. The narcissist never forgives their mother. They might bitterly declare, “I have no mother,” if they were honest with themselves.
Related : How Environment Shapes The Narcissist
Therefore, the narcissist’s relationship with their mother is incomplete. Feeling unloved and rejected, the narcissist resorts to rejecting their mother. These wounds remain for life, as it is too late to separate from the mother and achieve self-realization.
Like Hephaestus, the latent narcissist is usually drawn to a relationship because of their inherent drive for pleasure and grandeur (Dionysus), coupled with the irresistible allure and merriment of the borderline personality (Aphrodite). The narcissist’s life is like a wild party, where only wonder and pleasure exist. They create a fantasy world with the borderline personality. But unbeknownst to the narcissist, they are thrown back into the heart of their childhood trauma: they are led to Mount Olympus and forced to confront their mother, who has remained trapped on her throne within their mind all along. The narcissist resolves this conflict by replacing their mother with a relationship with a personality disorder. Their solution is to glorify a new partner and heal their original mother wound through them. Thus, they “marry Aphrodite.”
Finally, every narcissist glorifies their intimate partner, then belittles them, and finally abandons them. Like any narcissist, Hephaestus believed that Aphrodite would heal his original wound. He glorified her, then belittled her for her deceit and betrayal (perhaps even provoking her through his abusive and cynical nature), before cruelly abandoning her by exposing her shameful deeds to the gods.
Hephaestus believed he would regain the gods’ favor through his actions. He believed he would achieve perfection through deeds. This frantic pursuit of perfection in the material world, stemming from a sense of shame, haunts every narcissist.
Hephaestus’s father, Zeus, was also a blatant narcissist. Because of his inescapable shame and his father’s influence, Hephaestus could not escape his pain. Redemption remained elusive. The gods admired his talents, but they did not compensate him for his deformity. He was never able to fully display his narcissism as overt narcissists do.
The story of Hephaestus reveals the tragedy of every narcissist. Moreover, Greek mythology brilliantly portrays humanity’s struggle to reconcile its divine nature with the betrayal of the real world.
When one is afflicted with narcissism, one is expelled from paradise. One remains a prisoner of one’s affliction, unable to reclaim one’s place on Mount Olympus because of one’s deep-seated resentment toward one’s mother.
Paganism, the worship of gods, and myths dominated humanity’s religious experience for millennia. Eventually, a profound shift occurred, and monotheism prevailed. It seemed as though one God was all humanity needed.
Yet, we remain captivated by tragedy. Myths have become psychology. Narcissus has become a narcissist. Hephaestus is a hidden narcissist. Aphrodite is the alluring, playful, and boundless figure. Today, gods and goddesses have become personality disorders.
Tragedy has become a dysfunction.
For this reason, God may never be enough for the narcissist. It is likely that the narcissist’s pagan drama, his worship of gods, and his desire to be worshipped in turn, will never give way to the freedom and power of one true God. Instead, the narcissist is condemned to live an eternal tragedy within his own pantheon, seething with rage at the treacherous Hera and utterly incapable of satisfying Aphrodite’s unbridled lust.
