In the jungle of romantic relationships, I often observe a peculiar pairing that has recently captured my attention: a stunningly beautiful woman and a man who appears embarrassed.

At first glance, the man seems to be outshining his partner, and that might be enough for most people.

But I’m not naive. I view these pairings through the lens of hard-won experience and a deep understanding of personality disorders. So, what I see isn’t one narcissist, but two—with a unique difference. One looks, speaks, and acts like a narcissist, but isn’t, while the other doesn’t appear narcissistic at all, but is, in fact, one.

That’s right, in this pairing, we have a wolf in sheep’s clothing dating a lamb in wolf’s clothing—and both are deceiving each other.

The Wicked Woman And Her Man

What amazes me about the women in such relationships isn’t just their beauty, but also their slender figures, graceful movements, and apparent coolness. They are often elegantly dressed with impeccable makeup. Every detail of their appearance seems meticulously planned. They make no sudden movements, reveal no emotions, and show no sign of insecurity. They remain calm and composed at all times, an eerie tranquility. They possess exceptionally strong builds and often incorporate pieces of menswear into their style. Trousers, a suit jacket—something that sends the message that you’re not dealing with a “feminine” woman.

Even with their outward coolness, they still exude a certain sex appeal. But not the overflowing, seductive kind; rather, the repressed kind, caged. You can see it, but you can’t feel it or reach it. This captivating woman is like a model in a magazine. She is alluring, stunning, and beautiful beyond imagination, with a captivating sparkle. But that’s all that remains of her. You can only look.

Then I turned my gaze to her friend, and I was overcome with a feeling of unease at the first thought that came to my mind: I felt as if I were looking at a mother with her young son.

Outdoing Himself

Compared to his perfectly groomed and beautiful girlfriend, there seems to be something off about this man. Perhaps he wears mismatched clothes in clashing colors. While his girlfriend wears carefully chosen outfits and accessories, he seems to throw on whatever he can find. On other occasions, he too is dressed elegantly, but it looks as though he isn’t wearing it, as if he didn’t choose it himself. Ironically, it resembles her outfit.

Her flawless face looks like it came straight out of a magazine, showing no signs of fatigue. His wrinkled face, on the other hand, looks tired and uneven. His eyes seem sad, and his demeanor suggests a lack of self-confidence. He might be thin and tall like a boy, with a stern mouth. His girlfriend seems unfazed, with only the occasional faint smile. Most telling of all: he lags behind her, who walks with a wide stride, always ahead of them. It’s as if she completely controls him.

Just looking at the surface, it’s baffling. An uninformed observer might wonder: What is she doing with him? To answer this question, we must look beyond the outward appearance of this strange pair and delve into their psyches.

Alpha/Beta Ping Pong

The key to understanding the psychology of a deceptive woman lies in her eyes. They are often sharp and piercing, yet seething with hidden anger.

These women typically come from matriarchal households with weak or absent fathers. Their mothers were often strikingly attractive in their youth, with a similarly fierce temperament. That is, once you get to know them and touch their vulnerabilities, their apparent calm and coolness quickly transform into a raging fire. Their sudden sting proves to be poisonous.

Related : The Part Of Us Which Invites Narcissistic Abuse

Over time, the picture becomes clear. The deceptive woman has a history of dating highly masculine or successful men—as well as their weaker counterparts. The glamorous woman claims to yearn for a man who can absorb her intense emotions, but she inevitably encounters such men. After all, men with a commanding personality tend to act as men with a commanding personality do: they set boundaries and enforce them. This becomes too much for her, so she gets angry and leaves.

While she’s healing, she decides to look for someone “more secure.” She meets an eccentric man, but one who is attractive and handsome in his own way. This man adds an air of mystery to their relationship. He might be an artist or a successful businessman. His lifestyle and sexuality are unconventional. He is attractive enough to capture the glamorous woman’s attention. Best of all, he isn’t rude or prescriptive like those arrogant, commanding men.

Unlike those men, this man is captivated by the glamorous woman. He sees her and treats her like a queen, as she knows she is. He seems to agree with everything she suggests. He is understanding and empathetic to her feelings. She feels safe with him, so much so that she shares her hopes and dreams for the future. Strangely enough, he wants the same things.

But she’s not naive. Her mind is working hard, analyzing everything about him. Although he seems to be living a fairly normal life, a closer look reveals that he’s rather introverted. He has friends and hobbies, but they’re superficial. There’s nothing she can’t convince him to give up.

The girl and her new boyfriend go on numerous dates, sharing deep memories of their past relationships and childhood traumas. Nothing is off-limits: their sex lives, their disappointments, their deepest desires. The young man reveals to her that his relationship with his family is troubled. His relationship with his mother is particularly strained. That’s a good thing, an inner voice in her head tells her. It makes him malleable. He can be flexible enough to fit her plans.

An atmosphere of melancholy and a sense of vulnerability surround him. The cunning woman knows that his self-confidence is fragile, masking his vulnerability. It’s evident in his face. She feels she can easily control and manipulate him.

The cunning woman believes she has found the perfect man; the ideal combination of her dream man and a “safe” man who can be controlled. The perfect compromise. If she can’t subdue strong men, she’ll choose this one. She has set her trap.

But what she doesn’t know is that she is walking into a trap. Not only is her new lover’s confidence false, but their entire relationship is a fantasy designed specifically for her. She is about to become attached to a hidden narcissist. A man who hides an emptiness in his heart, behind a persona fueled by delusions of grandeur.

And the hidden narcissist, too, is walking into a trap. Date after date, kiss after kiss, lovemaking after lovemaking, a web of intrigue is spun around him by a psychopathic woman.

The “I’ll Fix Him” ​​Woman

At their core, manipulative women suffer from borderline personality disorder—they drown in intense emotions while dreaming of finding a man to lean on. However, they also possess a narcissistic “gift” of false self-importance. And on top of all that, they have a sinister, calculating mind akin to that of psychopaths. But they are neither narcissists nor psychopaths; they possess traits of both, along with their borderline personality disorder.

The manipulative woman tends to be addicted to male attention. She tends to control multiple men simultaneously, even in a long-term relationship. When she feels insecure, she turns to these “dependent” men for comfort and reassurance. If her lover misbehaves, she incites other men against him to hurt and punish him.

This behavior reveals a woman’s paradoxical love-hate relationship with masculinity. Her hatred of men stems from her childhood, a consequence of her father’s emotional, and often physical, absence. The covert narcissist she chooses is often a mirror image of her own incompetent and immature father. While her father’s failures sow the seeds of her hatred for men, it is her mother who nurtures this hatred with her words.

The woman’s mother trains her daughter in the art of manipulating and controlling the men in her life. As is typical of an authoritarian mother, she views men as tools to be used. When their masculinity is useful, she encourages it. But if she perceives it as a threat, she shames and belittles them to subdue them.

This strategy almost always fails with a true “alpha” man, who does not tolerate any attack on his masculinity for long. The covert narcissist, on the other hand, harbors a toxic swamp of shame and suffers from low self-esteem. Above all, he is captivated by and emotionally attached to the domineering woman. Whenever he misbehaves or deviates from the norm, she brings him back to his senses. Unlike the overt narcissist, the covert narcissist’s facade is fragile and easily molded to the domineering woman’s will.

As for the covert narcissist’s obvious flaws, the domineering woman believes she can fix them. The covert narcissist is like an old, dilapidated house, but one that can be renovated. The domineering woman encourages her covert narcissist to pursue success in ways that serve her interests. She also controls his appearance, forcing him to dress and groom himself according to her taste.

In many ways, the woman tries to transform the covert narcissist into the kind of man she wished her father had been. Her entire relationship with him is like a compulsive reenactment, a reenactment of her own childhood, with a flawed man replacing her flawed father, giving her a chance to correct her mistakes.

As for the hidden narcissist, a similar story emerges.

Mr. “I’ll Save Her”

Above all, the hidden narcissist sees his mother in the glamorous woman. He is drawn to her personality, which resembles his mother’s. He is especially attracted to the unique way she conceals her love, which also mirrors his mother’s behavior. All of this happens subconsciously.

The final piece of the puzzle is the glamorous woman’s apparent perfection. She is attractive, experienced, intelligent, and strong—just as his mother was when he was a child. In his inflated ego, where he feels so special, the glamorous woman is the perfect woman who completes his world. After all, the narcissist will settle for nothing less than perfection. And the glamorous woman does indeed appear perfect.

Having suffered humiliation, neglect, rejection, control, and exploitation at the hands of his mother, the narcissist recreates his childhood with the glamorous woman. And what a glamorous woman she is! With her formidable energy, sharp judgment, and coldness, she quickly shatters the hidden narcissist and reduces him to the boy he once was. Over time, his defenses crumble, his identity fades, and he merges with the alluring woman, much like he did in his youth. This relationship creates the perfect conditions for the hidden narcissist to relive his childhood.

Herein lies the need for a closer look. As the relationship warms, the alluring woman gradually reveals her troubled side. Her most vulnerable side, the one she hides in public, emerges. She confides her fears and weaknesses to the hidden narcissist. She shares the pain inflicted upon her by the “abusive” men of her past. Finally, she has found a man different from those men. Compassionate. Intelligent. Capable. This time, things will be different.

By portraying herself as helpless and a victim, the cunning woman activates the hidden narcissist’s latent savior complex, fueled by his ego. His doubts and shame dissipate, and his inner hero emerges. He feels euphoric and powerful, as if he were invincible. He revels in the idea of ​​being the man the cunning woman never found. Finally, he would live up to her expectations.

But who exactly was “she”?

His mother, of course. The woman he could never please. The woman who would never accept him, never love him. The wounded woman who hid behind a cold, indifferent facade. The woman drowning in her own trauma, whom he couldn’t save no matter how hard he tried. This time, he wouldn’t fail. The cunning woman would have the man she couldn’t have for her mother.

Let The Farce Begin

A relationship between a domineering woman and a covert narcissist is a recipe for failure. The covert narcissist quickly disappoints the domineering woman’s desire for a strong, controlling man—the kind of man she never had. As the months pass, the domineering woman realizes that the man she once saw as a “fixer” has crumbled under her control, proving to be nothing more than a broken boy.

In a moment of disgust, the domineering woman turns her attention to the men close to her. She tries desperately to compare the covert narcissist to them, flirting with them in front of him or constantly comparing him to them. She repeatedly reminds him of his inferiority, his worthlessness, and how disappointed he is. This strikes at his deepest wounds. What began as a dream turns into a terrible nightmare. Her disappointment exposes his flaws once again. Once again, he is a failure.

Ultimately, the covert narcissist can’t take it anymore. He belittles the woman and tries to end the relationship. The woman succumbs to her intense fear of abandonment, changing her stance and begging him not to leave. Sometimes, he finds the strength to escape. Other times, the relationship spirals into a cycle of abandonment and reconciliation that can last for years, escalating manipulation and pain, and revealing the psychopathic tendencies of the hidden narcissist.

The result is utter chaos that defies belief. Both parties ultimately lose from this experience, their trust eroded. The cunning woman feels deceived and lied to, while the hidden narcissist leaves feeling vulnerable and broken, desperately needing to regain his sense of self-importance just to survive and live another perfect day.