When a sense of grandeur becomes detached from reality and transforms into a pathological condition, a narcissist is formed. However, a sense of grandeur is inherent in every human being.
We all need a basic sense of entitlement to meet our needs and even dare to dream big. But we must respect the rights of others and pursue our dreams realistically. This is healthy narcissism.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a post-traumatic condition rooted in complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). However, borderline personality disorder (BPD) is also rooted in complex PTSD. Interestingly, narcissism alleviates many of the symptoms of BPD. Emotional instability, aggressive behavior, suicidal thoughts, mood swings, and fear of abandonment—narcissism significantly reduces these symptoms through one solution: the false self.
The false self is based on a sense of grandeur and a permanent detachment from reality. While a person with BPD has weaknesses in their defenses, their false self is very tightly controlled. While narcissists may be impulsive, withdrawn, and sensitive to rejection and abandonment, they rarely experience these feelings with the same intensity as someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Someone with BPD is like a wounded person without a bandage, whereas a narcissist has a bandage in the form of a “false self.” If you press too hard on their wound, they will feel pain.
The primary vulnerability of the “false self” lies in its need for narcissistic gratification. Narcissists don’t fear abandonment as much as they fear losing this gratification. If a narcissist is humiliated or loses this gratification, they may exhibit symptoms of BPD. But the more resilient the “false self,” the more it can withstand trauma. In the worst cases, a narcissist may resort to masturbation, fantasies, and detachment from reality to find gratification. In extreme cases, when the false self is severely attacked or loses a vital source of support, the narcissist may regress to full-blown borderline personality disorder (BPD).
A narcissist is mostly a narcissist, and when their false self is supported, they rarely exhibit BPD traits. But all individuals with BPD have an incomplete false self. They all exhibit some degree of grandiosity—they didn’t complete their narcissistic project in childhood.
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Some individuals with BPD have weak defenses in childhood, but eventually get the chance to complete their narcissistic false selves in adulthood. An example is an individual with BPD whose parents experienced conflict and divorce in their childhood. When the divorce is finalized and the wounds heal, things calm down somewhat. Only then does the individual with BPD absorb the grandiosity of their narcissistic parent. So, this person has a borderline core, but with a narcissistic veneer.
Many individuals with BPD experience delusions of grandeur. They see the world as a playground and often become lost in their own self-absorption. But because they aren’t entirely narcissistic, this state often breaks down, and they revert to their borderline personality.
There are some telltale signs of narcissism, including the absence of some symptoms and the presence of others. However, people with borderline personality disorder, especially during crises, may experience periods of narcissistic behavior, which can raise questions about whether or not they are narcissists.
