After the initial euphoria of realization fades, as you awaken to the truth and distance yourself from the narcissist, a heavy feeling may overwhelm you, threatening to drag you into a terrifying abyss.

Grief is a healing balm that restores balance to the self, paving the way for a new version of yourself to emerge. It is an essential part of recovering from narcissistic abuse.

Death Before Rebirth

During your relationship with the narcissist, you were attached to an inflated image—the narcissist’s false self. The narcissist presented you with a confident, invincible figure who possessed all the answers and was capable of conspiring with you to create a fantasy future: perfect love, success, family—anything you dared to dream of.

The narcissist also knew the “right” way to live. They evaluated your every move, suggesting what you should do more of and what you should stop doing. They questioned everything about you they didn’t like, even your friends and family.

You became attached to the narcissist’s arrogant, conceited, and self-assured persona. Meanwhile, the identity you brought into the relationship gradually eroded. You were reprogrammed to fit the narcissist’s inflated view of life and, above all, of yourself.

This identity, built into your mind, body, and soul by the narcissist—an identity designed to serve their self-worship—is now crumbling. Because it was created for a specific and unique purpose, its very reason for existence—the narcissist themselves—has vanished.

Related : How Narcissists Teach You To Self-Deprecate And Self-Censor

Your ego drew security, confidence, purpose, and hope from the narcissist’s false self, and now it wants them all back. The ego doesn’t care about the source of your identity; it simply insists on possessing it. It doesn’t realize that you can rebuild yourself in a more independent, mature, and empowered way.

This is the essence of realizing your personal strength. Acknowledging what has happened and allowing your old identity to fade away is an extremely painful stage, but it is essential in the healing journey.

Stages Of Grief

Before you can rebuild your life, you must grieve. It is best to bring your awareness to this weight, to broaden your horizons, and to accept the depression in all its intensity.

Set aside time each day to pay attention to any feeling of heaviness, for as long as you can bear it. Notice its intensity. Where in your body does it manifest? In your chest? In your throat or face? What does it crave? What memories does it evoke? Do you feel the urgency, the despair that pervades your situation? And, most importantly, do you feel the terror of facing death head-on? Allow it all to happen.

Let your face relax, let your shoulders slump, allow yourself to grieve and be depressed as you need. This feeling will be unbearable, but it is the way. The only way. Don’t think about it or analyze it; just observe it and let it happen. When you think it will never end, it will begin to transform.

But this may take days, weeks, or months. For now, set aside time each day for this exercise. When you feel overwhelmed, which is inevitable at first, get up and do something that brings you relaxation and joy. Take a warm bath, spend time with a close friend, watch your favorite TV show, go for a walk, or exercise. When you feel refreshed, return to the weight of your emotions and sit there—be aware of them.

This may seem like obvious advice, but the ego has a way of deceiving us into avoiding our sadness. Remember now the importance of taking care of yourself. Keep reminding yourself every day. No matter how intense the pain, stay present. Give yourself the time, space, and peace to move beyond your grief. Be certain that when this effort is over, the sun will rise again, and the darkness within you will fade.

Then your spiritual growth will begin.