Just as you surrendered your power to a narcissist, they continue to control you through your anger. What they say, how they act, how they treat you, what they do, the decisions they make—you’ve decided that the narcissist can exploit your anger in this way.
Anger is an unpleasant emotion, and it’s also socially stigmatized. Anger itself is considered “immoral.” However, being angry at someone absolves us of this immorality. They’ve done something wrong, and therefore, we have the right to feel angry.
Anger is an emotional energy that needs an outlet. There’s no escaping it. You can suppress your anger, deny it, and reject it, but it will express itself in one way or another. Passive aggression. Physical illness. Seeking out an enemy and directing your anger at them.
What if you changed your perspective? What if you started convincing yourself that it’s okay to feel angry? Instead of directing your anger at someone, why not simply set aside time and space to feel angry? How does it feel? Can you breathe deeply, relax, and explore it with curiosity? Can you see it simply as an emotional energy within you? Can you claim ownership of this energy?
Practicing anger is the foundation of change. The temptation to direct anger at someone, in thought or deed, is very strong, especially if you’ve been doing it for years. If your mind takes over and creates angry thoughts, that’s okay. Observe these thoughts, but more importantly, focus your attention on the anger itself. Welcome it.
Related : A Narcissist Deserves Empathy — But Not Yours
Practice self-care while dealing with anger. It may have psychosomatic effects when you begin to accept it: nausea, pain, trembling, shaking.
Take your time.
Eventually, you will have absorbed a significant portion of your anger. When you reach this point, you can decide who to direct your anger at. You can use your anger to set boundaries, to say “no,” and to express your needs.
When you master the art of controlling your anger, you will be able to express it smoothly and skillfully. You won’t explode in anger and regret it later. You won’t be trapped in an endless cycle of angry thoughts. You won’t come across as an angry person. You’ll simply show others that you’re serious about your position, and that your anger stems from a firm conviction. More often than not, people will respect you and feel safe in your presence.
What a liberating feeling!
