Many rumors circulate online that narcissists are swaggering, manipulative, and plotting evil deeds all day long.
But looking at the map of Cluster B personality disorders, the reality is far more complex. Narcissists with antisocial personality disorder have malicious and deliberate intentions; they are called malignant narcissists. Borderline narcissists possess empathy and only harm others out of fear of abandonment and emotional instability. Histrionic narcissists seek attention and desire. In short, each narcissist has different motivations.
Narcissism itself is not necessarily evil; rather, it is a compensatory strategy for chronic emotional neglect. Narcissists have never been seen, which has led to intense shame and anxiety, and a deep-seated feeling that they are unlovable. This has been incredibly painful for them, so they have created a “special” version of themselves that is worthy of being seen—at least in their imagination. While this causes narcissists a great deal of pain and confusion for those around them, it is not always intentional or malicious. Many narcissists strive to live within a moral framework, but their fragmented selves become too impulsive to control.
There are also schizoid narcissists, who generally tend toward isolation. Their narcissism eventually drives them to seek gratification, but after hurting someone or experiencing emotional pain in a relationship, they retreat into their isolation for an extended period.
Related : Are Narcissists Impulsive?
Malignant narcissists cause a great deal of stigma and confusion. The narcissist’s cycle of glorifying, then belittling, and then abandoning others inflicts immense pain on those they woo and then cruelly ignore. Furthermore, narcissists compensate for their psychological distress and detachment from reality by creating new versions of reality to fill the void, making them feel normal and in control. This is known as psychological manipulation.
This leads us to the conclusion that narcissists who are not psychopathic, or some narcissists with less severe tendencies, may exhibit toxic symptoms without necessarily being malicious or intentional. They may not be able to change their core nature, but they are capable of modifying their outward behavior and developing mechanisms to ensure they don’t destroy their own lives or the lives of those around them.
This is often difficult to achieve.
