We all recognize a manipulator the moment we see them—our intuition. We feel something uneasy about them, but it remains hidden deep down.
Our minds hide this truth. The ego is a machine for fulfilling needs, and that’s all it cares about. If you have a deep need for validation, connection, and a sense of importance, you’ll ignore your intuition and push yourself toward the manipulator, even if it harms you in the long run.
We make such mistakes because manipulators, in order to control us, pay close attention to what we crave and shower us with it. Your ego, knowing you crave these things, will convince you to ignore your intuition and cooperate with the manipulator.
The manipulator will make you the center of their world (a sense of importance), listen attentively to what you say (connection), and shower you with praise while agreeing with you (valuing you). Once they succeed in winning you over and gaining your sympathy, they exploit you for their own ends.
So, to quickly identify a manipulative person, you need a two-pronged strategy:
Be aware of the gap between your ego, which seeks to fulfill its needs, and the emptiness you feel deep down.
Identify your core needs and develop a thoughtful and effective strategy to meet them.
Do you need connection? Join a social group of like-minded people or participate in a course that interests you, such as a dance class or yoga retreat. To protect yourself from manipulative people in these environments, avoid getting too attached or seeing that person more than once a week. If you find yourself thinking about or communicating with someone daily, you are vulnerable to manipulation. Maintain regular, meaningful contact with many different people, and don’t rely on just one person.
Related : Moving Through The Dark Night Of The Soul
Do you need validation? Ask for honest feedback instead. Work on building a friendship based on complete honesty. This grounds the relationship and helps you understand your boundaries. If someone can offer you constructive criticism, their approval carries deeper meaning because they know you well and can be honest with you. Offer approval to one another, but only when you deserve it and can justify it. This requires a desire for equality and a healthy sense of humility.
Are you searching for meaning? Think about ways you can contribute to the world and add value. It’s nice to be praised and complimented for no reason, but true satisfaction comes from being appreciated for your efforts to bring value to the world. Do it out of love, and don’t hesitate to appreciate the love in return.
In short, manipulators exploit our unmet basic needs for their own ends. Develop a healthy strategy to meet those needs—a strategy you control—and your ego will fade. Consequently, your intuition won’t overwhelm you when it warns you of malicious intent from the person you’re dealing with.
