True relationships are formed when two people connect from the depths of their being. In an atmosphere of intimacy, each sees the other as they truly are, with their flaws and strengths. They feel and empathize with each other, becoming emotionally connected. Each weaves the essence of the other, layer by layer, thread by thread, experience by experience, day by day. The relationship is built on honesty. It is a strong spiritual fortress.
Breaking free from it is incredibly difficult.
In the case of a narcissist, you were nothing more than an idea, and your relationship was merely a source of sustenance. They idealized you and were captivated by your perceived perfection. They never truly saw you or felt you. They projected you onto their own image and interacted with you based on that projection.
There was no real risk involved.
A narcissist lives in a fantasy world where they are perfect, and everyone else is either perfect or a perfect provider. Flattery, attention, sex, resources, or anything else a narcissist desires is all they need to reinforce their sense of grandeur.
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If your behavior deviates from what the narcissist considers ideal, the image they’ve constructed of themselves crumbles. Your true self is revealed for a moment. Worse still, it reveals their true self. Without this illusion, the narcissist is nothing but an empty shell. And if that shell cracks, the narcissist is left with a shameful, traumatized, unwanted, and volatile child.
The narcissist never wants to face this reality. So, instead of reflecting, they blame you. Whenever their negative emotions overflow, they unleash them on you through insults, harsh judgments, and denigration. Then, when they can no longer maintain their self-image, they vanish.
It’s like you’re a kitchen appliance; when you stop working for them, the narcissist discards you. Once the illusion is shattered, only the real you remain, and they are left with nothing to show for it.
Familiarity. Vulnerability. Normality. Authenticity. The narcissist hates all of it. They haven’t invested any of their true self in it. She didn’t exist in his soul as a real person. It was all just a trick.
