Sexual desire is a life force. Whether you’ve been having sex for a while, derive your self-worth from being sexually desirable, or even use sex to cope with emotional pain, there’s another way.
Sexual desire can be channeled in countless ways into a multitude of creative practices. Start by sitting with this feeling. Focus on it in your body. Enjoy your arousal. You are alive, and life energy is flowing through you. This is wonderful.
Instead of viewing your sexual arousal as a hindrance, or something you need to “get rid of,” see it as a power flowing within you. Do you really want to give this power away to your narcissistic ex? This simple shift in thinking can have a tremendous transformative effect.
At first, the change won’t be drastic; you’ll just feel uncomfortable. During this initial phase, breathe deeply and let the feeling flow. Get used to absorbing it into your awareness. Be present with it.
At this stage, you might feel an overwhelming urge to masturbate, thinking you’re “relieving yourself.” But this means giving up your energy for moments of pleasure and a sudden dopamine rush. Do you really want that? So, avoid masturbation as much as possible.
Over time, you’ll naturally begin to direct your energy toward non-sexual activities. You might notice waking up earlier or no longer experiencing frequent energy dips throughout the day. You’ll feel motivated to do simple things. You’ll develop a strong desire to learn and accomplish tasks you usually neglect.
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Above all: Set a conscious intention to improve your sex life. If you’ve been through a difficult time with your ex-partner, dedicate yourself to learning how to build better relationships and take practical steps to heal. Read voraciously. Practice meditation. Try different breathing exercises to regulate your nervous system and control your sexual urges. Try new activities. Meet new people. As you progress on your gender transition journey, your motivation will grow. It happens gradually, but it does happen.
With gender transition, you’ll be filled with vitality and a zest for life. Doesn’t this seem better than that feeling of emptiness and void that overcomes you after a hopeless, fleeting relationship with your ex? And who knows, instead of becoming addicted to the person who made your life miserable, you might become addicted to abstaining from sex, preferring to improve your life.
