There are two types of narcissists in the world: the overt narcissist and the covert narcissist. Both crave attention and praise, but in different ways. The overt narcissist is arrogant, haughty, and outgoing in his or her behavior. The covert narcissist, on the other hand, feels unworthy, lacks confidence, is full of self-doubt, and is more introverted.
As a result, covert narcissists are difficult to spot. Covert narcissists are shy and, therefore, subtle in their actions. In fact, many of us won’t know them until we are in a close relationship with them. However, there are some weird things that covert narcissists do that can help us spot them.
11 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do
- They Steal Your Spark
One of the first weird things that covert narcissists do is steal your spark. Covert narcissists don’t brag about their alleged accomplishments in the same way that overt narcissists do. Overt narcissists demand that you pay attention to their latest stories.
Related : 11 Things That Happen When You Discard the Narcissist First
Covert narcissists love to ride on your knees or jump on your bandwagon with their own outrageous stories. Whatever you tell them, they’ll supplement it with something more exciting or entertaining. For example, if you donated to charity, they completed the Iron Man Challenge, raising thousands in the process.
- They Reveal Their Trauma Early
It doesn’t matter if you’re a friend, a potential love interest, or a colleague. Talking about trauma early in a relationship is another weird thing that covert narcissists do.
They’re very open about past traumatic events after a brief encounter. Covert narcissists have no problem recounting the most horrific details shortly after you meet them. They do this to gain your sympathy and trust.
- They Have a Weird Way of Apologizing
Narcissists don’t apologize because nothing is their fault. However, covert narcissists have a strange way of apologizing. They are often long, and they go around, and they are a way of explaining their unacceptable behavior. They will discuss how their life traumas have shaped them.
Make no mistake, they will tug at your heartstrings. That is the point, of course. You will find that the apology will be very harsh for their actions, forcing you to empathize.
- They won’t try anything new
We all have foods we don’t eat, or music we don’t like, but we are not afraid to try something new to see if we like it. Covert narcissists refuse to try anything new.
They are picky about what they eat, what they wear, where they go, and even sex. Everything has to be perfect for them to have regular sex, with no deviation at all.
- They are constantly underestimating themselves
Shame and self-loathing rule the minds of covert narcissists, so they do not overestimate themselves as overt narcissists do. Instead, they put themselves down in the hope that you will encourage them with compliments and reassuring messages.
If you don’t take the hint when they’re putting themselves down and giving the desired response, they may explode in anger, leaving you wondering what just happened.
- But they portray themselves as saints
Covert narcissists will happily tell you all the times they’ve helped someone. Donating money, volunteering, building, crafting, donating things to friends, family, or strangers. At first, they’ll impress you with their kindness and compassion. And of course, helping others isn’t a red flag.
But as you get to know them, they’ll start complaining that they’re not taken seriously or appreciated and it all becomes more of a “poor me, I’m so good but I’m treated so badly.”
- They use “black and white” thinking
One of the weird things covert narcissists do is use extreme language or “black and white” thinking. For example, if something bothers them, you “always” do this or “you never care about them.” The world is unbelievable or hellish. Women are either great or bad. There is no gray area or nuance with a covert narcissist.
- They hold onto the smallest grudges
Something you don’t remember becomes the focus of their anger in seconds. It’s as if they keep notes about every little thing you did wrong that upset them. Even if they say it wasn’t a problem and that they’ve gotten over it, it’s clear that they haven’t. They may pretend to be okay with something, only to bring it up again months, if not years later.
This behavior occurs during the devaluing phase of a relationship with a narcissist. This is a manipulation technique designed to make you feel insecure. You’re trying to appease the narcissist and your efforts only result in them reverting to the idealization phase.
- They’re happy/unhappy with your success
You may expect your partner to be happy with your success, and at first, it seems like they are. However, this comes at a cost. The enthusiasm they initially display for you quickly fades into resentment, jealousy, and bitterness.
Related : 14 Signs a Narcissist Is Playing Mind Games With You
This is because covert narcissists are extremely envious of other people’s talents, accomplishments, etc. So while they may initially seem like your greatest supporter, they will quickly become angry and complaining until the focus returns to them.
- They are experts at passive-aggressive behavior
Many people are passive-aggressive. However, this is one of the main weird things that covert narcissists do. Because of their low self-esteem, covert narcissists are afraid of direct confrontation.
Therefore, they use passive-aggressive techniques instead of dealing with conflict. They will avoid talking face-to-face but are happy to engineer situations to put you in the wrong. For example, they will deliberately tell you the wrong time to meet for dinner, and then berate you for being late.
- They love to blame you for the mistake
Covert narcissists don’t like fighting, however, they will stir up arguments by accusing you of something you didn’t do. This is another form of manipulation, designed to make you question your memory or reality. It won’t matter if you stay calm and collected.
In fact, it will only make them more angry. They will accuse you of being a cruel person if you refuse to deal with them.
Final Thoughts
As you can see, there are a lot of strange things that covert narcissists do, either to manipulate you, to get your attention or sympathy, or simply to boost their self-esteem. If you have any experience with them, why not tell us?
