Narcissists only think about one thing: themselves. But no relationship can survive such a one-sided, selfish partnership, so narcissists must resort to manipulative tactics like emotional manipulation and pathological lying to maintain the facade.
However, there comes a point when their partner realizes they are in a toxic relationship and walks away. So, what happens when you cut the narcissist out of your life? Narcissists have lost their narcissistic supply, which they invested time and nurtured. They are unlikely to let you go easily.
What Happens When You Cut the Narcissist Out First?
It is important to remember that narcissists view their partners as property. They own you. You have no rights unless it is in the narcissist’s best interest. They decide when the relationship ends, not you. You do not have permission to leave.
Related : 14 Signs a Narcissist Is Playing Mind Games With You
When thinking about what happens when you get rid of a narcissist, keep in mind that they fall into two groups:
Grandior_or_Vulnerable_Narcissists
Grandior narcissists have a huge ego and a huge sense of self-worth. Their unwavering belief in their own greatness leads to an incredible sense of entitlement. This type of narcissist doesn’t need anyone to validate their importance; they just want an audience to play to, so they get angry when you get rid of them.
How dare you! They’re the best thing that ever happened to you, and you don’t respect them?
Vulnerable narcissists are fragile and desperate. They have low self-esteem, and they desperately crave attention to boost their delicate egos. Vulnerable narcissists need constant reassurance, and they need people around them to validate their self-worth. This type of narcissist fears rejection because it confirms their self-loathing and paranoia.
Each type of narcissist will react to being dumped in different ways. Here are 11 things that happen when you dump a narcissist first.
11 things that happen when you dump a narcissist first
- They beg you to come back
A narcissist, whether arrogant or weak, can’t handle a lack of control, so when you dump them, they’ll have to respond. However, a weak narcissist is the most likely to beg you not to end the relationship. By ending the relationship, you’re admitting to their worst fears; they don’t deserve love, and everyone hates them.
- They love to bomb you
Narcissists don’t care about contacting you if they dump you. This is because they’re in control.
But if you walk away, they’ve lost that control. They don’t care about the relationship, they care about that control. They’ll have to get you back. One tactic is love bombing, where they’ll bombard you with undying love letters, fake apologies, and promises to change.
- They threaten suicide
Some narcissists go to extremes when you dump them.
Online forums dealing with narcissistic partners highlight the crazy things they do, for example, screaming and shouting, sitting in a daze for days, refusing to take prescribed medication, threatening to drive off a bridge or into traffic, trips to A&E for suspected overdoses and much more.
- They deceive you about the relationship
One of the things that happens when you first dump a narcissist is that they will resort to tried and tested tactics that worked during the relationship to get you back.
They will trick you into thinking why the relationship failed, in the hope of convincing you that they are not responsible. They lie about the things they did to make you doubt your memory of past events. The result is that you doubt your memory.
- They will blame you for everything
Grandstanding narcissists will not give up. They will come back and attack you. It will be all about them, how you ruined their life, how it’s all your fault, how heartless you are for leaving them. Nothing is ever their fault.
Related : How Does a Narcissist React When They Can’t Control You? 15 Things to Expect
It’s always about how life is a struggle for them, how unfair it is to them, and now you ruined it. They are the real victim.
- They try to make you jealous by bragging about a new relationship
Vulnerable, arrogant narcissists use envy to get your attention. They will brag about a new relationship (or narcissistic supply) by posting it all over social media. They will find their soulmate, the true love of their life, and talk about how great it is.
Narcissists don’t thrive on their own. Their parasitic lifestyle requires them to feed off others. Bragging about a new partner does two things: It shows you that they no longer need you and it makes you jealous at the same time.
- They Tell You They’ve Changed
Narcissists will try to convince you that they’ve changed, and that they deserve a second chance. They’ll manipulate you in any way they can to reconnect. They’ll guilt you or use your vulnerabilities against you. Nothing is off-limits. This is a form of scam, designed to get you back into the relationship.
- They Target Your Friends and Family
Another form of scam is to lure in your friends and family. This is a passive but no less disturbing way to get your attention.
Narcissists will stop at nothing to regain connection and control. They may tell you how worried they are about you, or that they have something important to discuss with you. They’ll try everything.
- They Play the Victim
If the narcissist is unsuccessful in their attempts, they will talk bad about you instead. Narcissists are pathological liars and will spread lies about you. They will play the victim.
The narcissist will twist the story of your relationship to anyone who will listen. They will tell people that you are emotionally unstable and that they only stayed with you out of the kindness of their heart. They are the ones who gave you a second chance when in reality, they were begging you to come back.
- They Devalue You
One strategy narcissists use is to devalue you when you first dump the narcissist. First, they set you up by love-bombing you into a relationship; that’s the perfect part, and then they devalue you before dumping you.
Related : 9 Reasons Why You Keep Attracting Narcissists
Narcissists hate to be let go. They don’t care that the relationship is over (it’s not over until they say so). While you’re trying to extricate yourself from the relationship as gently as possible, they will turn into a bad person.
- They’ll Rage in a Narcissistic Rage
Have you ever witnessed a narcissistic rage? It’s scary to watch the mask slip. Narcissists project a false image to the world. They think they’re special and entitled to whatever they want, so when you present the narcissist with a setback or truth about a situation, they will erupt in a rage.
This rage is completely disproportionate to the perceived slight. It’s dramatic and shocking.
FinalThoughts
When you first dump a narcissist, they will use anything they can to regain control, but there’s only one thing you can do. Experienced people advise no contact. The thing to remember is that to a narcissist, you’re just an object. They don’t care about you. You’ll never be their priority.
If you’re having a hard time staying out of contact, write down a list of all the times he’s hurt you. Then when he tries to get you back into a relationship, pull out that list and ask yourself if you want to go through this again. Because it’s never going to get any better.
