The child grows up and becomes an expert observer of his parents’ behavior. When their behavior has a proven pattern of harm or destruction, a line must be drawn to stop the generational transmission of trauma.

Here are 5 common reasons why an adult might take a child away from their grandparent, according to experts:

1. Grandpa is not safe

In my experience, adults may choose to keep their children away from their grandparents because the grandparent is not safe. This may mean physical or emotional security. Physical harm might come from a grandparent who doesn’t drive safely, drinks alcohol, isn’t cognitively intelligent, or doesn’t make a good decision, for example. The lack of emotional security is likely rooted in the parents’ childhood memories where their parents were abusive or neglectful. For example, an adult may not want their child to be exposed to the narcissism, manipulation, negativity, or emotional chaos they experienced as a child with said grandparent.

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2. To prevent generational trauma from continuing

One common reason an adult might remove their child from their grandparents is to prevent generational trauma from continuing. This decision could stem from the grandparent displaying harmful behaviors such as racism, homophobia, or sexism, or simply being emotionally hurtful. Many adults reflect on their traumatic experiences during childhood, experiences that may have led to lasting trauma, and difficulties in interpersonal relationships. As children, they were unable to protect themselves from these negative influences, but as parents, they have the opportunity to protect their children from similar harm. This protective instinct is a powerful incentive to prevent the same trauma from affecting the next generation.

3. The relationship is built on fear

There is a fear that the grandparent will not keep the child safe or a fear that the grandparent will have behaviors or habits whether it be anger, drugs, alcohol, etc.

4. There is a lack of trust

There is a clear lack of trust. This ranges from feeling that their parents never respect their rules towards their children to more extreme situations (such as domestic violence or narcissism), where some adults do not want their parents to treat their children the way they were treated as children.

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5. Grandpa goes beyond limits

There are no perfect parents or grandparents, but some behaviors are completely unacceptable. After a mother began dealing with health complications that prevented her from properly caring for her son, her mother stepped in to care for him. When the mother was finally able to bring her son home, she was stunned to hear him calling his grandmother “mama.” The mother prevented her mother from seeing her son after she discovered that she had deliberately convinced the boy that she was his real mother.

More and more people are becoming intolerant of the ongoing negative effects of harmful parenting and behavior. Especially when the person who has been harmed refuses to acknowledge their contribution to the problems, these unhealthy behaviors are often the result of intergenerational trauma passed down from parent to child.

When a person who experienced childhood neglect or abuse begins to recover from the harmful effects of the past, they realize the importance of protecting their well-being from future harm and often choose to distance themselves from the abusive or neglectful parent. When they become parents themselves, they will expand these boundaries to protect their children from potential harm from a grandparent who is still stuck in past trauma.