A little jealousy in a relationship isn’t necessarily harmful, in fact, it can be a gentle reminder that your partner loves you.

But what happens when this jealousy begins to dominate and influence daily life?

Then things can start to get out of control and turn into abusive behavior.

In this article, we will explore 12 crucial signs of excessive jealousy in your partner that you should not ignore. I’ll also be sharing a great resource to support you and your partner at the end, so let’s get started:

1) They are overly possessive
One of the first signs to look out for in an overly jealous partner is possessiveness.

This may start as a form of “protection”… like wanting to accompany you when you go out to meet friends at night, for example.

But soon it will become clear when you can’t seem to do anything on your own anymore!

A jealous partner may take it to the extreme by not wanting to share you with your family and friends – and may resort to picking fights or making you feel bad for not including them in your plans.

And when you can get away from them for a while, the following is likely to happen…

2) They check up on you constantly
Let’s say you went out with your friends, and your partner knows where you are and what time you’ll be back.

That should be enough, right?

After all, you are an adult, you can take care of yourself!

But no, if you are dealing with someone who is overly jealous, he will call and text you multiple times whenever you walk out the front door.

Even when you’re at work, they’ll push the boundaries and want to know who you had lunch with and why you took so long to respond to the last (10) messages.

Quite simply – they want to know exactly where you are and who you’re with (think Emily from Friends).

3) There are “rules”
In addition to constantly monitoring you, an overly jealous partner will also impose certain rules that dictate what you can and cannot do… for example:

• Who do you see?
• Who allows you to talk to him?
• Who you are allowed to be friends with on social media
• Where you can or cannot go

Ultimately, a jealous partner wants to maintain some form of control over you, and by putting rules in place, they can achieve this.

But it’s not healthy, and it shows a) a lack of trust, and b) deep insecurity on your partner’s part.

4) They often accuse you of flirting
Another sign that you should not ignore is that your partner constantly accuses you of flirting…

For example, the waiter brings your food and you smile politely and say thank you – and before you know it, you are being accused of wanting to serve it.

It is important to know that you are not doing anything wrong.

If your partner is extremely jealous, it’s normal for him to view every interaction you have with the opposite sex as flirtatious or inappropriate.

But I understand that when you constantly experience this, it can make you doubt yourself and even wonder if you’re giving off a flirtatious vibe!

5) They check your phone and social media sites

Social media is a jealous partner’s worst nightmare.

It’s also another sign to look for…if your partner:

• It controls who you connect with online
• He wants to know your passwords
• Goes through your messages
• These are all major red flags.

Not only does this show a lack of trust and respect on their part, but it may make you feel violated. After all, your mobile phone and social media are for your personal and private use.

Although sharing a password with a partner is not unusual, it should be your choice and not something you feel obligated to do!

6) They overreact to innocent situations
Another sign you shouldn’t ignore if you’re worried that your partner is jealous is that he’s overreacting to every little situation.

I’ve already given the example of smiling at a waiter/waitress in a restaurant, but the truth is that it can extend to any situation.

A friend of mine once told me that her boyfriend accused her of incest because she held her younger brother “for too long”…

Another said her partner attacked her because he asked a man in the street for directions when they got lost on holiday.

So, if your partner seems to explode in normal, innocent interactions, this is a red flag that you should definitely pay attention to.

7) They try to control your appearance
Does your partner try to control your appearance?

They may get funny with you when you get a haircut or put on makeup.
They may accuse you of dressing a certain way just to get attention (rather than admitting that this is just your style).

The truth is that your partner will act this way because he doesn’t want anyone else to find you attractive.

This is another sign to pay attention to, because it indicates jealousy that has crossed into the extreme side.

Again, this goes back to their own insecurity and trust issues!

8) They don’t trust or believe you
Is your partner constantly skeptical?

We have already established that if they display the above signs, it means they have trust issues.

But this can come across as him never believing what you say.

If you tell them that someone is just a friend, they will stick with it until they get the answer they are looking for, regardless of whether it is the truth or not!

This can lead you to feel like you have to lie.

You may avoid telling them certain things, even completely innocent things, simply because you don’t want to deal with the barrage of questions that will follow.

9) They need constant reassurance
Following on from the previous point, if your partner is overly jealous, he or she will likely need constant reassurance.

I once dated a guy who kept asking me if I found my coworkers more attractive than him.

It became so stressful, that I stopped hanging out with any male friends or colleagues.

Sure, we all need a little validation in our relationships, but if your partner is constantly needing reassurance, it’s a sign that something isn’t right.

10) Quick to anger

Another sign that you should never ignore is if your partner is short-tempered.

This could be a sign of jealousy if they’re usually quite laid back, but go from 0 to 100 when they feel threatened by an attractive person walking by or by talking to a shop assistant.

It’s also something to be extra careful about – a quick temper can easily turn into verbal or physical abuse, especially when easily provoked!

11) They manipulate your feelings
And speaking of abuse – manipulating your emotions is another sign that your partner may be overly jealous.

This might look like this:

Guilt that drives you to do what they want (i.e. dress a certain way)

Which makes you feel bad for going out without them
Make you feel worthless (to destroy your self-esteem)
Pretending to be upset to prevent you from seeing friends or family
This is a common tactic used by jealous people, but believe it or not, it has more to do with their feeling of control than anything you’ve done.

By playing with your emotions, they get what they want, no matter how you feel!

12) They constantly threaten to end the relationship
Finally, you are dealing with an extremely jealous partner if he keeps threatening to end the relationship whenever you do something he doesn’t like.

Let’s say you want to go to your work Christmas party, but your partner doesn’t want you. Instead of sitting down rationally and talking about it, they are likely to:

He accuses you of wanting to flirt with your co-workers
Overreacting to the whole situation
Threatening to break up with you if you go
This is another form of emotional abuse and manipulation, and quite frankly, you shouldn’t have to put up with it!

We all deserve to be free and feel secure in our relationships, without the looming threat of separation from doing normal, everyday things.

We’ve now covered the 12 signs that your partner is overly jealous, so what should you do about it?

How to deal with an overly jealous partner

The truth is, there is very little you can do in this situation that you haven’t already tried.

You may have already wasted months or years trying to reassure your partner, gain his trust, and prove your love.

None of them work because the problems, namely jealousy, come from within. It really has nothing to do with you.

Therefore, real change cannot happen until they make that decision to get help.

This may take some time, so my advice is to protect yourself first and foremost. Remove yourself from the relationship before it gets worse (and it will).

But if you’re determined to stick around and try to work things out, I suggest you watch this free video about love and intimacy.

It’s a real surprise how our insecurities and high expectations show up to our partners…

So, while it won’t solve all your problems overnight, it can empower you while giving your partner some understanding about where their jealousy comes from (and how to start overcoming their fears).