Narcissists inhabit an alternative reality. They value winning, feeling superior, and being the center of attention rather than sympathy, equality, or empathy.
Most narcissists feel extremely insecure. Desperate to avoid feeling ridiculed or not good enough, they try to hide their fears through manipulation and distraction. The last thing they want is to be open or transparent about their motives.
If narcissists were completely honest about how they approach life, they would likely admit that:
- “The truth is all I’m saying at this moment.”
“I’ll change it when it suits me. I don’t need to be consistent. When I speak, I’m 100 percent sure of what I’m saying. It’s amazing how often I convince people that I’m right by speaking with absolute certainty.”
- “I like taking credit but have no interest in taking responsibility.”
“I never apologize or admit I’m wrong. That may sound weak.”
- “I am largely unaware of how my actions affect others.”
“The truth is, I don’t really care. If I get what I want, everything else is collateral damage.”
- “I have an endless hunger for attention and respect.”
“Everything you do for me will never be enough. However, the longer I can keep trying, the better it will be for me.”
- “I consider people disposable.”
“I can be secretive, deceptive, undermine you, or withdraw for no reason. If you leave me, I will replace you as soon as possible and never look back.”
- “I seek status, not equality; victory, not justice.”
“I view most people as either a threat or fools. I consider few people to be my equal. Winning is everything to me. If I feel insulted I will attack you for being unfair. However, I have no intention of playing fair.” with you. “
- “My image is very important.”
“Appearance matters more to me than substance. I’ll do whatever it takes to look good. If it’s at your expense, that’s too bad.”
- “I feel like I have the right to do what I want.”
“The normal rules and restrictions don’t apply to me. Anything goes, if it makes me feel good about myself.”
- “I’m so afraid of being offended.”
“I can’t stand to be seen as flawed, inferior, weak, or a loser. You will pay dearly if you do anything that makes me feel that way.”
While we can sympathize with narcissists and their emotionally barren inner worlds, that doesn’t mean we should allow them to take advantage of us. Learning about a narcissist’s methods and motivations can help you gain perspective and protect yourself.
For example, instead of asking, “Why did he do that?”, you might say, “Of course! Again, he needed to be the center of attention.”
Instead of asking yourself, “How could she say something like that?”, you can realize, “Here she goes again, puffing herself up by belittling others.”
