Healthy people mostly stay in a good mood. They can ride life’s bumps with a sense of humor. They also have open ears. When you tell them something, they seem to hear it and take it seriously. They thrive on taking care of themselves and, at the same time, respond with generosity and compassion.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for narcissists. What does “narcissist” mean? Narcissism is a clinical term for what generally boils down to selfishness. Narcissistic men want their way, don’t pay enough attention to what others want, and can be very difficult to get along with. If you don’t do what they want, they will likely get angry.
This is a brief explanation of the basics behind narcissistic personality disorder. If you are dating someone who shows signs of narcissism, this could be a big red flag for your relationship.
Signs of narcissism you should look for:
- He doesn’t care about your feelings, thoughts, or ideas.
“What I want, feel, think, or believe is all that matters, so I don’t care to take what you say seriously, especially when it differs from my ideas or preferences.”
Narcissists believe that listening is like being a goalie in a hockey game: they ignore what others are saying rather than letting others’ thoughts into a shared body of information. If you say something that is a good idea, don’t expect praise from an entrenched narcissist. But he will likely say your idea later as if it were his own.
- Everything always revolves around him.
“Since I know more, I’m smarter and I’m always right, I do most of the talking and that talk is mostly about me. That’s why I spend most of my airtime in conversations.”
Narcissistic people are sometimes, even often, generous. The difficulty comes when what they want is contrary to what you want. After that, it’s all about them – their wants, their needs, not yours.
Related: Is Your Toxic Sibling Really A Narcissist?
- He doesn’t live by anyone else’s rules.
“I can have affairs, stand in line where others wait, cheat on taxes, and ignore the rules that get in the way of doing what I want.”
Narcissists suffer from what I call “tall man syndrome.” They feel special and above others, so the rules don’t apply to them.
- He doesn’t want to hear about your problems.
“I’d probably get angry if you insisted on telling me all your worries. Your worries seem like criticism to me, so I want to hurt you in return.”
Narcissists believe it’s all about them, so if you try to say something about a feeling like sadness or anxiety you’ve been experiencing, they’ll likely hear it as criticism of themselves. If they don’t take your feelings personally, they’re unlikely to respond with much sympathy or help. They are more likely to react with discomfort than sympathy because the focus is supposed to be on them, not others.
- When you argue, it’s always your fault.
“I am not expected to apologize or admit blame. I am above others and above suspicion.”
Unwillingness to take responsibility for mistakes goes hand in hand with being quick to assign blame. Stay away from blamers or ignore them. Otherwise, they can be very frustrating. Also be realistic about their ability to change. They are often unlikely to improve bad habits because they do not learn from their mistakes.
Related:
- If he’s angry, it’s your fault too.
“You make me crazy. I’m only mad because you __!”
Again, blaming others is a narcissistic way to maintain self-worth. But be careful not to get angry with a narcissist; They will respond angrily. They can get angry at you (because it’s your fault if they’re angry), but all hell will likely break loose if you dare to show even the slightest annoyance toward them.
