Love can be hard work as it is… but when you’re in a relationship with a controlling partner, it can be even more difficult trying to make things work while scrutinizing every little thing you do.
Sometimes, your partner’s controlling habits are not so serious that they can’t be managed and worked on, so you can get back to that healthy relationship you had before.
Controlling behavior is often a manifestation of his insecurities and flaws, and he simply doesn’t know any other way to deal with it than to project it all on you.
This can be a very stressful time and it is important that you nip this in the bud before it gets out of control.
You want to make sure that she doesn’t move into a more dangerous area where she feels threatened in any way, which would be an immediate red flag to leave that relationship!
But if you feel like the man you fell in love with is still out there somewhere and you know you can get him back to normal, there are some helpful things you can try to get your relationship back on track. .
If you are sure that you want to stay with this person and that there is real hope that he can control himself, then keep reading, because here you will find exactly how to improve his problematic habits and get back to that happy place.
Here are 5 tips on how to deal with his controlling habits in a healthy way.
- Remain calm and never resort to arguments or quarrels
Stooping to his level and resorting to arguing with him will only exacerbate an already problematic situation.
Instead, remain calm and collected and ask him (once he has delivered his essay) if he has considered your side of things and calmly state that.
Never raise your voice and instead try to at least make him hear you rationally.
This may not work for everyone, but it’s your best chance at least being heard and understood.
Take what he said into consideration but be confident in what you think is best.
- Really try to understand where he is coming from and think about things from his perspective
If your partner is being irrational and making questionable demands of you, take a step back and put yourself in their shoes.
Try to see things the way he sees them and understand why he feels that what he is saying is acceptable and appropriate.
You may realize that he has a point of view but still proves it wrong, so try explaining to him that you understand what he is saying but you feel that he is a bit harsh.
Never use this to make excuses for being overly aggressive or rude, only in situations where it is not serious or alarming.
- Ask him to explain exactly why he wants a certain thing and do not get defensive
If he asks you to come home from your girls’ night out at a certain hour, ask him exactly why that’s okay, since he stays out for as long as he wants.
Tell him you’ll reach out and let him know where you are so he doesn’t have to worry but also suggest that you really deserve a night out with your girls.
Make sure he knows it’s completely harmless and assure him that you would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship.
Ask him to trust you, because if he doesn’t, what’s the point?
Stand your ground and tell him you’ll be out for as long as you want but you’d rather have him on board because there’s really nothing to worry about because you love and respect him.
- Set clear boundaries and explain to him what you will and will not tolerate
If your partner doesn’t seem to have a problem micromanaging you and scrutinizing your every move, explain the problematic aspect of this to him and set the limits of your acceptable behavior.
Tell him exactly what your problem is and explain why.
Make sure he understands the things you won’t tolerate anymore and that he takes you seriously.
Take his opinions into consideration at all times but just make it clear that sometimes he crosses the line and you’re not ok with that.
Finding a middle ground is his best bet for keeping you.
- Try going to couples therapy and finally giving it a shot
If your controlling partner doesn’t seem to understand the danger of asking you to stop behaving a certain way, suggest therapy as a last resort.
Being with a professional counselor may be helpful in trying to find a solution to your problem.
He may actually listen if a third party tries to make him see the error of his ways, especially if that person is a professional problem solver in that department.
Your partner can also try one-on-one sessions, as this may give him the opportunity to feel completely safe to say what he may feel ashamed of.
His controlling ways may be the result of a problematic childhood, or they may all stem from a specific traumatic event from his past.
Whatever the case may be, his best chance of solving the problem is individual therapy, so try to get him to do that and you might see real results.
