Accusations of dishonesty can destroy a relationship, whether personal or professional. You must have trust in any relationship, otherwise the bond between partners becomes fragile and weak.
Anyone can suffer from the psychological effects of false accusations in a relationship. It doesn’t matter if you are a confident and balanced person or if you have low self-esteem.
Ultimately, your disbelief weakens your psychology and identity.
So, what happens when someone you love or work for falsely accuses you all the time?
5 psychological effects of false accusations in a relationship
- Change your behavior
Changing your behavior is the most obvious effect of constant accusations.
When I was in a coercive relationship, my partner would accuse me of everything from sleeping with the mailman to running off with my boss. Over time, I began to modify my behavior to mitigate his accusations.
For example, I was completing my studies, which entailed going to classes every Monday. After the lesson, the group will move to a local pub to continue the lesson in an informal setting.
The first time I attended, I was late for class at home. My partner wanted to know where I was. When I told him, he remained sullen for two days, making it impossible for me to continue the impromptu meetings.
- You are lying about the truth
I started lying about the truth, even though I knew I was right and had done nothing wrong.
So, if I met my sisters for lunch, I would lie and say I ate at my desk. It simply wasn’t worth the effort of explaining when they called me, who we sat next to in the restaurant, who served us, etc.
Research describes this as “innocent guilt,” where you feel guilty even though you have done nothing wrong.
- You worry all the time
Because you are always walking on eggshells, stress and anxiety levels increase. I never knew what mood my ex would be in when I got home. I also never knew what would bother him during the day or night. As a result, my anxiety rose. - You feel frustrated with your partner
How can you argue with someone who doesn’t want to listen to the truth? It can be very frustrating to deal with someone with a twisted mindset. It’s also exhausting trying to justify your actions all the time. - You wonder if the relationship is worth it
By ten years, I was ready to walk away from all the drama and accusations from my ex. I have become isolated from my family and closest friends.
However, when I met them, they were worried and saying I had “lost my spark”, which is exactly how I felt. It was very tiring explaining every move, worrying about the next accusation. I felt exhausted with it all.
- You begin to doubt your version of events
Smart, manipulative people may falsely accuse you of using a gaslighting tactic. These types of people don’t come from a place of insecurity, far from it.
Practicing manipulators are very confident. They want you unbalanced and question your sanity. They do this to undermine your self-confidence. After all, a person with a strong sense of identity is difficult to manipulate.
What kind of person makes false accusations?
I think there are two types of people who make constant accusations in a relationship:
People are hopelessly insecure
Very confident people
In personal relationships, constant accusations arise from a feeling of insecurity. Your partner may think that he or she is not good enough for you, and that it is only a matter of time before you cheat on him.
As a result, they are very alert around you. Checking your text messages and setting a time limit is the norm.
In professional relationships, they can come from a place of jealousy or sabotage. For example, co-workers may lie about your performance to raise their position in the company.
From a manipulation standpoint, always having to justify your actions leads to low trust and isolation. As such, it is the perfect tool for sociopaths, psychopaths, and narcissists.
How do you deal with constant accusations in a relationship?
- Look at your behavior
It is important to look at your own behavior before addressing your partner’s concerns. Are you perpetuating this feeling of insecurity in your partner with your actions?
Maybe you’ve recently been feeling disconnected and distant, and your partner has been sensitive enough to pick up on the signs? Examining your feelings and behavior is key before moving on to any next steps.
- It’s not you, it’s them
If you are completely happy with your feelings and behavior and there are no underlying issues, understand that the person accusing you has issues, not you.
So, instead of feeling angry and irritated, try to find out the source of their insecurities.
Maybe they are bringing baggage from an old relationship into your relationship. Maybe something you did has pushed them past them. I knew that you were telling the truth, so look at what drove them to disbelief.
- Be rational, don’t get emotional
One psychological effect of false accusations in relationships is increased emotions.
It can be difficult when you’re protesting the truth not to become overly emotional. After all, this person is questioning your integrity. They show that they don’t know you at all.
Stick to the facts, leave emotion out of the situation and seek evidence. Remind this person that rumors or gossip are not facts.
- Remember that you are not the accused
My ex used to make me feel worthless, always looking for sex and relationships. He constantly accused me of cheating. Eventually, I started to think I must be doing something wrong.
I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but his words had consequences for me. I felt belittled and stupid. Just because someone calls you something terrible or accuses you of terrible things, doesn’t mean that’s who you are.
