Many people don’t realize that narcissism is a result of deep-seated insecurities, but it is.
This is hard to imagine because the narcissist often seems conceited, full of himself, and as if he cares more about himself than others.
These are defense mechanisms they have acquired to help cover up their deep feelings of shame or shame.
A narcissist has been injured in a significant way that makes them feel weak, helpless, and insecure.
Related:
What is a narcissist?
According to Psychology Today, narcissism “includes a hunger for recognition or admiration, a feeling of exclusivity, a desire to be the center of attention, and an expectation of special treatment that reflects a perceived higher status.”
To help them get through the scary times, which often occur in childhood, narcissists try to hide their fears and feelings of powerlessness by acting out the opposite to make themselves feel better.
Instead of feeling weak, they try to be strong. Instead of feeling weak, they prefer to feel strong. Instead of feeling insecure, they put on a facade of confidence or bravado.
Instead of thinking poorly of themselves, they tend to have an exaggerated sense of their identity and accomplishments.
Given this, it can sometimes be difficult to know whether you’re dating an insecure person or a narcissist – because there is a difference.
Once you discover the differences between a clearly insecure person and a narcissistic person, you can learn how to deal with the narcissistic person in the most appropriate way.
However, here are 6 signs that you are attached to a narcissist.
- They consider themselves important.
Insecure people simply do not have a strong sense of their worth or worth. Obviously, a person who is feeling insecure will make self-deprecating comments or talk negatively about themselves.
On the other hand, the narcissist will try to cover up this lack of self-esteem by trying to appear very important. They will brag about their accomplishments, or how they are the ones who solve unsolvable problems.
They will gloat about things or at least make sure you know about them. They are looking for an ego boost, not only flattering themselves but hoping to get a boost from your ego as well.
- They do not admit their mistakes.
Insecure people respond greatly to mistakes. When an insecure person makes a mistake, they make a lot of money from it.
The phrase “I’m so sorry” comes to them more easily than usual – they say it so often that it sometimes seems as if they are apologizing for their presence.
On the other hand, the narcissist rarely apologizes for any of his actions. They won’t take the blame for something going wrong, they’ll find someone else to blame for the problem.
They often become angry or aggressive when others try to criticize them for mistakes to put themselves in a more powerful position.
Often times, they will turn on the person and try to make the problem the person’s problem rather than their own.
- They take advantage of you
The insecure person is using you to feel better about themselves. An insecure person is clearly asking you questions and seeking positive feedback.
“Do these pants look good on me?”
“I hope I didn’t cause you too much trouble when I asked you to do that for me?”
They’re hoping you’ll pile on compliments or reassurances so they can feel better about themselves.
Narcissists will use you in a different way. They will build a case against you in their mind about how much better they are than you.
When you share a story, they will have a more impressive story to share. When you have success, they will share with you their own success that (in their mind) is superior to yours.
If you choose a restaurant to meet them at, they will suggest a better restaurant because it’s not good enough for some reason.
Related:
- They escape conflict.
Insecure people are not good when it comes to conflict. Obviously, insecure people will defer to your judgment in disagreements, believing that your opinion supersedes theirs.
They will not resist because they underestimate the value of their assertions and they certainly will not confront. These people are known to be people pleasers.
Narcissists are known for creating conflict but running away from it. They constantly tell people how others are wrong and how they are right.
They rarely listen to different points of view, and will only continue to convince opponents of their own views.
Even if direct evidence could be presented against their conclusions, they would not back down, and it would only fuel their attempts to prove themselves right. For example, they will claim that, somehow, there were “flaws in the study.”
They will also negatively attribute things to people as if they were under a personal attack – someone cuts them off while driving, road rage ensues, the waiter gets their order wrong and not only do they express it, but they also feel entitled to a free meal.
It’s easy to see how they create a great deal of conflict.
- They are not self-aware
Insecure people are often the first to sign up for every self-help seminar or buy all the self-improvement books. They constantly feel inadequate, no matter how much investment they have made in themselves.
They are unable to see the truth about themselves because their judgment is shrouded in a veil of inferiority.
Either way, it is difficult for insecure people to feel empathy for others. Obviously, insecure people are so preoccupied with their own inferiority or vanity that they will assume that other people’s negative experiences are because of them.
When someone is upset, they will conclude that they did something that upset them. They take it as their own responsibility.
Narcissists simply don’t think about others, except when it comes to what they can do for them.
Given all the narcissistic traits, what healthy traits might be considered instead?
Secure people are confident in their accomplishments, but they can also admit mistakes they’ve made. It’s easy for a confident person to say they’re sorry when they make a mistake.
Confident people have self-awareness of their good qualities, know they have room for improvement, and acknowledge this with humility.
Confident people know what they believe in and can even explain why they value what they do.
Confident people know that others are different from them and can respect those differences, even if they strongly disagree with their own values. They can even celebrate differences.
Self-confident people rarely feel offended by what others say, and can often understand why someone said it.
They are compassionate because they can be empathetic. They will generally be able to give you time to really listen and be present, thus communicating without being distracted by insecurities.
In short, they will be much better in any type of relationship.
