When we start dating someone new, we often don’t know them very well, right? I mean they could be anyone really.

With so many bad people around us, we really have to learn how to measure up to the person we love.

That’s why, in this article, we’ll walk you through some potential red flags that show you’re dating a covert narcissist and what to do about it.

1) Excessive selfishness

Well, it’s no surprise that narcissists are self-centered, right? However, I think focusing too much on themselves is a big red flag.

To you, it may seem like they’re not really interested in your thoughts, feelings, or what’s going on in your life.

And you’re probably right, conversations tend to revolve around them, and they don’t show genuine curiosity about your life.

This also means that they lack empathy.

2) Lack of empathy

A lack of empathy means they struggle to understand or care about how you feel. When you’re going through a difficult time, they don’t give you the support or comfort you need. You may feel like you are dealing with someone who does not understand your feelings.

Of course, when you’ve only been with someone briefly, it’s hard to figure it out right away.

But if you find them completely unfazed by other people’s misfortunes, that’s a big red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.

3) Manipulative behavior

Narcissists often try to manipulate others into doing what they want of them. This can be any number of things, but it involves using subtle tactics to control situations or people.

It could be anything from feeling guilty to playing mind games. You begin to notice when you feel that your decisions are being affected without you realizing it.

For example, they create jealousy or competition by involving a third person. They casually mention someone, perhaps their ex, to try to stir up insecurities in you and make you more dependent on them.

Or they initially shower you with excessive affection, compliments and attention. Once you become addicted to it, it gradually withdraws, making you long for those early, intense moments.

4) Victim mentality

But if there’s one thing they love to do the most, it’s playing the victim. And if your partner always sees themselves as the victim, this is very stressful.

They avoid taking responsibility for their actions by blaming others or external circumstances.

If you think things are difficult now, just wait until you get married. Any problem, such as their unusual and lax behavior, will become impossible to solve.

For example, imagine a situation in which your partner portrays themselves as the perpetual victim, making every setback or challenge feel like a personal attack.

They will say things like, “No one appreciates how hard I work,” meaning they are being treated unfairly despite their efforts.

5) Subtle insults

Instead of direct insults, covert narcissists often use sarcasm or verbal compliments.

These remarks reduce your self-confidence over time, creating a hostile atmosphere in your mind and in your relationship as well.

It’s just their condition and the way they behave towards others. You can put up with it or leave. They will probably never change this reckless behavior.

If you stay in the relationship, make sure you set firm boundaries and emphasize that this type of behavior won’t fly with you.

6) Insecure but arrogant

Despite their deep insecurities, covert narcissists often display an arrogant front. They seem very confident, but it is a mask to cover up their inner doubts.

This can create confusion about their true feelings and intentions. It’s also hard to know if this is a common occurrence or just a one-time behavior when you’ve been dating for a short period of time.

For example, they feel insecure about their appearance or image and compensate by appearing too confident or arrogant.

This means that they show off excessively or are preoccupied with displaying their material possessions (cars, money, jewelry) as a way to hide their underlying insecurities.

7) Constant need for validation

Because they are insecure, they constantly crave praise and approval. They seek validation from you and others to boost their self-esteem.

This becomes exhausting when you feel pressured to constantly reassure them. But at least this kind of behavior quickly comes to the surface, and you can then realize that something is wrong with them.

Will that be enough to sever ties or not? It’s up to you, isn’t it?

8) Difficulty dealing with cash

Another thing that narcissists absolutely do not like is hearing criticism and feedback, no matter how well-intentioned or constructive.

This means that if your partner reacts negatively to criticism, you will always have a tense environment.

They simply become defensive, dismissive, or even hurt when you bring up something.

This is troubling because constructive feedback is essential in any relationship, and a partner who cannot handle it limits its growth.

9) Sense of entitlement

Narcissists also believe that they deserve special treatment or privileges without having earned them. This attitude leads to a lack of consideration for your needs and an expectation that their desires should always come first.

I can’t even imagine what it’s like to live with an eligible partner, but I’m sure it’s not pretty.

However, their inflated ego believes they are entitled to anything, which is a big red flag. And so it is:

10) Jealousy and envy

Excessive jealousy and envy make any relationship stifling. A partner who cannot celebrate your successes and is too possessive may be suffering from feelings of inadequacy.

They simply become defensive, dismissive, or even hurt when you bring up something.

This is troubling because constructive feedback is essential in any relationship, and a partner who cannot handle it limits its growth.

9) Sense of entitlement

I can’t even imagine what it’s like to live with an eligible partner, but I’m sure it’s not pretty.

However, their inflated ego believes they are entitled to anything, which is a big red flag. And so it is:

10) Jealousy and envy

Excessive jealousy and envy make any relationship stifling. A partner who cannot celebrate your successes and is too possessive may be suffering from feelings of inadequacy.

But for the covert narcissist, this is the best time to start isolating yourself from friends and family.

This may be subtle, such as discouraging you from spending time with your loved ones, making it difficult for you to maintain a support system outside of the relationship.

They want you to spend all the time with them, which is something you probably don’t mind because you love them.

In a normal relationship, this may not be a problem. However, when you date a covert narcissist, it means you are heading towards a potentially destructive situation.

13) Boundary issues

Narcissists have no problem overstepping your boundaries. They invade your personal space, touch you without your consent, or ignore your need for physical distancing.

They also ignore or downplay your emotional needs, ignore your feelings, or manipulate situations to suit their preferences.

That’s why you must recognize these boundary violations and, if necessary, communicate assertively and reinforce your boundaries to protect your well-being.

14) Mood swings

The covert narcissist’s mood swings create a flurry of emotions. One moment, they are affectionate and charming, and the next, distant or irritable. This unpredictability can make you feel stressed and uncertain.

However, the narcissist may also use sudden shifts in mood to control the dynamics of the relationship.

For example, they go from being loving to distant as a way to keep you seeking their approval or trying to “fix” the relationship.

How to deal with the narcissistic person you are dating

Dealing with a covert narcissist in a new relationship can be difficult. However, there are practical steps you can take.

First, be clear about your limits. Let them know what you feel comfortable with. But also, trust your instincts:

If you feel something off, don’t just ignore it.

After that, keep doing your own things and maintain your interests and friendships. Be aware of any attempts to control or manipulate you, and if you notice this, talk about it calmly.

Communication is key here, so share your ideas and encourage them to do the same.

If you need help, talk to friends or a therapist for support. It is important to take care of your mental and emotional health.

And if the relationship is making you unhappy, it’s okay to re-evaluate and put yourself first.

A healthy relationship should make your life better, not worse.

How to deal with the narcissistic person you are dating

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